“The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard” quotes

“I never cared much for Jews, queers, or fuckin' Eskimos. It was just the way I was raised.”
Charles Napier - Dick Lewiston

“I'm a Christian man or whatever religion dominates the region I'm selling in, but you have to admit it did sound like she was talking about the big va-jay-jay, right?”
Jeremy Piven - Don Ready

Rock climbing? Why would anybody go climb a rock? Man, things are changing. I remember when men were "men" and women were "gals" and we called coloreds "coloreds"...
Charles Napier - Dick Lewiston

“I haven't been home in a year and a half... and I'm about 90% sure I left the front door open.”
Ving Rhames - Jibby Newsome

“- Don Ready: Are you in a boy band?
- Paxton Harding: No. I'm in a man band. We're all over 30. We call it a man band.
- Don Ready: You're men in a boy band.”
Ed Helms - Paxton Harding
Jeremy Piven - Don Ready

“- Stewardess Stacey: Sir, there's no smoking on airplanes.
- Don Ready: I know! It's ridiculous, isn't it? Don't worry about it, I'll be quick.”
Kristen Schaal - Stewardess Stacey
Jeremy Piven - Don Ready

I'm Don "The Goods" Ready. Everyone here told you their story, here's mine... I have hair on my balls and I sell cars. The end.
Jeremy Piven - Don Ready

“Pain is weakness leaving the body.”
Jeremy Piven - Don Ready

“You give away free hot dogs and put up an inflatable gorilla, shit's gonna go down.”
Jeremy Piven - Don Ready

“I don't know why, but I can't enjoy breakfast anywhere but a strip club. My mom used to always cook bacon naked. She would cook bacon all day long.”
David Koechner - Brent Gage

“Make no mistake, gentlemen. When you die... poop... leaves... your butt.”
Kathryn Hahn - Babs Merrick

“Nobody tells deejay request what to play. Let them tell you what to play, they lose respect for you. They lose respect for you, you lose control. Not today...”
Craig Robinson - DeeJay