Charles Grodin movie quotes

- Martin Daniels: He says he doesn't wear a wig, and a person doesn't take it as a compliment if you say, "nice wig".
- Clifford: But I didn't say "nice wig", Uncle Martin, I said "bestest-looking wig". I believe there is a difference.
Charles Grodin - Martin Daniels
Martin Hayter Short - Clifford Daniels

“- Buddy: Is it from Theresa?
- Joey: Found a picture of me with another woman.
- Teddy Pierce: Naked?”
Charles Grodin - Buddy
Joseph Bologna - Joey
Gene Wilder - Teddy Pierce

“- Clifford Daniels: I love you, Uncle Martin.
- Martin Daniels: And I love you too, Clinton.
- Clifford Daniels: Clifford.”
Martin Hayter Short - Clifford Daniels
Charles Grodin - Martin Daniels

“- Cashier: Everybody want chocolate. I'm out of chocolate.
- Martin Daniels: I need chocolate!
- Cashier: Alright, alright, I might have an Easter Bunny left over in the frige.
- Martin Daniels: [grabs him by the lapels] Get me the bunny!”
Charles Grodin - Martin Daniels

“Oh, come on, Joey needs a good laugh. We'll take him to that ritzy titsy place where they threw him out!”
Charles Grodin - Buddy

“I've worked hard to work this hard!”
Charles Grodin - Spencer

“- Warren: First time lonely guy?
- Larry: What's a lonely guy?”
Charles Grodin - Warren
Steve Martin - Larry

“Iris has run out of single women to fix me up with as a dinner date, so she wracks her brain and comes up with this widow who's fifteen years older than me, overweight with rotten teeth... You know, it doesn't sound all that bad. I mean, I like a full-figured woman. Teeth you can always fix. And what does age matter if you've got a good...” (continue)(continue reading)
Charles Grodin - Warren

“- Jonathan Mardukas: You lied to me first!
- Jack Walsh: What the... you lied to me first!
- Jonathan Mardukas: Yes! Yes. But you didn't know I was lying to you when you lied to me down by the river. So as far as you knew, you lied to me first!
- Jack Walsh: How can I argue with this guy. I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.”
Charles Grodin - Jonathan Mardukas
Robert De Niro - Jack Walsh

“- Warren: My girl Melanie just left me.
- Larry: What'd she leave you for?
- Warren: She came home last night, found some guy robbing her apartment. They just hit it off.
- Larry: Gee, that sounds tough.”
Charles Grodin - Warren
Steve Martin - Larry

“- Clifford Daniels: I'd say I'm the happiest boy in the whole wide world, Uncle Mental Case.
- Martin Daniels: I'm the mental case? You're the one in the strait jacket.”
Martin Hayter Short - Clifford Daniels
Charles Grodin - Martin Daniels

“- Glenda Gardenia Parks: That's barbecue sauce.
- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: Black barbecue sauce?
- Glenda Gardenia Parks: Yes. It's mexican. Very hot. Don't eat it.
- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: I wasn't going to.”

Goldie Hawn - Glenda Parks
Charles Grodin - Ira Parks

“- Jonathan Mardukas: I just wanna tell you that I have fear of flying.
- Marvin Dorfler: Well, why don't you just relax and sleep through it? [punches Jonathan Mardukas, knocking him out]”
Charles Grodin - Jonathan Mardukas
John Ashton - Marvin Dorfler

“- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: Your Honor, this is the kind of testimony that looks silly on the surface.
- Judge John Channing: On the surface, in the middle, and on the bottom.”
Charles Grodin - Ira Parks
Harold Gould - Judge John Channing

“- Jonathan Mardukas: Jahé, everybody, jahé
- Jack Walsh: What's that?
- Jonathan Mardukas: It means 'hello'. I can say 'hello' in a lot of different languages. Not yours, but a lot of them.”
Charles Grodin - Jonathan Mardukas
Robert De Niro - Jack Walsh

“- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: Is this a gag?
- Fred: This is a government agency... you know we don't have a sense of humor.”
Charles Grodin - Ira Parks
Robert Guillaume - Fred

“- Warren: I don't like to take naps. I don't like to wake up more than once a day. Because when I first wake up I get that shock of who I am and everything. I really don't like to do that more than once a day.
- Larry: Ya.”
Charles Grodin - Warren
Steve Martin - Larry

“- Larry:I don't have anything in my place, I just left with a suitcase. I lost my comb. This morning, I had to brush my hair with my toothbrush. I mean, I cleaned it out really good so I feel more comfortable, but it takes about twenty minutes. Does it look okay?
- Warren: No, it looks good, I was just thinking about how good it looks.
- Larry:...” (continue)(continue reading)
Steve Martin - Larry
Charles Grodin - Warren

“- Glenda Gardenia Parks: Don't make me crazy, I can't cook when I'm crazy.
- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: I'm not making you crazy...
- Glenda Gardenia Parks: Yes, you are! Anyone who forces me to make Chicken Pepperoni is making me crazy, and you are making me crazy!”
Goldie Hawn - Glenda Parks
Charles Grodin - Ira Parks

“It's a dog, he doesn't have preferences! You could call him Ding-Dong Head and he wouldn't know the difference!”

Charles Grodin - George Newton

“- George: Come to our house, we'll barbecue.
- Brie: Barbecue? Okay, let's live dangerously.
- George: Our food may not be great but it's not dangerous.”
Charles Grodin - George Newton
Patricia Heaton - Brie

“- Jonathan Mardukas: I got money, y'know.
- Jack Walsh: I'm sure you do.
- Jonathan Mardukas: I'll give you whatever you want.
- Jack Walsh: Start by shutting up. I know you all of two minutes and already I don't like ya.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Gee, that's too bad. I really like you.”
Charles Grodin - Jonathan Mardukas
Robert De Niro - Jack Walsh

“- Warren: Ever think of getting a dog?
- Larry: A dog!
- Warren: Dogs are great. They leap all over you. They lick your face. They don't even have to like you. It's their instinct. Hitler had a dog. That dog went crazy over him.”
Charles Grodin - Warren
Steve Martin - Larry

“- Jack Walsh: How much is here?
- Jonathan Mardukas: Neighborhood of three hundred thousand.
- Jack Walsh: That's a, that's a... very respectable neighborhood.”
Robert De Niro - Jack Walsh
Charles Grodin - Jonathan Mardukas

“You want to know the place I'll have in your life? You'll have a beautiful wife, great kids, lovely home, and I'll be your bachelor friend who you feel you have to invite to your dinner party because you haven't seen me in ages.”

Charles Grodin - Warren