“The Whole Nine Yards” quotes

(2000)
Movie The Whole Nine Yards
Jonathan Lynn directed this movie in 2000
Title The Whole Nine Yards
Year 2000
Director Jonathan Lynn
Genre Comedy, Crime
Plot – Oz is a nice dentist living in a nice Montreal neighborhood. He has an awful wife and an awful mother-in-law, who he has to live with. The divorce will be granted only after he has paid off a big debt. His new next-door neighbor, Jimmy “The Tulip”, is a professional killer with 17 homicides on record and a reward on his head. Despite their differences, Oz and Jimmy have something in common: someone is trying to kill them. Avoiding a couple of hit-men is easy for Jimmy, but it is a completely new story for Oz. In order to survive they have to join forces, combining Jimmy's slyness and cold blood with Oz's dentist tools.
All actors – Bruce Willis, Matthew Perry, Rosanna Arquette, Michael Clarke Duncan, Natasha Henstridge, Amanda Peet, Kevin Pollak, Harland Williams, Carmen Ferland, Serge Christianssens, Renee Madeline Le Guerrier, Jean-Guy Bouchard, Howard Bilerman, Johnny Goar, Deano Clavet, Stephanie Biddle, Charles Biddle Sr., Geoff Lapp, Gary Gold, Robert Burns, France Arbour, Sean Devine, Richard Jutras, Mark Camacho, Joanna Noyes, John Sanford Moore, Kent McQuaid, Mike Tsar, Rumer Willis
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  • “- Oz Oseransky: Damn it, Jimmy. What the hell did you have to go and move in next door to me?
    - Jimmy Tudeski: Oz, do you know what kind of soil they have in this back yard? I've been here two days and I've got little tomato plants...
    - Oz Oseransky: Oh my God.”

    Matthew Perry - Oz Oseransky
    Bruce Willis - Jimmy Tudeski
    [Tag:neighbors]
  • “Friends do not engage in sexual congress with each other's wives.”
    Bruce Willis - Jimmy Tudeski
  • “- Jimmy Tudeski: You're a dentist?
    - Oz Oseransky: Afraid so.
    - Jimmy Tudeski: You suicidal?
    - Oz Oseransky: Why would you say that?
    - Jimmy Tudeski: Well, I read that dentists are prone to suicide.
    - Oz Oseransky: Look, Jimmy, I may hate my life, but I certainly don't want to die.”

    Bruce Willis - Jimmy Tudeski
    Matthew Perry - Oz Oseransky
  • “- Jimmy Tudeski: You're about to find out if the woman you love loves you. You know, if it were me, in her position, I'd just take the money and run.
    - Oz Oseransky: So what are you betting on?
    - Jimmy Tudeski: I'm betting on love. Love for you means money for me.”

    Bruce Willis - Jimmy Tudeski
    Matthew Perry - Oz Oseransky
    [Tag:love, money]
  • “I'm telling you this like a friend because if you screw this up - I would hate to... I would really hate to have to kill you. I would hate it more than mayonnaise. You know how much I hate mayonnaise.”

    Bruce Willis - Jimmy Tudeski
    [Tag:killing, secrets]
  • “- Cynthia: You really meant it, didn't you? What you said?
    - Oz Oseransky: About loving you? Of course! What did you think this was all about?
    - Cynthia: Sex. I mean, great sex...”

    Natasha Henstridge - Cynthia
    Matthew Perry - Oz Oseransky
    [Tag:love, sex]
  • “I'm gonna keep the coke and the fries but I'm gonna send this burger back. And if you put any mayonnaise on it, I'm gonna come over to your house, I'll chop your legs off, set fire to your house, and watch as you drag your bloody stumps out the door.”
    Bruce Willis - Jimmy Tudeski
  • “- Oz Oseransky: I swear, I am not gonna let anybody kill you.
    - Cynthia: Under the circumstances, I think that's probably the most romantic thing anyone's ever said to me.
    - Oz Oseransky: Thanks.”

    Matthew Perry - Oz Oseransky
    Natasha Henstridge - Cynthia
    [Tag:romance, safety]
  • “I can't think of nothing finer than a fine naked woman holding a gun.”
    Michael Clarke Duncan - Frankie Figs
    [Tag:weapons, women]
  • “- Cynthia: Promise me something.
    - Oz Oseransky: Anything.
    - Cynthia: You'll go slow. I haven't made love in five years.
    - Oz Oseransky: Neither have I. I've been married.”

    Natasha Henstridge - Cynthia
    Matthew Perry - Oz Oseransky
  • “- Cynthia: Have you vomited recently?
    - Oz Oseransky: A minute ago. I was just gonna brush my teeth.
    - Cynthia: I'll wait.”

    Natasha Henstridge - Cynthia
    Matthew Perry - Oz Oseransky
    [Tag:disease]
  • “Every red-blooded American knows that the only condiment that you are ever supposed to put on a hamburger is ketchup! Or maybe some of that special sauce you like so much here in Canada; which I think has a little bit of mayonnaise in it too! But I swear to God when they start slapping that mayonnaise on there I could kill somebody.”
    Bruce Willis - Jimmy Tudeski
    [Tag:dislike, food]
  • “You do this for me, and I give you your divorce. And if you don't do this for me, I swear I'll make your life so damn miserable it will make these past few years look like a pleasure cruise.”

    Rosanna Arquette - Sophie
    [Tag:divorce]
  • “It's not important how many people I've killed. What's important is how I get along with the people who are still alive.”
    Bruce Willis - Jimmy Tudeski
  • “- Sophie: Who you going to believe? A contract killer or your wife?
    - Oz Oseransky: Do I have to answer that?”

    Rosanna Arquette - Sophie
    Matthew Perry - Oz Oseransky
  • “- Jill: Your wife is not a nice person.
    - Oz Oseransky: You're expecting an arguement?”

    Amanda Peet - Jill
    Matthew Perry - Oz Oseransky
    [Tag:wife]
  • “- Dave Martin: Don't do anything stupid.
    - Oz Oseransky: Why would you say that?
    - Dave Martin: You married Sophie.”

    Howard Bilerman - Dave Martin
    Matthew Perry - Oz Oseransky
  • “I'm still a virgin. I mean I haven't killed anyone yet.”
    Amanda Peet - Jill
    [Tag:killing]
  • “- Cynthia: Don't get me wrong, Oz. I like you a lot...
    - Oz Oseransky: Well, that's great to hear, but I've got news for you. I don't generally go around risking my life for people who just like me.”

    Natasha Henstridge - Cynthia
    Matthew Perry - Oz Oseransky
    [Tag:like, risk]
  • “Everybody dies. Sooner or later.”
    Bruce Willis - Jimmy Tudeski
    [Tag:death]
Highlights