Church quotes

“- Hannah Wald: Technically I don't think I'm a virgin anymore. This past summer at church camp I think I had my first orgasm.
- Kansas Hill: Any sentence that starts with church camp ain't leading to the big O.”
Rachel Blanchard - Hannah Wald
Mena Suvari - Kansas Hill

“- Francine Fishpaw: I'll never be able to show my face in church again! I'll be excommunicated because of you!
- Elmer Fishpaw: Stop that yammering and fix me a drink!”

Divine - Francine Fishpaw
David Samson - Elmer Fishpaw

“- Father of the Bride: Hey, buddy, I'm not paying you to hear your thoughts on life. I'm paying you to sing.
- Robbie Hart: Well, I have a microphone, and you don't, so you will listen to every damn word I have to say!”

Mark Lonow - Father of the Bride
Adam Sandler - Robbie Hart

“- Norma Rae: I want this church for a union meetin' next Saturday. Blacks and whites sittin' together.
- Reverend Hubbard: This is a house of God.
- Norma Rae: I'm waitin' to see whether it is or it isn't.”
Sally Field - Norma Rae
Vernon Weddle - Reverend Hubbard

“- Rev. Mother Maria-Veronica: It must be a great blow to you, to see your beautiful church so wantonly destroyed.
- Father Francis Chisholm: No one can destroy my church. I shall build it again. As long as I live I shall build my church.”
Rose Stradner - Rev. Mother Maria-Veronica
Gregory Peck - Father Francis Chisholm

“I just lost my virginity in a confessional booth! Lord have mercy!”
Giuseppe Andrews - Lex

“- Alan Parrish: Where's Sir Sav-A-Lot?
- Carl: Monroe and Elm!
- Alan Parrish: The Episcopal Church.
- Carl: No, it's not a church anymore. Now it's a Speedy Burger. Or at least it was. I don't know what's left of it. People in this town are goin' loopy.”
Robin Williams - Alan Parrish
David Alan Grier - Carl Bentley

“- Lieutenant: Open this door in the name of His Holiness the Bishop of Aquila.
- Imperius: Be off with you. This is a house of God, not a brothel.
- Lieutenant: I said open this door in the name of His Grace, the Bishop of Aquila.
- Imperius: I've met the bishop, you blasphemous lout. And you look nothing like him.”
Russel Case - Lieutenant
Leo McKern - Imperius

“- Vampira: Why couldn't we do this in the church?
- Criswell: Because Brother Tor couldn't fit in the sacred tub.”

Lisa Marie - Vampira
Jeffrey Jones - Criswell

“- El Mariachi: I have to go to church.
- Carolina: What for?
- El Mariachi: Confess my sins. I'm a sinner.”
Antonio Banderas - El Mariachi
Salma Hayek - Carolina

“Must the church be so drafty, Mr. Elton? It is difficult to surrender one's soul when one is worried about one's throat.”
Denys Hawthorne - Mr Woodhouse

“Church wants you on your place. Kneel, stand, kneel, stand. If you go for that sort of thing, I don't know what to do for you.”
Jack Nicholson - Frank Costello

“I've seen you at Mass almost every day for 23 years. The only person comes to church that much is the kind who can't forgive himself for something.”

Brían F. O'Byrne - Father Horvak

“- Doctor Martha Livingston: The Catholic Church doesn't have a corner on morality.
- Mother Miriam Ruth: Who said anything about the Catholic Church?
- Doctor Martha Livingston: You just did.
- Mother Miriam Ruth: What the hell does the Catholic Church got to do with you?
- Doctor Martha Livingston: Nothing.
- Mother Miriam Ruth: What have we...” (continue)(continue reading)
Jane Seymour Fonda - Doctor Martha Livingston
Anne Bancroft - Mother Miriam Ruth

“No, your grace, I did not know they were topless dancers. Well, they certainly helped raise a lot of money for the church.”
Flip Brown - Father Lawrence

“- Old Lady: You two boys can just fuck right off.
- Joe Young: Ma'am?
- Old Lady: You heard me. Take that book of Mormons and shove it so far up your righteous asses that you choke, you soul soliciting pigfuckers.”

Louise Rapport - Old Lady
Trey Parker - Joe Young

“- Pucci: We could return your reputation and your virginity to you.
- Victoria: You could do that?
- Pucci: Oh, yes. We are the Catholic Church. We can do anything.”
Jeremy Irons - Pucci
Natalie Dormer - Victoria

“If God's made the church bake sale a priority, we're in a lot of trouble.”
Ian Michael Smith - Simon Birch

“- Bean: Where are you going?
- Kramer: Church services.
- Bean: Church? You? What for?
- Kramer: Vietnam's what for, asshole!”
Charlie Sheen - Bean
Ken Douglas - Kramer

“- Bonnie Nelson: Wow! It's like a church.
- Hans: In many ways it is a church. So at least it will not frighten you, but inspire you.
- Bonnie Nelson: Thanks.”

Ivey Lloyd - Bonnie Nelson
John Huntington - Hans

“I'll be at church when they get a smoking section.”
Tyler Perry - Madea

“- Bitsey Bloom: You know you are in the bible belt when there are more churches than Starbucks.
- Zack: When there are more prisons than Starbucks.”
Kate Winslet - Bitsey Bloom
Gabriel Mann - Zack Stemmons

You asked me if I believe in God. I said "yes". You didn't ask me if I believe in the church. Now sometimes I don't like God much, or what they call God once they get him under their roof.
Skeet Ulrich - Juvenal

“- Peter Vincent: First we need some holy water, and some communion wafers.
- Alex: Communion wafers? The stuff you get from the church? Am I going to hell for this?”

Roddy McDowall - Peter Vincent
Traci Lind - Alex

“What do you think the Crusades were? A Pope's publicity stunt?”

Jeff Bridges - Parry