Performance quotes

“We will now present for your entertainment the most stupendous, magnificent, super-colossal spectacle! On this tiny, little, insignificant ball, we will construct for you a pyramid! Not of wood, not of stone... pyramid, of ponderous, pulsating, pulchritudinous pachyderms!”
Herman Bing - The Ringmaster

“- Joseph Tura: Her husband is that great, great Polish actor, Joseph Tura. You've probably heard of him.
- Colonel Ehrhardt: Oh, yes. As a matter of fact I saw him on the stage when I was in Warsaw once before the war. What he did to Shakespeare we are now doing to Poland.”

Jack Benny - Joseph Tura
Sig Ruman - Colonel Ehrhardt

“I'm stage manager here and this opera's going on tonight even if Frankenstein walks in.”
Maurice Cass - Mr. Arnold

“- David Suarez: I don't have to tell you that you performed magnificently.
- Judith Singer: Oh yes you do.
- David Suarez: You performed magnificently.
- Judith Singer: Thank you very much. Now if you'll excuse me - I have to go throw up.”
Raul Julia - David Suarez
Susan Sarandon - Judith Singer

“I'm grateful to you for your applause. But I must tell you that I don't deserve it. I'm not responsible for what happened on this stage tonight. The person you should be applauding died a few hours ago.”

Katharine Hepburn - Terry Randall

I've got to get that part in "Enchanted April". It's been my whole life! It's me. No one else can play that part! It belongs to me!
Andrea Leeds - Kay Hamilton

“Ladies and Gentlemen. I guess that takes in most of you. This is the opening of a new opera season, a season made possible by the generous checks of Mrs. Claypool.”
Groucho Marx - Otis B. Driftwood

“Before we begin I want you all to remember one thing. No matter what I may say, no matter what I may do on this stage during our work... I love you all.”
John Barrymore - Oscar Jaffe