Janeane Garofalo movie quotes

“- Vann: You know why in the old days sailors and fisherman never learned how to swim?
- Ferrin: No, why?
- Vann: Because if you knew how to swim it'd take so much longer to drown.
- Ferrin: Oh. I never heard that.
- Vann: You wanna go in?”
Owen Wilson - Vann
Janeane Garofalo - Ferrin

“- Becky Beaner: What's the name of this group?
- Invisible Boy: The Super Dudes!
- The Bowler: No, no, no, not the Super Dudes.
- Mr. Furious: We're not the Super Dudes. We don't have a name yet, but we're definitely not the Super Dudes.”
Monet Mazur - Becky Beaner
Kel Mitchell - Invisible Boy
Janeane Garofalo - Bowler
Ben Stiller - Furious

- Abby: I heard "dumb bitch". I assumed you were talking to me.
- Roy: I was talking to her.
- Abby: Your name is dumb bitch too? No wonder I keep getting all of your mail! You know, we could be related. There are a lot of us dumb bitches here in LA.

Janeane Garofalo - Abby
James McCaffrey - Roy

“- Police Officer Monica Romero: You're making a big mistake.
- Snake Dupree: Story of my life.”
Janeane Garofalo - Police Officer Monica Romero
Tom Sizemore - Snake Dupree

“- Minnie Mogul: I can't sign a contract that will help three ruthless villains take over the world. I just can't.
- Fearless Leader: Why not?
- Minnie Mogul: My pen's out of ink.”
Janeane Garofalo - Minnie Mogul
Robert De Niro - Fearless Leader

- Abby: You forgot to say "I love you because you're beautiful".
- Brian: No, I didn't. I mean, she is. But that's not why I love her.
Janeane Garofalo - Abby
Ben Chaplin - Brian

“The phone! The phone! Where's the fucking phone?”
Janeane Garofalo - Beth

“You burp and guys think its adorable. You puke and they line up to hold your hair back.”
Janeane Garofalo - Abby

“He's weird, he's strange, he's sloppy, he's a total nightmare for women... I can't believe I haven't slept with him yet.”
Janeane Garofalo - Vickie Miner

“Sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship.”
Janeane Garofalo - Vickie Miner

“- Bethany: It's been my experience that the average male is never a man. Not even for ten minutes in his entire lifespan.
- Liz: That'a a bit militant. You thinking of joining the other side?
- Bethany: Couldn't do it. Women are insane.
- Liz: Then you need to go back to church and ask God for a third option.
- Bethany: I think that God is...” (continue)(continue reading)
Linda Fiorentino - Bethany
Janeane Garofalo - Liz

“- Brian: He snores, which was a problem, um... but we solved it.
- Abby: How'd you do that?
- Brian: Well, he slept on my face and I couldn't hear him anymore.”
Ben Chaplin - Brian
Janeane Garofalo - Abby

“Dad, this is the way it has to be. The upshot is you won't be killed because you're already dead.”

Janeane Garofalo - Bowler

“- Heather Mooney: I just figured she'd be married to Sandy by now.
- Romy White: Sandy Frink?
- Heather Mooney: Yes, Sandy Frink! He could barely contain his erection every time she walked by! Why do you think he always carried around that huge notebook?”
Janeane Garofalo - Heather Mooney
Mira Sorvino - Romy White

“- Noelle: What's wrong, Abby?
- Abby: Nothing that a rooftop and an AK-47 won't take care of.”
Uma Thurman - Noelle
Janeane Garofalo - Abby

“- Noelle: You and I combined make the perfect woman.
- Abby: No. You and I combined make the perfect political prisoner. What we really do well is act self-righteous and starve.”
Uma Thurman - Noelle
Janeane Garofalo - Abby