“Jeff Dunham: Spark of Insanity” quotes

“- Jeff Dunham: Do you have a weakness?
- Melvin the Superhero Guy: Cupcakes... and porn. Not at the same time! I need a free hand.”
Jeff Dunham - Jeff Dunham
Jeff Dunham - Melvin the Superhero Guy

“- Peanut: What the hell is wrong with you? We cannot talk at the same time! I talk, you talk, I talk, you talk, that's it! Focus! I am so sick of this crap! I've tried going solo!
- Jeff Dunham: And what happened?
- Peanut: Kept falling off this frickin' stand, that's what happened.”

Jeff Dunham - Peanut
Jeff Dunham - Himself

“- Jeff Dunham: Does your wife have any powers?
- Melvin the Superhero Guy: Yes, really, uh-huh. Once a month she becomes evil! And I cannot defeat her! Our children run in terror! Our big dog cowers under the couch!”
Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - Melvin the Superhero Guy

“- Jeff Dunham: I like Aquaman. He can breathe underwater and talk to fish.
- Melvin the Superhero Guy: Yeah, great, he has all the same powers as Spongebob.”
Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - Melvin the Superhero Guy

“- Jeff Dunham: Marriage is an institution.
- Walter: So is Alcatraz.
- Jeff Dunham: You can't compare marriage to prison.
- Walter: Yeah, I guess you're right. The warden doesn't max out your credit cards.”
Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - Walter

- Walter: You heard a little of that, didn't ya?
- Jeff Dunham: Oh yeah.
- Walter: I hung up on her.
- Jeff Dunham: Not good.
- Walter: Yeah. She called back and she's like: "Did you hang up on me?". I said: "I don't know, did it sound something like this? Click!".
- Jeff Dunham: Did that make her angry?
- Walter: Oh, I felt a disturbance in the... (continue)(continue reading)

Jeff Dunham - Walter
Jeff Dunham - Himself

- Jeff Dunham: José, I must say you speak English very well.
- José Jalapeño on a Stick: Gracias, Señor.
- Jeff Dunham: What were some of the first phrases you learned in English?
- Peanut: "Will you help me push my car?" "Does this I.D. look real to you?"
- Jeff Dunham: Will you stop it?
- Peanut: "Where's the nearest Home Depot?"
- Jeff Dunham... (continue)(continue reading)

Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - José Jalapeño on a Stick

“- Jeff Dunham: The White House is where the most powerful man in the free world lives.
- Walter: Oprah?”
Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - Walter

“- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: I would not kill the Jews. No. I would toss a penny between them and watch them fight to the death!
- Jeff Dunham: Achmed, stop doing that! You can't tell jokes like that!
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Why not? I'm killing... so to speak!”
Jeff Dunham - Achmed the Dead Terrorist
Jeff Dunham - Himself

“- Melvin the Superhero Guy: I can fly.
- Jeff Dunham: Really? How far?
- Melvin the Superhero Guy: How far can you throw me?”

Jeff Dunham - Melvin the Superhero Guy
Jeff Dunham - Himself

- Walter: I don't wanna go home.
- Jeff Dunham: Why not?
- Walter: I think my house is haunted.
- Jeff Dunham: Why do you think that?
- Walter: My wife is there. I walk in the front door and all I hear is: "Get out!".
Jeff Dunham - Walter
Jeff Dunham - Himself

- Jeff Dunham: So you're Muslim?
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: I don't think so.
- Jeff Dunham: You don't think you're Muslim?
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: No.
- Jeff Dunham: Why not?
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Look at my ass. It says: "Made in China".

Jeff Dunham - Achmed the Dead Terrorist
Jeff Dunham - Himself

“- Jeff Dunham: So you're a superhero?
- Melvin the Superhero Guy: Yes!
- Jeff Dunham: What is your most outstanding feature?
- Melvin the Superhero Guy: My costume.”
Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - Melvin the Superhero Guy

“I named him Bill 'cause I got him when Clinton was in office, and as a puppy he was humping everything.”

Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham

“- Jeff Dunham: You can't tell jokes like that.
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: Why?
- Jeff Dunham: It offends people.
- Achmed the Dead Terrorist: I'm dead, what do I care?”

Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - Achmed the Dead Terrorist

“- Jeff Dunham: Do you believe in reincarnation?
- Walter: Hell, I don't know.
- Jeff Dunham: Well, if it happens, who would you come back as and what would you do?
- Walter: I would come back as my wife and leave me the hell alone!”
Jeff Dunham - Himself
Jeff Dunham - Walter

- Walter: Maybe one day I'll be reincarnated and come back as a sensitive guy.
- Jeff Dunham: Sure.
- Walter: Driving blue frickin' Prius. That is the saddest little vehicle.
- Jeff Dunham: It's a great car!
- Walter: You ever heard it when you drive by?
- Jeff Dunham: No.
- Walter: It goes "IIIIIII'm gaaaaayyyyyy".
Jeff Dunham - Walter
Jeff Dunham - Himself