“Crimes and Misdemeanors” quotes

“Events unfold so unpredictably, so unfairly, human happiness does not seem to have been included in the design of creation. It is only we, with our capacity to love, that give meaning to the indifferent universe.”
Martin Bergmann - Professor Levy

“Comedy is tragedy plus time!”
Alan Alda - Lester

“Don't listen to what your teachers tell you, you know. Don't pay attention. Just, just see what they look like and that's how you'll know what life is really gonna be like.”
Woody Allen - Cliff Stern

“Jack lives in the real world. You live in the kingdom of heaven. I'd managed to keep free of that real world but suddenly it's found me.”

Martin Landau - Judah Rosenthal

“When he tells you he wants to exchange ideas, what he wants is to exchange fluids.”

Woody Allen - Cliff Stern

“I'll be honest. You're not my first choice.”
Alan Alda - Lester

“Without God the world is a cesspool.”
Martin Landau - Judah Rosenthal

“If you want a happy ending, you should go see a Hollywood movie.”
Martin Landau - Judah Rosenthal

“My ex-husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should've taken a second look.”
Mia Farrow - Halley Reed

“- Lester: I told you I'm putty in your hands.
- Halley Reed: What am I gonna do with a handful of putty?”
Alan Alda - Lester
Mia Farrow - Halley Reed

“Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, ok. It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday.”

Woody Allen - Cliff Stern

“Where I grew up in Brooklyn, everybody was too unhappy to commit suicide.”
Woody Allen - Cliff Stern

“- Cliff Stern: I actually wrote you a love letter.
- Halley Reed: I didn't get it.
- Cliff Stern: It's probably just as well. I plagiarized most of it from James Joyce. You probably wondered why all the references to Dublin.”
Woody Allen - Cliff Stern
Mia Farrow - Halley Reed

“Without the law, it's all darkness.”
Sam Waterston - Ben

I remember my father telling me: "The eyes of God are on us always.". The eyes of God. What a phrase to a young boy. What were God's eyes like? Unimaginably penetrating, intense eyes, I assumed. And I wonder if it was just a coincidence I made my specialty ophthalmology.
Martin Landau - Judah Rosenthal

“Show business is, is dog-eat-dog. It's worse than dog-eat-dog. It's dog-doesn't-return-other-dog's-phone-calls, which reminds me I should check my answering service.”
Woody Allen - Cliff Stern

“- Ben: It's a human life. You don't think God sees?
- Judah Rosenthal: God is a luxury I can't afford.”
Sam Waterston - Ben
Martin Landau - Judah Rosenthal

“We are all faced throughout our lives with agonizing decisions. Moral choices.”
Martin Bergmann - Professor Levy

“We are the sum total of our choices.”
Martin Bergmann - Professor Levy

“One sin leads to a deeper sin.”
Martin Landau - Judah Rosenthal

“Last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.”
Woody Allen - Cliff Stern

He left a note. He left a simple little note that said "I've gone out the window." This is a major intellectual and he leaves a note that says "I've gone out the window." He's a role-model. You'd think he'd leave a decent note.

Woody Allen - Cliff Stern

“- Lester: If you play your cards right, you could have my body.
- Halley Reed: Wouldn't you rather leave it to science?”
Alan Alda - Lester
Mia Farrow - Halley Reed

“She's not an insect! You don't just step on her!”
Martin Landau - Judah Rosenthal

“If it bends, it's funny. If it breaks, it isn't.”
Alan Alda - Lester