David Spade movie quotes

“- Steve Dodds: This is great I never win at checkers.
- Mike Donnelly: Well, it's kinda easy to win when you never move your back row!”
David Spade - Steve Dodds
Chris Farley - Mike Donnelly

“- Mike Donnelly: Whoa, what happened to you? Did you fall into some mud or something?
- Steve Dodds: Yeah, I did. And now I'm gonna be famous because I'm the only one in the world who knows where you can find white mud.”
Chris Farley - Mike Donnelly
David Spade - Steve Dodds

“- Patcha: There's two people in there looking for you.
- Kuzco: Who?
- Pacha: A big guy and a skinny old woman.
- Kuzco: Wait, was this woman scary beyond all reason?”
John Goodman - Patcha
David Spade - Kuzco

“- Ernie: I think we better pull over, 'cause we need some gas soon.
- Tommy Spinelli: Keep fucking driving.
- Fern: Didn't I tell you to watch your fucking language?”
David Spade - Ernie
Joe Pesci - Tommy

“- Steve: This is like grave robbing - grave robbing. Or worse.
- Ernie: I don't see any graves. Do you see any graves?
- Tommy Spinelli: There's going to be two fresh ones right now if you don't start looking for heads.”
Todd Louiso - Steve
David Spade - Ernie
Joe Pesci - Tommy

“- Pacha: That's for going back on your promise!
- Kuzco: Yeah! And that's for kidnapping me and taking me back to your village! Which I'm still gonna destroy, by the way. Hehehe. No touchy!”

John Goodman - Kuzco
David Spade - Patcha

“Now, this ain't no flapjack. I'll go real easy. I won't look.”

David Spade - Joe Dirt

“- Tommy: Where are we gonna take the deer?
- Richard: I dunno, the vet?
- Tommy: You take dead animals to the vet?
- Richard: Why not? I'd take you to the vet.
- Tommy: Yeah I'll take you to the... Um...
- Richard: Got that?
- Tommy: Shut up.”

Chris Farley - Tommy
David Spade - Richard

“- Pacha: Why did I risk my life for a selfish brat like you? I was always taught that there was some good in everyone, but, oh, you proved me wrong.
- Kuzco: Oh, boo-hoo. Now I feel really bad. Bad llama.
- Pacha: I could've let you die out there in that jungle, and then all my problems would be over.
- Kuzco: Well, that makes you ugly and...” (continue)(continue reading)
David Spade - Kuzco
John Goodman - Patcha

“Could you maintain a rod and watch Billy Crystal at the same time? Nah, don't feel bad. No one can.”
David Spade - Video Store Clerk

“Life's a garden, dig it.”
David Spade - Joe Dirt

“When I give the word, your little town thingy will be bye-bye. Bye-bye!”
David Spade - Kuzco

“- Kuzco: Oh, and by the way, you're fired.
- Yzma: Fired? W-W-What do you mean, fired?
- Kuzco: Um, how else can I say it? You're being let go. Your department's being downsized. You're part of an outplacement. We're going in a different direction. We're not picking up your option. Take your pick. I got more.”
David Spade - Kuzco
Eartha Kitt - Yzma

“- Tommy: Richard, do I have a mark on my face? It really hurts.
- Richard: Nope, nothing. I thought I hit you on the shoulder.
- Tommy: My shoulder doesn't hurt very much, but my face does.
[points to huge bruised area on his face]
- Tommy: Right here. Not here or here so much. Right here.
- Richard: Nope. Ship shape! Waitress, can I get that...” (continue)(continue reading)
Chris Farley - Tommy
David Spade - Richard
Maria Vacratsis - Helen

“- Kuzco: When will you learn that all my ideas are good ones?
- Pacha: Well, that's funny. Because I thought that you going into the jungle by yourself, being chased by jaguars, lying to me to take you back to the palace were all really bad ideas.
- Kuzco: Oh, yeah. Anything sounds bad when you say it with that attitude.”
David Spade - Kuzco
John Goodman - Patcha

“- Kuzco: Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall.
- Pacha: Yep.
- Kuzco: Sharp rocks at the bottom?
- Pacha: Most likely.
- Kuzco: Bring it on.”
John Goodman - Patcha
David Spade - Kuzco

“- Tommy: Does this suit make me look fat?
- Richard: No, your face does.”
Chris Farley - Tommy
David Spade - Richard

“- Tommy: Did you hear I finally graduated?
- Richard: Yeah, and just a shade under a decade too. All right.
- Tommy: You know a lot of people go to college for seven years.
- Richard: I know, they're called doctors.”
Chris Farley - Tommy
David Spade - Richard

“- Steve Dodds: Ro-ads. Ro-ods.
- Mike Donnelly: Quiet back there! I've taken enough guff from you for one day!
[turns to state trooper]
- Mike Donnelly: Raving psycho! Butchered 400 chickens and screwed a beagle. I'm taking him back to Nevada where he's wanted for banging horses!”

David Spade - Steve Dodds
Chris Farley - Mike Donnelly

“- Frank Rittenhauer: I just wanna tell you, you really look dynamite today, Beverly.
[toasts the camera]
- Ted Reilly: Yeah, Tom, you are a lucky man. Boy, would I like to get some of that.
- Richard: Good lord.
- Ted Reilly: Oh, God. No. Richard, you got an edit button on that thing?
- Richard: [backing away] It'll cost you!”

Sean McCann - Frank Rittenhauer
Zach Grenier - Ted Reilly
David Spade - Richard