Charles Grodin movie quotes

“- George: My dream's going down the drain, and you're worried about a dog.
- Alice: Your family's going down the drain, and you're worried about a dream.”

Charles Grodin - George Newton
Bonnie Hunt - Alice Newton

“- Joey: Hey, Teddy! Teddy! Wait a minute. Come here a sec. Look, really, in all seriousness: don't get your dick caught in your zipper.
- Buddy: You got no taste!
- Joey: Taste! Who wants taste? What the hell am I, Charlie the Tuna? Get outta here! Let's go get some action.”
Joseph Bologna - Joey
Charles Grodin - Buddy

“I remember after I saw Rocky, I ran out in the park jogging, shadow boxing. Some guy came up to me and punched me right in the face.”
Charles Grodin - Warren

“- George: Suddenly, I'm a lousy husband and father. Everything was just fine until Beethoven came into our lives. I've tried to be patient, but I've had it. The dog has to go.
- Alice: I'm proud of Beethoven. Those two idiots insulted your kids, they treated me like dirt, and he was the only one of us who had the nerve to give them the ride they...” (continue)(continue reading)
Charles Grodin - George Newton
Bonnie Hunt - Alice Newton

“- Martin Daniels: I have a criminal record. But you know what you're gonna have? You're gonna have a one-way ticket back to your parents!
- Clifford Daniels: Don't send me back to my parents, they hate me!
- Martin Daniels: Not as much as I do!”
Charles Grodin - Martin Daniels
Martin Hayter Short - Clifford Daniels

“- Dist. Atty. Ira J. Parks: We're going to have a serious conversation tonight.
- Glenda Gardenia Parks: I'm looking forward to it.
- Nick Gardenia: Anything special you'd like for dinner?”
Charles Grodin - Ira Parks
Goldie Hawn - Glenda Parks
Chevy Chase - Nicholas Gardenia

- George Newton: Honey, I've been thinking. You been thinking?
- Alice Newton: Uh-huh.
- George Newton: What have you been thinking?
- Alice Newton: I've been thinking, "what do you think?".
Charles Grodin - George Newton
Bonnie Hunt - Alice Newton

“- Jonathan Mardukas: You ever had sex with an animal, Jack? Remember those chickens on the Indian reservation? There were some good looking chickens there Jack. You know, between us...
- Jack Walsh: Yeah, there were a couple there I might've taken a shot at.”
Charles Grodin - Jonathan Mardukas
Robert De Niro - Jack Walsh

“Why am I always the last one in the neighborhood to get in bed with you?”
Charles Grodin - Ira Parks

- Jonathan Mardukas: I can't fly: I suffer from aviaphobia.
- Jack Walsh: What does that mean?
- Jonathan Mardukas: It means I can't fly. I also suffer from acrophobia and claustrophobia.
- Jack Walsh: I'll tell you what: if you don't cooperate, you're gonna suffer from "fistophobia".
Charles Grodin - Jonathan Mardukas
Robert De Niro - Jack Walsh

- Newspaperman: Isn't it true that an accident in your west coast nuclear plant could stimulate seismic activity in the San Andreas fault, which could destroy most of southern California?
- Tony Abbott: I think you'd have to define "destroy".
Roger Bowen - Newspaperman
Charles Grodin - Tony Abbott

- Jonathan Mardukas: I asked you if you were hurt and you said "yeah, I'm hurt".
- Jack Walsh: That's because you made me say it. Startin' to put words in my mouth.
- Jonathan Mardukas: Jack, you're a grown man. You're in control of your own words.
- Jack Walsh: You're goddamn right I am. Now here come two words for you: shut the fuck up.
Charles Grodin - Jonathan Mardukas
Robert De Niro - Jack Walsh

“- Alice: Just change your pants, George.
- George: I'm gonna change my pants, Alice. But if I change my pants, I gotta change my jacket! If I change my jacket, I gotta change my shirt! If I change my shirt, I gotta change my tie! I gotta change my belt! I gotta change my shoes! I gotta change my socks!
- Alice: Just change your pants, George.”
Bonnie Hunt - Alice Newton
Charles Grodin - George Newton