“Good Burger” quotes

“- Kurt Bozwell: It's called shark poison, and it's gonna make all your little Good Burger customers very, very sick.
- Troy: So sick that I doubt any of them will ever want to eat here again.”

Jan Schweiterman - Kurt Bozwell
Hamilton von Watts - Troy

“- Ed: What's that stuff they're putting in the burgers?
- Dexter Reed: I don't know... but I'll bet you that's what makes those burgers grow so big.
- Ed: We should get some of that stuff for Good Burger.
- Dexter Reed: No, man! That stuff's got to be illegal.”

Kel Mitchell - Ed
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed

“- Ed: And that's Otis, he's 77-years-old and worked here longer than anyone.
- Otis: I should've died years ago.”

Kel Mitchell - Ed
Abe Vigoda - Otis

“- Ed: This is where I come to think... I think.
- Dexter Reed: Funny, I never figured you as much of a thinker.”
Kel Mitchell - Ed
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed

“- Roxanne: Would you like to have dinner tomorrow night?
- Ed: I like to have dinner every night.”
Carmen Electra - Roxanne
Kel Mitchell - Ed

“You see, right about now, I'd slap you right across your head, but I don't think your brain would understand the concept of pain.”

Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed

“It's just the contract you had Ed sign. You know the one where you take most of his money? The money he's supposed to get for his sauce. I can't believe you would do something like that to someone who trusts you! How can you take advantage of a sweet person like Ed? And after he got you a job!”

Shar Jackson - Monique

“- Ed: I will never forget you, Dexter Reed, in my head, or in my heart. Goodbye my friend!
- Dexter Reed: Ed, I'm not going anywhere.”
Kel Mitchell - Ed
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed

“- Mr. Wheat: What's your hurry, my brother?
- Dexter Reed: My hurry is it's now officially summer vacation and yet I'm still looking at you.
- Mr. Wheat: You're an amazing student. I mean, you sit there and get your test done first, and you were concentrating so hard I thought you were sleep.
- Dexter Reed: Next time make it more challenging.”
Sinbad - Mr. Wheat
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed

“Okay let's see, $5 an hour, 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, I should be able to pay off the car in... oh, another lifetime!”
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed

“- Ed: And that's Deedee, she's a veterinarian.
- Deedee: Vegetarian.
- Ed: That means she doesn't eat fur.
- Deedee: I won't wear fur, I don't eat meat.”

Kel Mitchell - Ed
Ginny Schreiber - Deedee

“- Dexter Reed: So, you like me?
- Monique: Of course. So, you like me?
- Dexter Reed: Are you kidding? I liked you from the first time I saw you! Right off the bat. But I guess it was the same thing for you?
- Monique: No, actually I thought you were self-centered and obnoxious.
- Dexter Reed: So much for my self-esteem”
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed
Shar Jackson - Monique

“- Kurt Bozwell: I want you to bail on Good Burger. You make your sauce for Kurt.
- Ed: Who's Kurt?
- Kurt Bozwell: I'm Kurt.
- Ed: I'm Ed.
- Kurt Bozwell: I'm aware!
- Ed: You said you were Kurt.”
Jan Schweiterman - Kurt Bozwell
Kel Mitchell - Ed

“- Dexter Reed: When those people find out that you've been putting illegal stuff in their food, you're going to jail!
- Kurt Bozwell: That's why nobody outside of this room is going to find out.
- Dexter Reed: What do you expect us to do, keep our mouths shut?
- Kurt Bozwell: No, I'll shut them for you.”
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed
Jan Schweiterman - Kurt Bozwell

“I'm worried about you.”

Sinbad - Mr. Wheat

“Welcome to Good Burger, home of the Good Burger. Can I take your order?”

Kel Mitchell - Ed

“- Dexter Reed: I don't even remember what my dad looks like.
- Ed: I don't remember what my dad looks like either, but at least I get to see him everyday.”
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed
Kel Mitchell - Ed

“- Kurt Bozwell: From now on, your life is Mondo Burger! You can forget about your friends; you can forget about your family... because Kurt is now both your mother and your father.
- Dexter Reed: Kurt must look awfully strange naked.”
Jan Schweiterman - Kurt Bozwell
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed

- Kurt Bozwell: Triampathol is way illegal. But I'll tell you what, it sure makes burgers nice and enormo!
- Dexter Reed: But what happens to all those nice, innocent people when they eat your "enormo" burgers?
- Kurt Bozwell: Uh-oh. Don't care!
Jan Schweiterman - Kurt Bozwell
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed

“- Dexter Reed: Do not tell anyone the recipe to your sauce.
- Ed: Well, first you start off with a little lemon juice and some ketchup...
- Dexter Reed: Stop it! Stop talking. Never tell anyone the ingredients of your sauce!”
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed
Kel Mitchell - Ed

“- Ed: I'll teach him everything I know!
- Mr. Baily: Oh... God, help me.”

Kel Mitchell - Ed
Dan Schneider - Mr. Baily

- Dexter Reed: Ed, I don't know how to say this...
- Ed: Oh, well, you just go: "Thiiiissssssssssss".
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed
Kel Mitchell - Ed

“- Dexter Reed: Man, I can't believe Kurt fired me from Mondo Burger. I mean, he yelled at me, then he insulted me. He made fun of me.
- Ed: Boy, you must really suck.”
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed
Kel Mitchell - Ed

“- Ed: I wonder how they get the wienie into the corny exterior?
- Monique: A question that has plagued mankind for centuries.”

Kel Mitchell - Ed
Shar Jackson - Monique

“- Monique: You're not his friend you're just using him to scam a little cash off the side. It must feel really good. Oh, but don't worry I'm not going to tell Ed you're cheating him.
- Dexter Reed: Why not?
- Monique: Because it would hurt him too much.”

Shar Jackson - Monique
Kenan Thompson - Dexter Reed