Movie Quotes “Joe Versus the Volcano” 

“You're afraid of the commitment? You're gonna have to love and honor me for about 30 seconds.”

Meg Ryan - Patricia

“- Marshall: What kinda clothes do you got now?
- Joe Banks: Well, I got the kinda clothes I'm wearing.
- Marshall: So you got no clothes.”
Ossie Davis - Marshall
Tom Hanks - Joe

“Frank, the coffee. It stinks. It tastes like arsenic. These lights give me a headache; if they don't give you a headache, you must be dead, so let's arrange the funeral!”
Tom Hanks - Joe

“Why, I ask myself, why have I put up with you? I can't imagine, but now I know. Fear. Yellow freakin' fear. I've been too chicken shit afraid to live my life so I sold it to you for three hundred freakin' dollars a week!”

Tom Hanks - Joe

“- Joe: What's that? A teddy bear?
- Chief of the Waponis: It's my soul.
- Joe: Oh, I hope you don't lose it.
- Chief of the Waponis: Me too.”
Tom Hanks - Joe
Abe Vigoda - Chief of the Waponis

“Who am I? That's the real question, isn't it? Who-who am I? Who are you! What other questions are there? What other questions are there, really! You want to understand the universe? Embrace the universe. The door to the universe is you.”
Tom Hanks - Joe

“- Dr. Ellison: What did you do in the fire department?
- Joe: Well... I put out fires.”
Robert Stack - Dr. Ellison
Tom Hanks - Joe

“- Joe: I still have a problem. I have a brain cloud.
- Patricia: A brain cloud... what is a brain cloud?
- Joe: It's - well, maybe I should get a second opinion.
- Patricia: You didn't get a second opinion on something called a brain cloud? I mean what are you, a hypochondriac?”
Tom Hanks - Joe
Meg Ryan - Patricia

“- Luggage Salesman: Have you thought much about luggage, Mr. Banks?
- Joe: No.
- Luggage Salesman: It's the central preoccupation of my life.”
Barry McGovern - Luggage Salesman
Tom Hanks - Joe

“- Mr. Waturi: There's a woman here!
- Joe: Don't you think I know that, Frank? Don't you think I am aware there is a woman here? I can smell her, like, like a flower. I can taste her, like sugar on my tongue. When I'm 20 feet away I can hear the fabric of her dress when she moves in her chair!”
Dan Hedaya - Mr. Waturi
Tom Hanks - Joe

“Joe, nobody knows anything. We'll take this leap and we'll see. We'll jump and we'll see. That's life!”
Meg Ryan - Patricia

“- Joe: What's the matter?
- Angelica: Did you ever think about killing yourself?
- Joe: What... Why would you do that?
- Angelica: Why shouldn't I?
- Joe: Because some things take care of themselves. They're not your job; maybe they're not even your business.”
Tom Hanks - Joe
Meg Ryan - Angelica

“- Patricia: I love you!
- Joe: I love you, too! I've never been in love with anybody before, either! It's great! I'm glad! But the timing stinks. I've gotta go.”
Meg Ryan - Patricia
Tom Hanks - Joe

“- Angelica: You must be tired.
- Joe: I don't mind talking.
- Angelica: Well, I do! This is one of those typical conversations where we're all open and sharing our innermost thoughts and it's all bullshit and a lie and it doesn't cost you anything!”
Meg Ryan - Angelica
Tom Hanks - Joe

“- Chief of the Waponis: Do you want to marry him?
- Patricia: Yes.
- Chief of the Waponis: Do you want to marry her?
- Joe: Yes.
- Chief of the Waponis: Good. You're married.”
Abe Vigoda - Chief of the Waponis
Meg Ryan - Patricia
Tom Hanks - Joe

“My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know. Everybody you see. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant total amazement.”
Meg Ryan - Patricia

“- Joe: I have less than six months to live. The Waponis believe they need a human sacrifice or their island is going to sink into the ocean. They have this mineral your father wants so he hired me to leap into their volcano.
- Patricia: What?
- Joe: You're not going to make me say that again, are you?”
Tom Hanks - Joe
Meg Ryan - Patricia

“I saw the moon when we where out there on the ocean. Shining down on everything. I've been miserable for so long. Years of my life wasted. For you. Been a long time comin' here to met you. A long time, on a crooked road.”

Tom Hanks - Joe

“I am completely untrustworthy... I'm a flibbertigibbet.”
Meg Ryan - Angelica

“You have some life left. My advice to you is: live it well.”

Robert Stack - Dr. Ellison

“Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how big... thank you. Thank you for my life.”
Tom Hanks - Joe

“- Marshall: They just pay me to drive the limo, sir. I'm not here to tell you who you are.
- Joe: I didn't ask you to tell me who I am.”
Ossie Davis - Marshall
Tom Hanks - Joe

“- Angelica: You're in a rotten mood.
- Patricia: It's the sunshine. Gets me down.”
Meg Ryan - Angelica
Meg Ryan - Patricia

“We are the children of children and we live as we are shown.”
Abe Vigoda - Chief of the Waponis

“- Patricia: I wonder where we'll end up?
- Joe: Away from the things of man, my love. Away from the things of man.”
Meg Ryan - Patricia
Tom Hanks - Joe