“Bill Cosby: Himself” quotes
(1983)
Title Bill Cosby: Himself
Year 1983
Director Bill Cosby
Genre Comedy, Documentary
Year 1983
Director Bill Cosby
Genre Comedy, Documentary
Plot – This live show is performed at the Hamilton Place Performing Arts Centre in Ontario, Canada. Bill Cosby talks about drugs, booze, dentists, marriage, children and parents.
All actors – Bill Cosby
show all“Bill Cosby: Himself” Quotes 24 quotes
“We are dumb, but we are not so dumb. It takes great courage and work to keep from working.”
My mother looked at it and said, "How precious". I don't know why she said it. Well, I didn't know then. I know now, because my mother put a curse on me. A long time ago, I remember when I was a child what she said, and I later found out that mothers, all mothers, put a curse on their children. They say: "I hope, when you get married, you have... (continue)(continue reading)
“My father would pass gas and then blame it on imaginary animals.”
“My wife was a beautiful woman before we had children.”
I really want to study this whole thing of drinking, getting drunk and people saying that they're having a good time. Because if you put on a good suit, you put on a good suit or whatever and you say, "I'm going out to have a good time". But some people announce it: "I'm going out... because I deserve to go out! And I'm going to get drunk...... (continue)(continue reading)
“Natural childbirth means that no drugs will be administered into the female's body during the delivery. The father can have all he wants.”
“Needless to say, we felt qualified to handle having children. And we planned to have children. We sat in the backseat of a car... and discussed it! Children! Having children and bringing them up.”
“My wife and I have five children and the reason why we have five children is because we do not want six.”
“Think about your father. He doesn't know where anything is. You ask him to do something, he messes it up. That's a genius at work! Because he doesn't want to do it! And he knows someone will be coming soon to stop him from doing it!”
Every father says the same thing: "Where's your mother?".
It was because of my father that from the ages of seven to fifteen, I thought that my name was Jesus Christ and my brother, Russell, thought that his name was Dammit. "Dammit, will you stop all that noise?", and, "Jesus Christ, sit down!". One day, I'm out playing in the rain, and my father yelled, "Dammit will you get back in here!". I said, ... (continue)(continue reading)
I said to a guy: "Tell me, what is it about cocaine that makes it so wonderful", and he said, "Because it intensifies your personality". I said, "Yes, but what if you're an asshole?".
“Parents aren't interested in justice, they want quiet!”
“I asked my father for a dollar for the school picnic, he told me how he killed a grizzly bear with his loose-leaf notebook.”
A person with no children says, "Well I just love children", and you say "Why?", and they say, "Because a child is so truthful, that's what I love about 'em, they tell the truth". That's a lie, I've got five of 'em. The only time they tell the truth is if they're having pain.
My father established our relationship when I was seven years old. He looked at me and said, "You know, I brought you in this world, and I can take you out. And it don't make no difference to me, I'll make another one look just like you".
The dentist drills some more and you hear him make a mistake. And to cover it up, they all say the same thing: "Okay, rinse".
“I am not the boss of my house. I don't know how I lost it. I don't know where I lost it. I don't think I ever had it. But I've seen the boss's job... and I don't want it.”
My mother said to me: "When your father gets home, he's going to shoot you in the face with a bazooka! And I'm not going to stop him this time, either! You know, he's always wanted to kill you! The day you were born, he said: kill it! I stopped him from killing you for eleven years... and this is the thanks I get for saving your life!".
“Dentists tell you not to pick your teeth with any sharp metal object. Then you sit in their chair... and the first thing they grab is an iron hook.”
Highlights
