Alan Arkin movie quotes

“Listen to me, I got no reason to lie to you, don't make the same mistakes I made when I was young. Fuck a lotta women kid, not just one woman, a lotta women.”
Alan Arkin - Grandpa Edwin Hoover

“A real loser is someone who's so afraid of not winning he doesn't even try.”
Alan Arkin - Grandpa Edwin Hoover

“- Sheldon Kornpett: You were involved in the Bay of Pigs?
- Vince Ricardo: Involved? That was my idea.”
Alan Arkin - Sheldon Kornpett
Peter Falk - Vince Ricardo

“- Ernie Lazarro: He insulted me, called me names? Like what?
- Tony Scarboni: Fruity ass.
- Ernie Lazarro: A what?
- Tony Scarboni: A fruity ass.
- Ernie Lazarro: What the hell is a fruity ass?”
Alan Arkin - Ernie Lazarro
Vincent Pastore - Tony Scarboni

“- Bill: Okay, a little ethics. You are walking down the street. You find a suitcase full of money. There's nobody around. No human person is in evidence. What do you do? A You keep the money. B You use it to buy gifts for your friends and your loved ones. C You give it to the poor. D You turn it into the police.
- Kim: That is really stupid.
-...” (continue)(continue reading)
Alan Arkin - Bill
Winona Ryder - Kim
Dianne Wiest - Peg
Robert Oliveri - Kevin

“Sweetheart, you can't buy the necessities of life with cookies.”
Alan Arkin - Bill

“- Bill: OK, everybody. Grab your plates. Soup's on.
- Edward: [with mouth full] I thought this was shish-ka-bob.
- Bill: What?
- Edward: [a little clearer] I thought this was shish-ka-bob.
- Bill: Yeah, it is shish-ka-bob. It's a figure of speech, Ed.”
Alan Arkin - Bill
Johnny Depp - Edward Scissorhands

“- Sherlock Holmes: Your wedding ring tells me of your marriage, your Balkanized accent hints Hungary or Moravia, the toy soldier on the floor here ought, I think, to belong to a... small boy of five? Have I omitted anything of importance?
- Sigmund Freud: My sense of honour.
- Sherlock Holmes: Oh, it is implied by the fact that you have removed...” (continue)(continue reading)
Nicol Williamson - Sherlock Holmes
Alan Arkin - Dr. Sigmund Freud

“- Sigmund Freud: Who am I that your friends should wish us to meet?
- Sherlock Holmes: Beyond the fact that you are a brilliant Jewish physician who was born in Hungary and studied for a while in Paris, and that certain radical theories of yours have alienated the respectable medical community so that you have severed your connections with...” (continue)(continue reading)
Alan Arkin - Dr. Sigmund Freud
Nicol Williamson - Sherlock Holmes

“- Sherlock Holmes: When a man collects books on a subject, they're usually grouped together, but notice, your King James Bible, your Book of Mormon, and Koran are separate, across the room in fact, from your Hebrew Bible and Talmud, which sit on your desk. Now these books have a special importance for you not connected with a general study of...” (continue)(continue reading)
Nicol Williamson - Sherlock Holmes
Alan Arkin - Dr. Sigmund Freud

“- Willie Davis: What's the matter?
- Albert Garner: My face is killing me. I never had to smile so much in my life.”
Morgan Freeman - Willie Davis
Alan Arkin - Albert Garner

“It's a very rare person who is taken for what he truly is.”
Alan Arkin - Schmendrick

Why don't you have a TV? I watch "Dancing with the Stars"! I'm an old man, I need to watch "Dancing with the Stars"!
Alan Arkin - Louis 'Lightning' Conlon

“- Cliff: I don't want to keep it, I just want to borrow it for a while.
- Peevy: Clifford, when you borrow something and you don't tell nobody, they call that stealing, you know.”

Billy Campbell - Cliff
Alan Arkin - Peevy

“- Louis 'Lightning' Conlon: Hey Webster, show a little respect!
- Dante Slate, Jr.: I choose to believe that you just called me Webster because of my dictionary-sized vocabulary, not because of my height and race!
- Louis 'Lightning' Conlon: Nope, it's because you're short and black!
- Dante Slate, Jr.: What was Jesus like? I'm curious. Was he...” (continue)(continue reading)
Alan Arkin - Louis 'Lightning' Conlon
Kevin Hart - Dante Slate, Jr.

- Lester Siegel: We made history today. "History starts out as farce and ends up as tragedy".
- John Chambers: Quote's the other way around.
- Lester Siegel: Yeah? Who said it?
- John Chambers: Marx.
- Lester Siegel: Groucho said that?
Alan Arkin - Lester Siegel
John Goodman - John Chambers

“- Schmendrick: Shut up, you pretentious kneecap! How'd you like a punch in the eye?
- Molly Grue: You made it laugh, anyway. Maybe that's all it needs to make it speak.”

Alan Arkin - Schmendrick
Tammy Grimes - Molly Grue

There's gonna come a time very soon, when her ankles are gonna swell up, she's gonna have blotches all over her face, she'll be forty pounds overweight, she'll be throwing up all the time, she's gonna look at you and she'll say "you bastard! You did this to me!".
Alan Arkin - Arnie Klein

“- Max Klein: You want me to be honest with you, Les?
- Lester Siegel: No, I would like you to bullshit me, Max.”
Richard Kind - Max Klein
Alan Arkin - Lester Siegel

“There are no happy endings because nothing ends.”
Alan Arkin - Schmendrick

“- Wellness Guide: This letter, Edward, is a very important part of the healing process. By writing to your mother, you afford yourself the opportunity to thank her, or forgive her, or to ask her why she did the things she did. Now we don't mail the letter, but the simple act of putting it on paper frees you, allows you to let go. Now... what did...” (continue)(continue reading)
Alan Arkin - Wellness Guide
John Cusack - Eddie Thomas

“- Mr. Midnight: Same old dreary demands. Self righteous, messianic, moralistic and increasingly tedious.
- Captain Invincible: Fine talk from a sociopathparanoid schizophrenic with delusions of grandeur.
- Mr. Midnight: Thank you.”
Sir Christopher Lee - Mr. Midnight
Alan Arkin - Captain Invincible

“- Agent 23: If you don't follow the rules here then what are we?
- The Chief: I'm telling you what we're not, we're not people who jam staples into other people's heads, that's CIA crap.”
The Rock - Agent 23
Alan Arkin - The Chief

“Don't cry. If you have become human enough to cry, then all the magic in the world cannot change you back.”

Alan Arkin - Schmendrick

“Forgive me, but you keep talking about how much she meant to you. All I remember is you would show up at the gym first thing in the morning, you would be the last person to leave at night. You didn't have time for anybody or anything. You blamed her for ruining the relationship. Well, maybe the real problem was you.”

Alan Arkin - Louis 'Lightning' Conlon