Bribe quotes

“The specs aren't on the gray market, the black market or any other market.”
Matt Damon - Linus Caldwell

“- Ralphie: [giving his teacher a fruit basket instead of just an apple] I thought you might like something different.
- Ralphie as an Adult: [narrating] Yes, clearly, a little bribe never hurts.”
Peter Billingsley - Ralphie
Jean Shepherd - Ralphie as an Adult

“- Records Clerk: I'm going to call the sheriff.
- David Waters: I'll give you $100.
- Records Clerk: Okay.
- David Waters: [stunned silence] O-okay... You know, you're lucky this investigation is so well funded.”
Lisa Mack - Records Clerk
Elijah Wood - Waters

“You're offering me a bribe. What you have just done is illegal and in this state, if convicted, you could be fined up to $5,000 or spend six months in a correction facility!”

Jim Carrey - The Cable Guy

“- Doralee Rhodes: But it really was a mistake, Mr. Hart, Violet put the poison in strictly by accident!
- Franklin Hart, Jr.: Oh really? Well, she might be able to get a jury to believe that; then again, she might not. But I think the real question here is whether or not you want to take that chance.
- Doralee Rhodes: Just what are you driving...” (continue)(continue reading)

Dolly Parton - Doralee Rhodes
Dabney Coleman - Franklin Hart, Jr.

“It's not illegal to bribe congressmen. They starve otherwise.”
John Hawkes - Robert Latham

“So when the bride comes in and she makes her giant, grand entrance, I like to glance back at the poor bastard getting married. 'Cause even though I think he's an idiot for willingly entering into the last legal form of slavery... I don't know, he always looks really, really happy. And, for some reason, I... [notices Jane giving him a weird look]...” (continue)(continue reading)

James Marsden - Kevin

“- Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ: Alpa, if you untie me, I will literally suck your dick, right now.
- Alpa Chino: Man, I told you for the last time, I love tha pussy!
- Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ: I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipe, and swallow the gravy. Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.”

Jack Black - Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ
Brandon T. Jackson - Alpa Chino - Hot LZ

“- Jane Blue: Jeff's a lousy shot. He had to bribe the examiner at the FBI.
- Jeff Blue: That's a lie! I bribed the guy at the CIA. I blackmailed the guy at the FBI.”

Kathleen Turner - Jane Blue
Dennis Quaid - Jeff Blue

“- Jack Frye: You want me to bribe senators?
- Howard Hughes: I don't want them bribed, Jack. I want it done legally. I want them bought.”
Danny Huston - Jack Frye
Leonardo DiCaprio - Howard Hughes

“- Marine: Just about cleaned you out. Sure makes you feel good, don't it, Gunny? Helping Uncle Sam battle dirty drawers.
- Highway: You pump the neighbor's dog again, Jakes, or are you always slack eyed and silly in the afternoon.
- Marine: Looks like you could use a little lift, Highway. Why don't you suck on one of these. Smooth as a prom...” (continue)(continue reading)

Alex M. Bello - Marine
Clint Eastwood - Highway

- "Sleepy" Bill Burns: Eddie's gettin' too old for this. I know what it's like. You walk out there with your arm hangin.
- Billy Maharg: You couldn't pitch when you was young, Burnsie.
- "Sleepy" Bill Burns: Eddie's the key. If we don't get him, we can forget about it.

Chris Lloyd - "Sleepy" Bill Burns
Richard Edson - Billy Maharg

“- Jonathan Mardukas: I got money, y'know.
- Jack Walsh: I'm sure you do.
- Jonathan Mardukas: I'll give you whatever you want.
- Jack Walsh: Start by shutting up. I know you all of two minutes and already I don't like ya.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Gee, that's too bad. I really like you.”
Charles Grodin - Jonathan Mardukas
Robert De Niro - Jack Walsh

“Rick, I want Debbie. You dump her and I'll give you cash. Ten thousand dollars, plus a G.E. toaster over, a Litton microwave, a Cuisinart, Michelin tires, brand new, a set of Sears' best metric tools...”
Robert Prescott - Cole Whittier

“- Emmett Fitz-Hume: Oh. Uh, will you hold my wallet for me while I take the test, please? There's a thousand dollars in there... or maybe there isn't. Know what I mean?
- Test Monitor: Are you saying I can take this money if I help you pass the test?
- Emmett Fitz-Hume: What do you think?”
Chevy Chase - Emmett Fitz-Hume
Frank Oz - Test Monitor

“- Leslie Hunter: How's Howie?
- Wendy Beamish: Oh well, I wouldn't say my father's trying to bribe me, but he did offer me a Chrysler Lebaron convertible if I get engaged to Howie.
- Jules: Have you fucked him yet?
- Wendy Beamish: Jules!... God.
- Jules: Listen... get the car, fuck him, and if you don't like him, break the engagement... and...” (continue)(continue reading)
Ally Sheedy - Leslie Hunter
Mare Winningham - Wendy Beamish
Demi Moore - Jules