Martin Lawrence movie quotes

“- Marcus Burnett: What am I smellin'?
- Julie Mott: [sees barrels of ether hanging in the back of the van. Reads the label] Ether. Extremely... flammable... ether. Oh shit!
- Mike Lowrey: God-damn...
- Marcus Burnett: Oh, you da man. Oh you're the fuckin' man tonight! You go and pick an ice-cream truck that's a damn bomb!”

Martin Lawrence - Marcus Burnett
Téa Leoni - Julie Mott
Will Smith - Mike Lowrey

“- Detective Marcus Burnett: You a virgin?
- Reggie: Yes, sir.
- Detective Marcus Burnett: Good. Keep it that way. Ain't gonna be no fucking tonight.
- Detective Mike Lowrey: You ever made love to a man?
- Reggie: No.
- Detective Mike Lowrey: You want to?”

Martin Lawrence - Detective Marcus Burnett
Dennis Greene - Reggie
Will Smith - Detective Mike Lowrey

“He steals our shit, kidnaps Julie, shoots at my wife. Oh, we beatin' him down. We beatin' him down!”
Martin Lawrence - Marcus Burnett

“- Theresa Burnett: Hey hey. Don't you go telling my boys none of your sleazy sex stories.
- Mike Lowrey: Aw, no. I only tell your husband my sleazy sex stories.
- Marcus Burnett: Hey.
- Theresa Burnett: Well, I don't want him hearing either. Gives him ideas.”
Theresa Randle - Theresa Burnett
Will Smith - Mike Lowrey
Martin Lawrence - Marcus Burnett

- Nick Beam: "Diversify! You can't trust banks, Nick. The whole economy could crumble at any second". That bastard's so heavily leveraged it would wipe him out.
- Terrance Paul Davidson: What, am I hearing you right? Mr. High-and-Mighty's gonna rob his boss? You hear that, gila monsters? Old Nick Beam here's gonna rob his boss! I say, do you... (continue)(continue reading)
Tim Robbins - Nick Beam
Martin Lawrence - Terrance Paul Davidson

“- Terrance Paul Davidson: What is beetle headed?
- Nick Beam: It's a synonym for stupid!
- Terrance Paul Davidson: Oh. Well, here's a synonym for procreation: fuck you! It's easy for you to point the finger when you're sitting on your rich ass in a big fucking house!”
Martin Lawrence - Terrance Paul Davidson
Tim Robbins - Nick Beam

“- Miles Logan: Yo tengo el gato los pantalones.
- Carlson: You just said you have a cat in your pants.”
Martin Lawrence - Miles Logan

“- Earl Montgomery: This isn't the first time I was arrested for DWB.
- Detective Frank McDuff: DWB?
- Earl Montgomery: Driving While Black.”
Martin Lawrence - Earl Montgomery
Colm Feore - Detective Frank McDuff

“Got the rock. Time to roll.”

Martin Lawrence - Miles Logan

“- Darnell: What's up, Ma? You been watching the talk shows?
- Ma Wright: I don't watch that junk! I've got enough trouble in my life already!”
Martin Lawrence - Darnell Wright
Della Reese - Ma Wright

“- Miles Logan: Damn. What happened? Did you eat the whole time I was in there? Wait a minute, that's alright. I can adjust, it's the love that counts. I can adjust to a plus size woman, just more cushion for the pushing.
- Shawna: Janiece! Your sad-ass sack of bones is here!
- Miles Logan: I apologize, you're her cousin. Can I buy you some cereal?”

Martin Lawrence - Miles Logan
Octavia Spencer - Shawna

“- Miles Logan: Put your hands on the Oodles of Noodles.
- Tulley: Chicken or beef?
- Miles Logan: Chicken. Cool. Cool is good.
- Tulley: Miles?
- Miles Logan: Tulley? What are you doing?
- Tulley: I'm freaking working over here.”
Martin Lawrence - Miles Logan
Dave Chappelle - Tulley

“Hey look, man, can you tell me who was driving the black Suburban? Huh? Oh he don't know nothin'. His brains is under the end table.”

Martin Lawrence - Detective Marcus Burnett

“- Terrance Paul Davidson: When you meet my wife, she don't know nothin' about my sideline gig.
- Nick Beam: You mean she doesn't know you're a thief?
- Terrance Paul Davidson: Hey, I'm not a thief. Okay? I just dabble in future used goods.”
Martin Lawrence - Terrance Paul Davidson
Tim Robbins - Nick Beam

“- Detective Marcus Burnett: [over the radio] Mike! There's a papa rat humping the shit out of this mama rat. No, he's straight pile-driving her!
- Detective Mike Lowrey: Now, how is that information gonna help me do my job?
- Detective Marcus Burnett: They fuck just like us!”
Martin Lawrence - Detective Marcus Burnett
Will Smith - Detective Mike Lowrey

“- Claude Banks: Why you got to say nasty shit, Ray?
- Rayford Gibson: 'Cause I'm a nasty motherfucker.”
Martin Lawrence - Claude Banks
Eddie Murphy - Rayford Gibson

“- Brandi Web: Tell me something, Darnell. You still the man? The main man? You know what you are? And I didn't think so. You're a dog. A mad dog, to be exact. And do you know what they do with mad dogs? I can't hear you.
- Darnell: No, what they do with mad dogs?
- Brandi Web: They shoot mad dogs!”

Lynn Whitfield - Brandi Web
Martin Lawrence - Darnell Wright

“- Julie Mott: I don't eat flesh.
- Marcus Burnett: Say what?
- Julie Mott: That's flesh that you're shoveling into your mouth. You know, that was, like, a living, breathing creature. You know, it probably had a name.”
Téa Leoni - Julie Mott
Martin Lawrence - Marcus Burnett

I'm Nick Beam. And Nick Beam ain't puttin' up with that bullshit. She'd have been crying, you know? "Oh, Nick, please take me back. Please, please, Nick. It was only one time". I'm gonna "one time" your ass. Nick Beam is the master of his fate, the ruler of his destiny. So if you wanna cry on somebody's shoulder, why don't you cry on Superdick?... (continue)(continue reading)

Martin Lawrence - Terrance Paul Davidson

“Yo, yo man, what up! Yeah, just got into this little thing with her, right? Yeah, we broke up... come get a nigga! Get me up out! Yeah, bitch went crazy, I'm sayin' trippin' like a muthafucka but I'm cool... you know. So, yeah, cool... Okay, bring the truck cuz I got a lotta shit... cool!”

Martin Lawrence - Martin Lawrence

“- Percival: How dare you deflower the king's daughter.
- Jamal Walker: Believe me, someone got to that flower long before I did.”
Vincent Regan - Percival
Martin Lawrence - Jamal Walker

“I know you don't want to go to jail in Mexico because nobody wants to go to jail in Mexico. They put all kinds of burritos in your ass.”

Martin Lawrence - Miles Logan

“- Terrance Paul Davidson: I never noticed before, but you really got nice eyes.
- Nick Beam: Shut up!
- Terrance Paul Davidson: But you do.
- Nick Beam: Let's get this over with, I can't believe I'm committing an armed robbery for two flashlights.”
Martin Lawrence - Terrance Paul Davidson
Tim Robbins - Nick Beam

“Hey, this is the police. Move your busted-ass vehicle. Move, move, move, move. This is the LAPD. We'll pop one in your ass. We got guns and shit.”
Martin Lawrence - Miles Logan

“Go head on, with yo' fat-apple-pie ass, Aunt Bea!”
Martin Lawrence - Martin Lawrence