“Bushwhacked” quotes

“- Kelsey Jordan: Go ahead and explain it to us.
- Ralph: Well, I... Uh, I know it's about making babies. And I know it takes a man and a woman to make it work right. And that they both have to go into a room. And they both take their shirts off.
- Milton Fishman: No! No, no, no. The man doesn't have to take his shirt off. Just the woman!”

Janna Michaels - Kelsey Jordan
Corey Carrier - Ralph
Ari Greenberg - Milton Fishman

“- Max Grabelski: Let me tell you something, honey. There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
- Milton Fishman: Spider, I'm afraid, too.
- Max Grabelski: Shut up, you gutless worm! I'm talkin' to her!”
Daniel Stern - Max Grabelski
Ari Greenberg - Milton Fishman

“- Gordy: My mom says the guy who's taking us has hiked all over the world.
- Barnhill: I'm sure he won't be half as good as the guy me and my dad had on our trip to the Serengeti.
- Ralph: Barnhill, if you're dad is so friggin' cool, then why isn't he our scout leader?
- Barnhill: Oh yeah. Spies have a lot of time for the scouts.”
Blake Bashoff - Gordy
Max Goldblatt - Barnhill
Corey Carrier - Ralph

“- Max Grabelski: Alright! Knock it off! What is that? We run and dance and sing and play?
- Gordy: My mom kinda wrote the words.
- Max Grabelski: Well they suck! Okay?”
Daniel Stern - Max Grabelski
Blake Bashoff - Gordy

“Let me see. I bet you've never seen anything like this before, huh, Barnhill. You probably don't even know about the birds and the bees, you butthead.”

Corey Carrier - Ralph

“- Milton Fishman: Spider. Spider. Spider!
- Max Grabelski: What?
- Milton Fishman: How come your nick name's Spider?
- Max Grabelski: Because I once killed a kid who called me Spider, one time too many!
- Milton Fishman: Yeah, but how could he call you Spider one time too many if your nick name wasn't already Spider?”
Ari Greenberg - Milton Fishman
Daniel Stern - Max Grabelski

“- Milton Fishman: Well guys, we gotta start a fire. Better start looking for pinecones.
- Max Grabelski: Pinecones?
- Milton Fishman: It says in the manual, whenever your camp is surrounded by green wood, always use pinecones to start your fire.
- Max Grabelski: If the manual told you to stick your wiener in a light-socket, would you do it?”
Ari Greenberg - Milton Fishman
Daniel Stern - Max Grabelski

“I teach my kids to hunt down the goodness in life.”
Brad Sullivan - Jack Erickson

“You might say I'm the thin khaki line between morality and depravity.”
Brad Sullivan - Jack Erickson

“- Max Grabelski: Keep heading south and don't stop driving until you get to Mexico and I'm going to be right behind you the whole time. Don't try any funny and I'll blow your butt off, got it?
- Jack Erickson: Yeah I got it, keep driving, no funny stuff, blow butt off.
- Max Grabelski: Right!”
Daniel Stern - Max Grabelski
Brad Sullivan - Jack Erickson