Chris Farley movie quotes

“That's one small step for man! One giant... I have a dream!”

Chris Farley - Mike Donnelly

“I hate my father. I hate my life. But I feel great! You guys are great. I'm gonna go pick a fight.”
Chris Farley - Milton

“They say in the land of the blind, the man with one eye is king, well in the land of the skunk the man with half a nose is king!”

Chris Farley - Jimmy

“- Steve Dodds: What the heck is that?
- Mike Donnelly: Ah! It's Ozzy Osborne!”

David Spade - Steve Dodds
Chris Farley - Mike Donnelly

“Please don't leave me. Please don't leave me.”

Chris Farley

“- Richard: Housekeeping, you want towel?
- Tommy: No towels. Need sleepy.
- Richard: Housekeeping, you want mint for pillow?
- Tommy: Please go away let me sleep for the love of God!
- Richard: Housekeeping, you want me jerk you off?
- Tommy: [gets out of bed] What kinda hotel is this?... [opens the door] Oh, it's you.”

David Spade - Richard
Chris Farley - Tommy

Hey, you hear the one about the lady who backed into a fan? It was a disaster. "Dis-assed" her.
Chris Farley - Haru

“We've all been screwed by Governor Tracy, and now, I'm going to screw her!”
Chris Farley - Mike Donnelly

“- Bus Driver: That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ace, I know from experience dude. If you know what I mean.
- Billy Madison: No, you don't.
- Bus Driver: Well, not me personally but a guy I know. Him and her got it on. Wooo-eee!
- Billy Madison: No, they didn't.”
Chris Farley - Bus Driver
Adam Sandler - Billy Madison

“- Tommy: Oh yeah... We don't take no for an answer! We don't take no for an answer...
[Tommy and Richard have just finished a presentation]
- 'No' Manager: No.
- Tommy: Okey-dokey.
- 'No' Manager: No.
- Tommy: Gotcha. Thanks.
- 'No' Manager: [shaking his head 'no'] Mmmm-mmmm.
- Tommy: Terrific! Thanks for your time.”

Chris Farley - Tommy
Robert K. Weiss - No' Manager
Reg Dreger - No' Manager
Lloyd White - No' Manager

“- Tommy: Let's think about this for a sec, Ted. Why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting.
- Nelson: Go on, I'm listening.
- Tommy: Here's the way I see it, Ted. Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.
- Nelson: Yeah, makes a man feel good.
- Tommy: 'Course it does....” (continue)(continue reading)
Chris Farley - Tommy
Colin Fox - Nelson

“Boy this is the worst. My so called family deserts me. Michelle's mad at me. I've lost the factory, the town's going under and I'm out of a job.
[the park bench collapses]
Could've done without that.”

Chris Farley - Tommy

“- Lady: I hope Satan himself burns the flesh from your miserable bones.
- Hunt: Good God, Lady.”
Chris Farley - Bartholomew Hunt

“- Richard: Hey... I was just thinking... when we stopped for gas this morning I think it was you who put the oil in.
- Tommy: Hey if you're going to say I didn't put the right kind in, you're wrong. I used 10-W-30. And besides, motor oil would have nothing to do with this accident.
- Richard: True. But you can't latch the hood too well, if you...” (continue)(continue reading)

David Spade - Richard
Chris Farley - Tommy

“The blackness of my belt is like the inside of a coffin on a moonless night.”
Chris Farley - Haru

“- News Reporter: Is that why you've strapped a bomb to your chest?
- Tommy: Oh, this isn't a bomb. These are road flares.
- Zalinsky: Road flares? Did you live under power lines as a kid, or something?
- Tommy: Ha ha ha, why?”

Sandi Stahlbrand - News Reporter
Chris Farley - Tommy
Dan Aykroyd - Zalinsky

“- Richard: No way that just happened. My car is completely destroyed.
- Tommy: I swear I've seen a lot of stuff in my life, but that... was... awesome.
[bursts out laughing]
- Tommy: ... But, sorry about your car, man. That... that sucks.”
David Spade - Richard
Chris Farley - Tommy

“- Higgins: This particular event happened last summer on my uncle's farm in Virginia. My brother and I had just finished cutting a field of hay and were enjoying the evening meal under the shade of an elm tree. He went down for water by the creek and when he was gone, I took a bowl that was filled with delicious plum pudding and placed into it,...” (continue)(continue reading)
Steven M. Porter - Higgins
Matthew Perry - Leslie Edwards
Chris Farley - Bartholomew Hunt

“Brothers don't shake hands. Brothers gotta hug.”
Chris Farley - Tommy

“- Wayne Campbell: You're worthless! You're less than nothing! What's keeping you here? You don't belong here! Why don't you just quit?
- Milton: Cause I've got no place else to go!”

Mike Myers - Wayne Campbell
Chris Farley - Milton

“- Haru: Sensei, believe me, this woman's telling the truth.
- Sensei: Haru, you're unable to tell truth from untruth.
- Haru: That is impossible. My ninja intuition tells me this!
- Sensei: Haru, you do not have ninja intuition! You do not even have normal intuition!”
Chris Farley - Haru
Soon-Tek Oh - Sensei

“Hey, there's even a fridge! You could put six packs of be...
[glances at his dad]
... Soda in here...”

Chris Farley - Tommy

“- Mike Donnelly: I got a bowl of chocolate pudding in my underpants!
- Steve Dodds: We didn't have any pudding in there, buddy.”

Chris Farley - Mike Donnelly
David Spade - Steve Dodds

“- Tommy: La-la-la-loo-loo... Luuuke... Luuuke! I am your fah-ther! La-la-lay-lu...
- Richard: [walks in] Oh, I've interrupted happy time! Now I know you want to sit there and keep being not slim, but we gotta work a little today.
- Tommy: That was from 'Star Wars'.
- Richard: I know.”

Chris Farley - Tommy
David Spade - Richard

“- Steve Dodds: This is great I never win at checkers.
- Mike Donnelly: Well, it's kinda easy to win when you never move your back row!”
David Spade - Steve Dodds
Chris Farley - Mike Donnelly