“Puddle Cruiser” quotes

- Matt: Maybe it's one of those love numbers.
- Felix Bean: What? Like "I want to be with you 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year"?
- Zach: Yeah, but these numbers are 213147.
- Felix Bean: Oh well, I guess she wants to be with you three days a week, 21 hours a day, 147 days a year.

Paul Soter - Matt
Steve Lemme - Felix Bean
Jay Chandrasekhar - Zach

“They got married, and the cops found out and... well, you know cops. That kinda ended it. They still write, though. Well, he writes. She's still learnin'. Ah, it's no big deal, you know, it's over. He's not allowed into Mississippi anymore, and she wanted to raise the kid there, and... between you and me, I think that's for the best.”

Kevin Heffernan - Grogan

“- Zach: I didn't want to kiss her in a public place.
- Felix Bean: What? Like on the face?”
Jay Chandrasekhar - Zach
Steve Lemme - Felix Bean

“- Sara: Garbage Dick?
- Matt: Yeah. Oh, no, no. It's no big deal. I mean, that was at least a year or two ago, anyway.
- Sara: Wait, what does that mean?
- Matt: Ah, I wouldn't worry about it. Besides, everyone wears condoms these days, right?”

Laura Satzman - Sara
Paul Soter - Matt