“Signs” quotes

“- Rev. Graham Hess: Come on, now, you're too old to be doing this. You get a glass of water, and leave it lying around instead of finishing it. Now what's wrong with this one?
- Bo Hess: It has dust in it.
- Rev. Graham Hess: And this one?
- Bo Hess: A hair.
- Rev. Graham Hess: And this one?
- Bo Hess: Morgan took a sip and it's got his amoebas...” (continue)(continue reading)
Mel Gibson - Rev. Graham Hess
Abigail Breslin - Bo Hess

- Merrill Hess: For the kids' protection. They were watching the TV from 5am on. I didn't want them getting obsessed, like you said. They should be outside, playing "Furry Furry Rabbit" or tea party or something.
- Rev. Graham Hess: What's "Furry Furry rabbit"?
- Merrill Hess: It's a game, isn't it?
Joaquin Phoenix - Merrill Hess
Mel Gibson - Rev. Graham Hess

“One time, I was at this party... and I was sitting on the couch with Amanda McKinney. She was just sitting there, looking beautiful. So, I lean in to kiss her, and I realize I have gum in my mouth. So, I turn to spit it out and put it in a paper cup. I turn back, and Amanda McKinney throws up all over herself. I knew the moment it happened, it...” (continue)(continue reading)
Joaquin Phoenix - Merrill Hess

“There's a monster outside my room, can I have a glass of water?”

Abigail Breslin - Bo Hess

“- Bo Hess: It tastes funny.
[Morgan Hess takes a sip]
- Morgan Hess: It does not. It's just tap water. Besides, he licks his butt every day, I don't think he'll mind.”

Abigail Breslin - Bo Hess
Rory Culkin - Morgan Hess

“- Tracey Abernathy, the Pharmacist: I swore 37 times in the last month. I said the 'f-word' a couple of times, but it was mostly 'shit's and 'bastard's. Is 'douche bag' a curse?
- Rev. Graham Hess: I suppose it would depend on its usage.
- Tracey Abernathy, the Pharmacist: How about 'John, you're a douche bag for kissing Barbara'?
- Rev. Graham...” (continue)(continue reading)
Merritt Wever - Tracey Abernathy, the Pharmacist
Mel Gibson - Rev. Graham Hess

“- Morgan Hess: They said there are one of two outcomes of an invasion. One: they fight, and are defeated, and have to return again with full forces hundreds or even thousands of years later.
- Rev. Graham Hess: What's two?
- Morgan Hess: They win.”

Rory Culkin - Morgan Hess
Mel Gibson - Rev. Graham Hess

“Morgan, after you were born, the doctor gave you to your mother. When she first looked at you, you just stared right back. You both just stared at each other for longest time, and you didn't even cry.”
Mel Gibson - Rev. Graham Hess

“- SFC Cunningham: You've got two minor league home-run records, don't ya?
- Merrill Hess: Five.
- SFC Cunningham: Why weren't you in the pros making stacks of cash and getting your toes licked by beautiful women?
- Lionel Prichard: 'Cause he has another record most people don't know about. He has the minor league strikeout record.”
Ted Sutton - SFC Cunningham
Joaquin Phoenix - Merrill Hess
Michael Showalter - Lionel Prichard

“- Morgan Hess: We have to tape this.
[he gets a tape, but Bo Hess grabs it and hugs it to her]
- Bo Hess: My ballet recital!
- Morgan Hess: Listen, Bo. This is very important. Everything people have written about in science books is going to change. The history of the world's future is on the TV right now. We need to record this so you can show...” (continue)(continue reading)

Rory Culkin - Morgan Hess
Abigail Breslin - Bo Hess

“Morgan, this crop stuff is just about a bunch of nerds who never had a girlfriend their whole lives. They're like thirty now. They make up secret codes and analyze Greek mythology and make secret societies where other guys who never had girlfriends can join in. They do stupid crap like this to feel special. It's a scam. Nerds were doin' it...” (continue)(continue reading)

Joaquin Phoenix - Merrill Hess

- SFC Cunningham: It's called "probing". It's a military procedure. You send in a reconnaissance group, very small... to check things out. Not to engage, but to evaluate the situation... evaluate the level of danger. Make sure things are all clear.
- Merrill Hess: Clear for what?
- SFC Cunningham: For the rest of them.

Ted Sutton - SFC Cunningham
Joaquin Phoenix - Merrill Hess

“There are a lot of things I can take, and some things I can't. But what I can't take is when my older brother, who's everything that I want to be, starts losing faith in things. I saw that look in your eyes last night. I don't ever want to see that look in your eyes again.”

Joaquin Phoenix - Merrill Hess

“- Rev. Graham Hess: What are you thinking about?
- Bo Hess: Why do you talk to Mom when you're by yourself?
- Rev. Graham Hess: Makes me feel better.
- Bo Hess: Does she ever answer back?
- Rev. Graham Hess: No.
- Bo Hess: She never answers me either.”

Mel Gibson - Rev. Graham Hess
Abigail Breslin - Bo Hess

“People break down into two groups. When they experience something lucky, group number one sees it as more than luck, more than coincidence. They see it as a sign, evidence, that there is someone up there, watching out for them.”
Mel Gibson - Rev. Graham Hess

“- Merrill Hess: Excluding the possibility that a female Scandinavian Olympian was running around outside our house last night, what else might be a possibility?
- Officer Paski: I'm not done asking questions. And I don't appreciate sarcasm.”
Joaquin Phoenix - Merrill Hess
Cherry Jones - Officer Paski