“Kung Pow! Enter the Fist” quotes

- Chosen One: But I don't understand. Who are the evil council?
- Mu Shu Fasa: The answer you seek resides in the stars above.
- Chosen One: I don't understand.
- Mu Shu Fasa: Of course you don't. I'm speaking in riddles. That's kind of the point, like a clue, so when you figure it out you'll say "oh, that's what he meant! Stars above"!
Steve Oedekerk - Chosen One
Mu Shu Fasa - Mu Shu Fasa

“- Chosen One: I'll take a pound of nuts.
- Shop Keeper: [yelling] That's a lot of nuts! That'll be four bucks, baby! You want fries with that?”
Steve Oedekerk - Chosen One

“You killed my family and I don't like that kind of thing.”
Steve Oedekerk - Chosen One

“- Master Tang: I know you seek The Chosen One. And I know what you did to his family.
[begins coughing]
- Master Tang: And now, I'm going to beat you up.
- Master Pain (Betty): Do you need a glass of water, or something? Geez, at least cover your mouth. We're all going to catch it.”
Hui Lou Chen - Master Tang
Fei Lung - Master Pain (Betty)

“No! He would kill you like a small dog. Let your anger be as a monkey in a piñata... hiding amongst the candy... hoping the kids don't break through with the stick!”
Hui Lou Chen - Master Tang

“Knock, knock. Who's there? Your butt that's about to be kicked!”
Chia Yung Liu - Wimp Lo

“Well, I thought you looked familiar. Sorry, I didn't recognize you without crap in your pants!”
Fei Lung - Master Pain (Betty)

“Ok, so here were my options: A, quickly duck sideways, dodge the claw, then take him out with a spinning back-kick... or B, take the claw in the face, then roll on the ground, and die.
[hit in the face after a few seconds later]
Hmm. I guess I should have gone with A!”

Hui Lou Chen - Master Tang

“I have been called bad before. Many have said I do things that are not correct to do. I don't believe in talk such as this. I am nice man, with happy feelings. All of the time. First, a joke. What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?
[pause]
My ass. Nyah, haha, enough.”
Fei Lung - Master Pain (Betty)

“- Chosen One: Master Tang I have traveled many miles to meet you.
- Master Tang: How many miles? Would you say 10 million?”
Steve Oedekerk - Chosen One
Hui Lou Chen - Master Tang

“- Master Pain (Betty): That's right! The Evil Council are aliens!
- Chosen One: [speaker comes out of Council ship and plays French music] They're French.
- Master Pain (Betty): Ha, ha! Stinky pits and all, baby!”

Fei Lung - Master Pain (Betty)
Steve Oedekerk - Chosen One

“- Master Doe: Please, I'm dying, you must listen to me. I fear the Chosen One may give up hope, this must not happen. The creature in his tongue, although a little disturbing, possesses great supernatural powers. Without Tonguey, the Council is invincible, they will come to Betty's aid. Do you understand that?
- Master Tang: [nods head up and...” (continue)(continue reading)
Chi Ma - Master Doe
Hui Lou Chen - Master Tang

“Killing is wrong. And bad. There should be a new, stronger word for killing. Like badwrong, or badong. Yes, killing is badong. From this moment, I will stand for the opposite of killing: gnodab.”
Steve Oedekerk - Chosen One

“I see the way you look at him. I'm a man, too, you know? I go pee pee standing up.”
Fei Lung - Master Pain (Betty)

“- Chosen One: His powers are greater than mine.
- Mu Shu Fasa: Yes. Plus, when you got hit with his iron claw, you did scream like a wussy.”
Steve Oedekerk - Chosen One
Mu Shu Fasa - Mu Shu Fasa

“- Master Doe: I have a mortal wound.
- Master Tang: Where? Where does it hurt?
- Master Doe: Oh, pretty much around the big bloody spot.”
Chi Ma - Master Doe
Hui Lou Chen - Master Tang