Rodney Dangerfield quotes
“A girl phoned me the other day and said Come on over there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.”
“I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.”
- From the movie: Back to School
“We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.”
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
“I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.”
- From the movie: Little Nicky
“- Lucifer: I'm sorry. After careful consideration, I regretfully have to decline.
- Dan Marino: C'mon, man, I'm just asking, let me win one Superbowl.
- Lucifer: In exchange for eternal damnation of your soul? You're too nice of a guy for me to want to do that to you, Mr. Marino.
- Dan Marino: You did it for Namath.
- Lucifer: Yeah, but Joe was...” (continue)(continue reading) - From the movie: Back to School
“Oh, we were doomed from the start. I'm an Earth sign. She's a Water sign. Together, we made mud.”
- From the movie: Meet Wally Sparks
“I am here to spread Joy, tell me when you find her.”
- From the movie: Meet Wally Sparks
“I hear in Canada you only have sex doggy style; that way you can both see the hockey game.”
- From the movie: Back to School
“- Thornton Melon: All right. I'll say it. 'Cause Truman was too much of a pussy wimp to let MacArthur go in there and blow out those Commie bastards!
- Professor Terguson: Good answer. Good answer. I like the way you think. I'm gonna be watching you.
- Thornton Melon: [chuckling to his classmates] Good teacher. He really seems to care. About...” (continue)(continue reading) - From the movie: Back to School
“And we were poor too. Why if I wasn't born a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.”
- From the movie: Meet Wally Sparks
- From the movie: Ladybugs
“- Bartender: You ought to get out there and start dating again.
- Chester Lee: You go out there, what do you meet? You meet girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls.
- Bartender: Well, you know what they say, there's plenty of fish in the sea if you got the right bait.
- Chester Lee: Yeah. The trouble is, my hook ain't what it...” (continue)(continue reading) “I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.”
- From the movie: Back to School
“- Thornton Melon: How 'bout tomorrow night?
- Dr. Diane Turner: I have class then, too.
- Thornton Melon: I'll tell you what, then. Why don't you call me some time when you have no class?
- Dr. Diane Turner: [laughs] Alright. Maybe I will.” - From the movie: Back to School
“So take it from me, Thornton Melon, if you want to look thin, you hang out with fat people.”
- From the movie: Meet Wally Sparks
“It's lonely at the top, when there's no one on the bottom.”
“I'm a bisexual; I get it maybe twice a year.”
“My mother had morning sickness after I was born.”
“When I was born the doctor took one look at my face... turned me over and said. Look... twins!”
Highlights