“Team America: World Police” quotes

“Let's get one thing straight, actor. I don't trust you. And if you betray us, I'll rip your fucking balls off and stuff them up your ass so that the next time you shit, you'll shit all over your balls, got it?”
Matt Stone - Chris

“I like you. You have balls. I like balls.”

“Let me explain to you the kind of man Gary is. He's a man who knows that when you put another man's cock in your mouth, you make a pact. A bond that cannot be broken. He's a man so dedicated that he will get down on his knees and put that cock right in his mouth.”

Daran Norris - Spottswoode

“I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!”
Trey Parker - Gary Johnston

“- Gary Johnston: Ok, a limousine that can fly. Now I have seen everything.
- Spottswoode: Really? Have you seen a man eat his own head?
- Gary Johnston: No.
- Spottswoode: So then, you haven't seen everything.”
Trey Parker - Gary Johnston
Daran Norris - Spottswoode

“- Lisa: Promise me you'll never die.
- Gary Johnston: You know I can't promise that.
- Lisa: If you did that, I would make love to you right now.
- Gary Johnston: I promise I'll never die.”
Kristen Miller - Lisa
Trey Parker - Gary Johnston

“Why is everyone so fucking stupid? Why aren’t more people interrigent? Rike me?”
Trey Parker - Kim Jong Il

“Please, Gary. I'm not from Hollywood, I'm not going to fuck your mouth.”
Daran Norris - Spottswoode

“Hey, terrorist! Terrorize this!”
Kristen Miller - Lisa

- Spottswoode: Remember, there is no "I" in "Team America".
- I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.: [pause] Yes, there is.
Daran Norris - Spottswoode
Phil Hendrie - I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E.

“See, there's three kinds of people: dicks, pussies, and assholes. Pussies think everyone can get along, and dicks just want to fuck all the time without thinking it through. But then you got your assholes, Chuck. And all the assholes want us to shit all over everything!”

“[Gary sees the limo] Oh, I get it. I'm supposed to get inside your limo and let you put your finger inside me. And if I go down on you, I get a movie part.”
Trey Parker - Gary Johnston

You had me at "dicks fuck assholes”.
Kristen Miller - Lisa

“- Gary Johnston: Jesus, this is a nice limo.
- Spottswoode: Yes, it is. Now suck my cock! Just kidding.”
Trey Parker - Gary Johnston
Daran Norris - Spottswoode