“The Devil and Max Devlin” quotes

“- Max Devlin: A weird thing just happened, there's this mirror behind the cashier...
- Barney Satin: You're one of us now. Inhabitants of Hell cast no reflection.”
Elliott Gould - Max Devlin
Bill Cosby - Barney Satin

“- Barney Satin: By midnight, they belong to me.
- Max Devlin: Not until the natural end of their lives. That's what you said.
- Barney Satin: Point of fact: I lied. I need them now.
- Max Devlin: Oh, no! Barney, please! I couldn't have done it if I'd known that! He's a great kid. They're all great kids, but that kid, kill him and you kill her!
-...” (continue)(continue reading)

Bill Cosby - Barney Satin
Elliott Gould - Max Devlin

“- Toby Hart: It's for you, Mom. It's Uncle Max.
- Penny Hart: Uncle Max. I don't believe it. Tell him that I'm, uh... Tell him that I'm not here.
- Toby Hart: She says to say she's not here.
- Max Devlin: Huh? Well, then you tell her it's somebody else. I have to talk to her.
- Toby Hart: He says to say he's someone else.”
Adam Rich - Toby Hart
Susan Anspach - Penny Hart
Elliott Gould - Max Devlin

“- Max Devlin: I got until midnight, May 15th. That's our deal. Look, I'm... I'm telling you. I'm trying to get these people so hooked on me, they'll sign anything. That takes time. Now, if I go too fast, I'm liable to blow the whole deal!
- Barney Satin: I like your style, Max. You're a devious fellow.”
Elliott Gould - Max Devlin
Bill Cosby - Barney Satin

“- Max Devlin: There's the little old ladies who insists on keeping their pets and the young, married couples who insists on keeping their kids. Not that I've got anything against kids, but some landlords feel it's rough enough taking care of a place these days without them. Thumping and bumping around. And playing handball on your walls at all...” (continue)(continue reading)
Elliott Gould - Max Devlin
Susan Anspach - Penny Hart

“- Penny Hart: I love you, Max.
- Max Devlin: How could you possibly love me? I'm not lovable. I'm not even nice. I'm irresponsible. Unreliable. You've said so yourself a million times. Look, even if we try, I'll still probably leave you without any warning. I'm a rotten person.
- Penny Hart: The only trouble with you, Max, is that you have no...” (continue)(continue reading)
Susan Anspach - Penny Hart
Elliott Gould - Max Devlin

“- Mr. Billings: The air conditioning's on the fritz and it's hotter than Hell up here!
- Barney Satin: Ha! He doesn't know how hot it is.”

Ted Zeigler - Mr. Billings
Bill Cosby - Barney Satin

“- Max Devlin: You want me to corrupt the souls of little kids? See, I've never been much on kids... but that's not a nice thing.
- Barney Satin: Neither is Level 4.
- Max Devlin: Where do I sign?”

Elliott Gould - Max Devlin
Bill Cosby - Barney Satin

“- Sheila: I can't believe it! After all, we've meant to each other, you would actually evict me for keeping a parakeet in my room?
- Max Devlin: Sweetheart, if I let you keep a parakeet, I'd have to let everybody else keep a parakeet and this is not a bird sanctuary, it's an apartment house!”
Julie Parrish - Sheila
Elliott Gould - Max Devlin

“- Max Devlin: Oh my God!
- Barney Satin: I wish you wouldn't say that.
- Max Devlin: I'm sorry!
- Barney Satin: Yeah.”
Elliott Gould - Max Devlin
Bill Cosby - Barney Satin

“Believe me, Penny. My life isn't my own. And on top of everything else, there's my real estate responsibilities, which are considerable. Some landlords will allow a place to go to Hell in a trash can, but not me. Constant repairs, constant maintenance, constant outlays of time and money.”
Elliott Gould - Max Devlin

“- Max Devlin: That's entrapment! It's not fair!
- Barney Satin: Fair? Are you forgetting where you are?”

Elliott Gould - Max Devlin
Bill Cosby - Barney Satin

“Winning this Grammy is a great honor. And to those who are not up here with me now to share it with me, Max Devlin, my manager, Jerry Nadler, a blizzard, I have only this to say: It was a long, hard pull, man, and I got nobody to thank but myself.”
Julie Budd - Stella Summers

“- Max Devlin: I know you're here! Let me see your rotten, lying, deceitful face now! I'm gonna burn your contracts!
- Barney Satin: Burn those contracts and eternal damnation is yours! You'll know the unmitigating pain and horror of limbs being torn from their sockets! Your limbs! Your sockets! You'll feel pain you've never imagined in life!...” (continue)(continue reading)

Elliott Gould - Max Devlin
Bill Cosby - Barney Satin