Misfortune quotes

“- Falcone: So how's school going, Raab?
- Raab: Oh, wow, not so good. I lost my schedule at the beginning of the semester, and couldn't find my classes for like a month and a half. I end up getting three D's and an F, I mean, it's not that bad considering I passed.”
Brandon DiCamillo - Falcone
Chris Raab - Raab

“He survived all those storms to be washed away by a few plastic lottery balls.”

David Kelly - Michael O'Sullivan

“- Max Conners: Turning down a wedding gift is bad luck.
- Jack Withrowe: I've never heard that before.
- Max Conners: Sure, everything to do with weddings is bad luck.”
Sigourney Weaver - Max Conners
Jason Lee - Jack Withrowe

“All right, knock this shit off! I have been having a very bad day! I just got out of jail this morning! Already i've been shot at, i was on a bus that flipped over seventeen times, bitch tried to stab me in the bathroom, and somebody blew up my Porsche! I am in a bad goddamn mood!”
Eddie Murphy - Reggie Hammond

“- Courtney: I flew accross that bathroom so fast, and you got fucked in the eye. How could you not know what a glory hole is?
- Christina: Well unlike my whore friend Courtney Rockcliff, I don't usually spend much time in men's public bathrooms. You could at least show some compassion.
- Courtney: Ok I'm sorry let's have a look. Well it looks...” (continue)(continue reading)
Christina Applegate - Courtney Rockcliffe
Cameron Diaz - Christina Walters

“- Selena: The world is at last my oyster.
- Bianca: Would you mind letting Bianca in on this, you know, unexpected bit of good luck? Or whatever it is?
- Selena: Bad luck. I have been chosen. The powers of darkness I think may, at long last, have come to their senses.”
Faye Dunaway - Selena
Brenda Vaccaro - Bianca

“At the beginning of the school year, Vern had buried a quart jar of pennies underneath his house. He drew a treasure map so he could find them again. A week later, his mom cleaned out his room and threw away the map. Vern had been trying to find those pennies for nine months. Nine months, man. You didn't know whether to laugh or cry.”
Richard Stephen Dreyfuss - The Writer

“Two tears in a bucket, motherfuck it.”
Lady Chablis - Chablis Deveau

“I know why it's raining. I coulda predicted it. It's raining because my fucking wipers are all fucked up. If my wipers were okay, the fucking sun would be shining. At night.”
Dustin Hoffman - Bernie LaPlante

“The misfortunes of war!”
Chuck Norris - Col. James Braddock

“Oh, you were going to show me a good time. A good time! Well, I might as well had stayed home and played solitaire!”
Thelma Todd - Lucille

“I had enough bad luck to keep me laughin' the rest of my life. Sat in that jail. I sat in that jail ’til I nearby done rot to death. I know what it’s like, Ms. Celie, to wanna go somewhere and can’t.”
Oprah Winfrey - Sofia

“- Reggie Hammond: They blew up my car! They blew up my car!
- Jack Cates: It's a damn shame.
- Reggie Hammond: They blew up my car and all you have to say is it's a damn shame?
- Jack Cates: No car, no money, you're having a bad day!”
Eddie Murphy - Reggie Hammond
Nick Nolte - Jack Cates