“Dress to Kill” quotes

You say, "Do you want a cup of coffee?" and she says, "Yeah, okay". Then sex is on, yes? Doesn't always work, though. If the President of Burundi says do you want a cup of coffee, you're not supposed to go.
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“I like my coffee hot and strong, like I like my women, hot and strong... with a spoon in them.”
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“Britain should be in the driving seat of Europe. In the driver's seat, or in the passenger seat. That's good, cuz then you can take a sleep.”
Eddie Izzard - Himself

Martin Luther was a German fellow who pinned a note on a church door that said, "Hang on a minute!". Actually, he was German so, "Ein minuten bitte! Ich habe einen klienen problemo avec diese religioni. He was from everywhere".
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over.”
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“If a woman falls over wearing heels, that's embarrassing, but if a bloke falls over wearing heels, then you have to kill yourself. It's the end of your life. Its quite difficult.”
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“It's the cutting edge of politics in a very extraordinarily boring way!”

Eddie Izzard - Himself

When you're more mature, you do start telling the truth, in odd situations. "I'm sorry, I've broken a glass here. Is that expensive? I'll pay for it. I'm sorry". And you do that so that people in the room might go, "What a strong personality that person has. I like to have sex with people with strong personalities".
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“We stole countries! That's how you build an empire. We stole countries with the cunning use of flags!”
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“There's two positions in snowboarding. One is looking cool and the other is dead!”
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“There's not much makeup in the army, is there? They only have that nighttime look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it?”
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“Pol Pot killed one point seven million Cambodians, died under house arrest, well done there. Stalin killed many millions, died in his bed, aged seventy-two, well done indeed. And the reason we let them get away with it is they killed their own people. And we're sort of fine with that.”
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“Hitler ended up in a ditch covered in petrol on fire... so, that's fun. I think that's funny. Because he was a mass-murdering fuck-head!”
Eddie Izzard - Himself

The National Rifle Association says that, "Guns don't kill people, uh, people do." But I think, I think the gun helps. You know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, "Bang!" That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that.
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“I didn't tell anyone at school that I was a transvestite, because I was afraid they'd kill me with sticks.”
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“When you're a transvestite, you're actually a male tomboy.”
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“Cable cars are fun - everyone gets on board and becomes a rhesus monkey.”
Eddie Izzard - Himself

“Most transvestites fancy girls.”
Eddie Izzard - Himself

If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, "Heimlich maneuver," and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say "Heimlich maneuver" when you're choking to death.
Eddie Izzard - Himself