“Blue Collar Comedy Tour Rides Again” quotes

“I believe, that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade. And try to find somebody who's life gives them vodka, and have a party.”
Ron White - Himself

My wife and I, we love watching Dateline, those shows where every week they will feature a disease. I swear to you, every week, no matter what the disease is, my wife has it. There could be three people on the planet that have this disease, my wife is one of them. She just watches it going "I've got it."
Jeff Foxworthy - Himself

“Women are details. If you don't got the details, do not talk to a woman.”
Bill Engvall - Himself

“The first time my wife and I made love... you ever heard of those screamers? Well, apparently she had never been with one before!”

Ron White - Himself

I think the biggest difference between men and women is that men are basic. Just basic. There's not a whole lot of frills. That's why, ladies, when you ask a fella a question, the answer you get is, "I don't know." Basic.
Bill Engvall - Himself

“I believe that the way to a man's heart is not through his stomach. It's a little further south.”
Bill Engvall - Himself

“I believe that ignorance of the law is no excuse, and I'm quoting a New York City judge on this one.”
Ron White - Himself

“I believe that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you can not baptize cats.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Himself

I was drivin' down the road the other day and I get pulled over, and the policeman said, "You been drinkin'?" I'm like, "No. Why, is there fat girl in my back seat?" Good lord. "By God, there's two of 'em! I guess I was drinkin'!
Larry the Cable Guy - Himself

Joey says to me, "Hey, man. I'm getting a divorce" and I said, "Oh, that sucks". That was our whole conversation. I understood it, he understood it. So I go home and I tell my wife. "Oh my god! What happenned?" "Was he cheating on her? Was she cheating on him?". I said, "Again, baby, I don't know. You got a better chance of getting answer out of... (continue)(continue reading)
Bill Engvall - Himself

“They're always kept clean, so you know it ain't dirty. You got plenty of room to stretch your legs out, and you've got rails for power squeezing.”

Larry the Cable Guy - Himself

“Her father dies, and I'm like, baby come on we're going to the nursing home. And she see's all these old men like pick me pick me. She wanted a black one, but I was like keep it simple, that's my motto.”
Ron White - Himself

“You see, ladies, men have three basic needs in life: eating, sleeping, sex. That's our whole day. I can do all three of those in my truck. By myself. In traffic!”
Bill Engvall - Himself

“I believe that if you let somebody cut in front of you in traffic and they don't give you the little wave, it should be perfectly legal to get up underneath 'em, get 'em loose, and put 'em into the wall.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Himself

“I believe the only thing worse than having diarrhea is trying to have it quietly in a public bathroom.”
Jeff Foxworthy - Himself

“I believe that sometimes you gotta wreck the truck to get the insurance money to make the truck payment.”
Larry the Cable Guy - Himself

I believe that the phrase "time in a bottle" refers to the amount of beer you can drink before last call.
Bill Engvall - Himself

“I believe that guns don't kill people, husbands that come home early do.”
Larry the Cable Guy - Himself

Don't you hate it when you get so dadgum drunk, you look in your pocket the next day and there's some girl's number with a name and you don't know nothing about it? So you call her up and you hear this, "Hello?" "Yeah, is Debbie there?" "This is Debbie." "I ain't drinkin' no more".
Larry the Cable Guy - Himself

“- Bill Engvall: When is your birthday?
- Larry The Cable Guy: February 17th.
- Jeff Foxworthy: No, what year is your birthday?
- Larry The Cable Guy: Every year.”
Bill Engvall - Himself
Larry the Cable Guy - Himself
Jeff Foxworthy - Himself

“I remember when I was a kid, there were two medicines: aspirin and Campho-Phenique, that was it. They advertise these prescriptions, and half the time, the side effects are 50 times worse than what the thing cures!”
Jeff Foxworthy - Himself