“The Truth About Cats & Dogs” quotes

“- Abby: If I was a guy, I think women would, like, line up to go out with me. I'm smart. I have a good sense of humor. I make a great living.
- Noelle: I'd fuck you.
- Abby: Thank you, honey. I know you would.”
Janeane Garofalo - Abby
Uma Thurman - Noelle

“You know how someone's appearance can change the longer you know them? How a really attractive person, if you don't like them, can become more and more ugly; whereas someone you might not have even have noticed... that you wouldn't look at more than once, if you love them, can become the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. All you want to do...” (continue)(continue reading)
Ben Chaplin - Brian

“I don't eat anything so I can look good on the outside, but on the inside, there's nothing.”
Uma Thurman - Noelle

“- Noelle: Disappointment doesn't kill.
- Abby: Right... rejection kills. Disappointment only maims.”
Uma Thurman - Noelle
Janeane Garofalo - Abby

“- Abby: Say something.
- Brian: I want to make love to you.
- Abby: Never on the first phone call.”

Janeane Garofalo - Abby
Ben Chaplin - Brian

“You gotta have a boyfriend, don't you? Otherwise it's just you and a cat and, before you know, 40 candles on your birthday cake.”

Uma Thurman - Noelle

“- Abby: I have to tell you something.
- Brian: What?
- Abby: The other night on the phone... I'm pregnant.
- Brian: Oh darling... are you sure it was me?
- Abby: I don't know. I made a lot of phone calls that night.”
Janeane Garofalo - Abby
Ben Chaplin - Brian

Dogs don't like to be left alone. It's not like when you leave he goes, "Great, time to finish writing my novel!". No, when their humans leave, dogs get depressed, and they show it.
Janeane Garofalo - Abby

“If you were trapped in Biosphere 2 for three years, who would you bring: Time Magazine's Woman of the Year or Playboy's Playmate of the Year?”
Janeane Garofalo - Abby

“- Cosmetics Saleslady: We also have this new face cream which neutralizes the free radicals that attack the skin. Let me ask you: what's your skin regime?
- Abby: My regime? The regime from which the radicals are trying to get free? Are we selling face cream or staging a coup?”
Lisa Marie Russell - Saleswoman
Janeane Garofalo - Abby

“Say you meet one of these no sparks women, and you really take the time to get to know her and then you become intellectually stimulated by her. You just really enjoy her personality, thereby igniting all your lust and passion. Have you ever thought about that?”

Janeane Garofalo - Abby

“- Noelle: He has this small personal habit that just drives me crazy.
- Abby: What's that?
- Noelle: He loves you.”
Uma Thurman - Noelle
Janeane Garofalo - Abby

- Abby: I heard "dumb bitch". I assumed you were talking to me.
- Roy: I was talking to her.
- Abby: Your name is dumb bitch too? No wonder I keep getting all of your mail! You know, we could be related. There are a lot of us dumb bitches here in LA.

Janeane Garofalo - Abby
James McCaffrey - Roy

- Abby: You forgot to say "I love you because you're beautiful".
- Brian: No, I didn't. I mean, she is. But that's not why I love her.
Janeane Garofalo - Abby
Ben Chaplin - Brian

“You burp and guys think its adorable. You puke and they line up to hold your hair back.”
Janeane Garofalo - Abby

“Did you ever look in the mirror so long that your face didn't make sense anymore? It just becomes all these shapes. Just shapes. Not good or bad.”
Uma Thurman - Noelle

“- Brian: He snores, which was a problem, um... but we solved it.
- Abby: How'd you do that?
- Brian: Well, he slept on my face and I couldn't hear him anymore.”
Ben Chaplin - Brian
Janeane Garofalo - Abby

“- Noelle: What's wrong, Abby?
- Abby: Nothing that a rooftop and an AK-47 won't take care of.”
Uma Thurman - Noelle
Janeane Garofalo - Abby

“- Noelle: You and I combined make the perfect woman.
- Abby: No. You and I combined make the perfect political prisoner. What we really do well is act self-righteous and starve.”
Uma Thurman - Noelle
Janeane Garofalo - Abby