“Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay” quotes

“- Ron Fox: You see this cute little white girl, Beecher?
- Dr. Beecher: Yeah.
- Ron Fox: Do you want her to get raped and murdered?
- Dr. Beecher: Of course not.
- Ron Fox: You sure? Cause this is America. Do you want to rape America?
- Dr. Beecher: No.
- Ron Fox: Then stop fucking with me!”
Rob Corrdry - Ron Fox
Rogert Bart - Dr. Beecher

“- Harold Lee: Why does everything has to be a huge argument with you, man?
- Kumar Patel: Because this is America, dude, and as long as I have my freedom of speech no one's going to shut me up.”
John Cho - Harold Lee
Kal Penn - Kumar Patel

“- Kumar Patel: So you get high and you put other people who smokeweed in jail?
- George W. Bush: Duh!
- Kumar Patel: That's so hypocritical!”
Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
James Adomian - George W. Bush

- Neil Patrick Harris: What's your name, miss?
- Tits Hemmingway: Tits Hemmingway.
- Neil Patrick Harris: Why do they call you that?
- Tits Hemmingway: Beacause I have huge tits, and my favourite book is "A Moveable Feast".
Neil Patrick Harris - Neil Patrick Harris
Echo Valley - Tits Hemmingway

“If you want to know the secret of being, you'll come with us.”

Neil Patrick Harris - Neil Patrick Harris

“That looks like Osama Bin Laden's beard!”

Kal Penn - Kumar Patel

“- Kumar Patel: What are you doing here, man?
- Neil Patrick Harris: This is where God took me.”
Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
Neil Patrick Harris - Neil Patrick Harris

“- Harold Lee: We're stealing his car! We can't leave him back there!
- Kumar Patel: He stole your fucking car last week!”

John Cho - Harold Lee
Kal Penn - Kumar Patel

“- George W. Bush: Let me ask you something, Kumar, do you like giving hand jobs?
- Kumar Patel: No sir.
- George W. Bush: Do you like gettin' hand jobs?
- Kumar Patel: Heh, yeah.
- George W. Bush: Yeah well, that makes you a fuckin' hypocriticizer too, so shut the fuck up! Now smoke my weed.”
James Adomian - George W. Bush
Kal Penn - Kumar Patel

“Are people like you that make the world think that Americans are stupid! I'm not stupid! I'm not gonna take this shit anymore!”

Rogert Bart - Dr. Beecher

“- Kumar Patel: Are all the guards in Guantanamo Bay gay?
- Big Bob: Fuck no! There ain't nothing gay about getting your dick sucked! You're the ones that're gay for sucking my dick!”
Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
Randal Reeder - Big Bob

“- Kumar Patel: Harold Lee, I'd like to introduce you to an invention of mine... meet the smokeless bong.
- Harold Lee: You made this?
- Kumar Patel: You know I did. When you were slaving away at work, I was actually being a productive member of society.”
Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
John Cho - Harold Lee

“- Harold Lee: There's exposed vagina all over your house.
- Raza: Oh, yeah, that was my idea. I don't know about you guys, I'm sick of all the hype over topless.
- Harold Lee: Really? I always liked topless.
- Raza: Yeah, well I'm starting the bottomless trend! Hence the bottomless party.”
John Cho - Harold Lee
Amir Talai - Raza

- Harold Lee: It's because of assholes like you that we're even in this fucking place - fucking cowards!
- Terrorist 1: Well maybe if the people in your country stopped eating "doughnuts" and started realizing what their government is doing to the world, "assholes" like us wouldn't exist!
John Cho - Harold Lee
Anand Vadehra - Terrorist 1

“- Harold Lee: Can we have the right to make a phone call?
- Ron Fox: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry. You want rights now. You want freedoms. Right now. Is it time? Is it freedom o'clock?”
John Cho - Harold Lee
Rob Corrdry - Ron Fox

“- Harold Lee: In less than eight hours we're gonna be in Amsterdam. This is nuts. This is nuts!
- Kumar Patel: I know, dude. It's gonna be exactly like Eurotrip only it's not going to suck. It's going to be awesome.”
John Cho - Harold Lee
Kal Penn - Kumar Patel

“You guys wanna hear something fucked up and awesome? I took a Korean guy's toothbrush and I rubbed it all over my dick!”
Kal Penn - Kumar Patel

“- Vanessa: You remember that time that you broke into the animal lab and like stole that monkey and put it in Andy Rosenberg's dorm room?
- Kumar Patel: First of all, that was Goldstein's idea, and second of all, had I known that the monkey had AIDS, I never would've done that.”
Danneel Ackles - Vanessa
Kal Penn - Kumar Patel

“I'm in the government and I don't even trust it. You don't have to believe in your government to be a good American. You just have to believe in your country.”
James Adomian - George W. Bush