Martin Mull movie quotes

- Colonel Mustard: Wadsworth, am I right in thinking there's nobody else in this house?
- Wadsworth: Um... no.
- Colonel Mustard: Then there is someone else in this house?
- Wadsworth: Sorry, I said "no" meaning "yes".
- Colonel Mustard: "No" meaning "yes"? Look, I want a straight answer, is there someone else, or isn't there, yes, or no?
-... (continue)(continue reading)
Martin Mull - Colonel Mustard
Tim Curry - Wadsworth

“The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.”
Martin Mull

“- Bill: Thank you for inviting me to participate in your life, for I am an asshole. And being an asshole is neither good nor bad. It just is.
- Reverend Spike: I think that says it all.
- Harvey Holroyd: These are exciting times, aren't they? Gas is over a dollar a gallon and it's okay to be an asshole.”
Sam Chew Jr. - Bill
Tom Smothers - Spike
Martin Mull - Harvey

“- Harvey Holroyd: Wanna go have a cup of coffee?
- Marlene: Oh, I don't drink coffee. It's an artificial stimulant.
- Harvey Holroyd: Of course. Then you wouldn't want to have a drink, either. So what do I offer you? A bite of my onion?”
Martin Mull - Harvey
Stacey Nelkin - Marlene

“- Colonel Mustard: You lure men to their deaths like a spider with flies.
- Mrs. White: Flies are where men are most vulnerable.”
Martin Mull - Colonel Mustard
Madeline Kahn - Mrs. White

“- Eric Swan: What the hell are you doing in here?
- Regis Lamar: I'm Regis Lamar, from Chicago.
- Eric Swan: Hell! I don't give a shit if you're the Messiah from Jerusalem come here to make my life perfect! Nobody walks in this booth when I am making my art. Nobody!”
Martin Mull - Eric Swan
Tom Tarpey - Regis Lamar

“- Harvey Holroyd: I came as fast as I could, Kate.
- Kate Linville Holroyd: Well, you're a little hard to reach these days. I guess driving your little friend to girl scout meetings takes up a lot of your time.
- Harvey Holroyd: Kate, you still get being liberated mixed up with being a bitch.”
Martin Mull - Harvey
Tuesday Weld - Kate

“- Colonel Mustard: Is this place for you?
- Wadsworth: Indeed no, sir. I'm merely a humble butler.
- Colonel Mustard: What exactly do you do?
- Wadsworth: I buttle, sir.
- Colonel Mustard: Which means what?
- Wadsworth: The butler is head of the kitchen and dining room. I keep everything tidy.”
Martin Mull - Colonel Mustard
Tim Curry - Wadsworth

“Human beings are seventy percent water, and with some the rest is collagen.”
Martin Mull

“- Harvey Holroyd: I just want to find out where she is.
- Dr. Leonard Miller: Hey, Harv, that's her space.
- Harvey Holroyd: Right. And what's the address of her space?”
Martin Mull - Harvey
Peter Bonerz - Leonard

- Colonel Mustard: I prefer Kipling myself. "The female of the species is more deadly than the male". Do you like Kipling, Miss Scarlet?
- Miss Scarlet: Sure, I'll eat anything.
Martin Mull - Colonel Mustard
Lesley Ann Warren - Miss Scarlet

“- Wadsworth: I suggest we take the cook's body into the study.
- Colonel Mustard: Why?
- Wadsworth: I'm the butler, I like to keep the kitchen tidy.”
Tim Curry - Wadsworth
Martin Mull - Colonel Mustard

“- Colonel Mustard: Why are you screaming?
- Mr. Green: Because I'm frightened!
- Colonel Mustard: Of what?
- Mr. Green: Screaming!”
Martin Mull - Colonel Mustard
Michael McKean - Mr. Green

“- William Carson III: Paula what are you doing out here?
- Paula Carson: What do you mean?
- William Carson III: Shouldn't you be in school you're not cutting class I hope!”
Martin Mull - William Carson III
Jill Schoelen - Paula Carson

“- Kate Linville Holroyd: I can't believe I called the high priest a cocksucker.
- Harvey Holroyd: I thought you were terrific.”
Tuesday Weld - Kate
Martin Mull - Harvey

“Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
Martin Mull

“Show business is just like high school, except you get paid.”
Martin Mull

“- Marlene: How about if I just go home with you and we go to bed together?
- Harvey Holroyd: We could do that. Sure.”
Stacey Nelkin - Marlene
Martin Mull - Harvey

- Wadsworth: Well, he's certainly dead now. Why would anyone want to kill him twice?
- Miss Scarlet: It seems so unnecessary.
- Colonel Mustard: Well, it's what we call "overkill".
- Professor Plum: It's what we call "psychotic".

Tim Curry - Wadsworth
Lesley Ann Warren - Miss Scarlet
Martin Mull - Colonel Mustard
Chris Lloyd - Professor Plum

“- Harvey Holroyd: I think we have some important stuff going for us.
- Kate Linville Holroyd: Yeah, anger, mistrust, alienation, lack of communication...
- Harvey Holroyd: Right! And goddamn it, I'm not going to give that stuff up without a fight!”
Martin Mull - Harvey
Tuesday Weld - Kate

“- Harvey Holroyd: You know Kate, and the way she feels about polluting the atmosphere.
- Sam Stone: What has the atmosphere ever done for you?
- Harvey Holroyd: Not much lately.
- Sam Stone: You know, Angela's on that ecology committee, too. Big deal. Last month they saved the condor. You ever see a condor?
- Harvey Holroyd: Not up close.
- Sam...” (continue)(continue reading)
Martin Mull - Harvey
Bill Macy - Sam

“- Joanie Holroyd: I've got to hand it to you guys, you're weird, but you've got balls.
- Harvey Holroyd: Thank you Joanie, but watch your language, okay? They don't talk that way in Denver.
- Kate Linville Holroyd: Denver, that's near Aspen.
- Harvey Holroyd: Yeah.
- Kate Linville Holroyd: Isn't that where they have the Institute for Humanistic...” (continue)(continue reading)

Jennifer McAllister - Joan
Martin Mull - Harvey
Tuesday Weld - Kate

“- Kate Linville Holroyd: Ginger Gallagher has a lot of experience with this. Her cousin lost two kids to the Hare Krishnas, and one was clubbed to death by a baby seal hunter.
- Harvey Holroyd: What ever happened to running away and joining the circus?
- Kate Linville Holroyd: You know, they say this group finds kids who are alienated, and love...” (continue)(continue reading)
Tuesday Weld - Kate
Martin Mull - Harvey

“- Stiggs: What do you, like, do?
- Pat Coletti: Basically, I drink. And I make a lot of money.
- Stiggs: I mean, what kind of work do you do, that you can do, really wasted?
- Pat Coletti: Hog couture, boys.
- Stiggs: Hog couture? How's that?
- Pat Coletti: I manufacture clothes for fat women.”
Neill Barry - Stiggs
Martin Mull - Pat Coletti

“This is war, Peacock. Casualties are inevitable. You can not make an omelet without breaking eggs, every cook will tell you that.”
Martin Mull - Colonel Mustard