“How to Beat the High Co$t of Living” quotes

“- Patty: What do you want?
- Elaine: I want you to get this lousy bank to lend me some money, or at least extend my MasterCharge limit. Oh, Patty, You've got to help me! I'm broke, flat busted broke. The house and car payments are due on Monday, I need money.
- Patty: You know how banks operate. They only lend money to people who don't need it.”
Susan Tolsky - Patty
Jane Curtin - Elaine

- Albert: You know what he said, "With malice toward none and charity to all".
- Louise: And the last thing he said was "Look honey, I've got these two great seats for the theater tonight".
- Albert: Jesus, why did I have to bring up Lincoln?

Richard Benjamin - Albert
Jessica Lange - Louise

“- Louise: Oh, I don't know, there's got to be some way we can make money.
- Elaine: We can make porno films and all wear ski masks.”
Jessica Lange - Louise
Jane Curtin - Elaine

“- Elaine: I thought you said you couldn't swim!
- Louise: I can't!”

Jane Curtin - Elaine
Jessica Lange - Louise

“- Albert: Louise, I swear to you there is no money. If you only knew what was going on in that hospital. It's not only the IRS, I'm in deep financial trouble, and I need you to hold me, to hug me, to kiss me, to reassure me that everything isn't as hopeless as it looks.
- Louise: The only thing that is hopeless, Albert is that you're horny 24...” (continue)(continue reading)
Richard Benjamin - Albert
Jessica Lange - Louise

“- Elaine: This is an emergency!
- Power & Light man: It always is.
- Elaine: No, I am serious. My mother is a very sick woman. She's in the bed next to me with her kidney machine, which has kept her alive for seven years. This wonderful 84-year-old woman!”

Jane Curtin - Elaine
Garrett Morris - Power & Light Man

“- Elaine: I know how to get the money out of the money ball!
- Louise: How?
- Elaine: Suck!”
Jane Curtin - Elaine
Jessica Lange - Louise