“If You Only Knew” quotes

“Turn gay, attract women.”
James Le Gros - Jack

“- Newspaper Editor: I'm not looking for writers. I'm looking for ideas. Ideas with heart. If you pitch me a... a great idea with heart, you get to write it. That's the wonderful world of freelance.
- Parker Concorde: Well, actually, I'm working on this... psychic hotline article.
- Newspaper Editor: Good. How's it end?
- Parker Concorde: How...” (continue)(continue reading)
Joey Travolta - Newspaper Editor
Johnathon Schaech - Parker Concorde

“- Troy: Baby, I smell some gossip. I smell big, fat, stinking, juicy gossip.
- Matt: Troy, my friend, you have no idea.”
Miguel A. Núñez Jr. - Troy
Paul Sampson - Matt

“As they say at the bureau, you have to seize life before it seizes you.”
Lainie Kazan - Bess

“That's the great thing about painting. If you don't like something, you just paint right over it and start fresh.”
Alison Eastwood - Samantha

“What's gonna happen when all you want to do is the filthy nasty with her and all she wants from you is an opinion on which earrings she should wear with a dress?”

James Le Gros - Jack

“- Parker Concorde: You know, I'm glad you came around, because I was about to have a coronary.
- Samantha: Yeah, me, too.”
Johnathon Schaech - Parker Concorde
Alison Eastwood - Samantha

“Ever since I've been... gay... I've felt more comfortable around women than I've ever been.”
Johnathon Schaech - Parker Concorde

“- Parker Concorde: Thank you.
- Bess: You're welcome, but what for?
- Parker Concorde: For giving me an ending.”
Johnathon Schaech - Parker Concorde
Lainie Kazan - Bess

“You can't write it if you don't know how it ends - Journalism 101.”
Joey Travolta - Newspaper Editor

“- Kate: Men are just giant artichokes. They're prickly and hairy and hard and... until you get to the heart.
- Parker Concorde: Which is the best part.”
Gabrielle Anwar - Kate
Johnathon Schaech - Parker Concorde

“- Samantha: I feel safer living with a man. Plus, I made some great friends.
- Parker Concorde: So, you're not worried about things turning... romantic?
- Samantha: Romantic?
- Parker Concorde: I mean, you're very... You're a very attractive woman.
- Samantha: Oh, thank you, Parker. That's why I only live with men who are gay.”

Alison Eastwood - Samantha
Johnathon Schaech - Parker Concorde