Trey Parker movie quotes

“Come on, we can just walk around it. It can't be that big.”

Trey Parker - Alferd Packer

“- Gary Johnston: Ok, a limousine that can fly. Now I have seen everything.
- Spottswoode: Really? Have you seen a man eat his own head?
- Gary Johnston: No.
- Spottswoode: So then, you haven't seen everything.”
Trey Parker - Gary Johnston
Daran Norris - Spottswoode

“- Older Porn Actress: They should've done DVDA.
- Joe Young: DVDA?
- Older Porn Actress: Double-vaginal double-anal. It's the only way a woman of my age will get work in this industry. If you don't think that splits me open like a turkey on Thanksgiving...”
Cathy Fitzpatrick - Older Porn Actress
Trey Parker - Joe Young

“- Lisa: Promise me you'll never die.
- Gary Johnston: You know I can't promise that.
- Lisa: If you did that, I would make love to you right now.
- Gary Johnston: I promise I'll never die.”
Kristen Miller - Lisa
Trey Parker - Gary Johnston

“Why is everyone so fucking stupid? Why aren’t more people interrigent? Rike me?”
Trey Parker - Kim Jong Il

- Joe Young: They want me to do a sequel.
- Lisa: A sequel, to "Death of a Salesman"? Doesn't he die at the end of the first?
- Joe Young: Yes, but he has a twin brother, and he wants revenge.
- Lisa: Revenge? But, doesn't he kill himself?
- Joe Young: No, no, that's what you were led to believe. He was killed by the C.I.A for selling smack...... (continue)(continue reading)
Trey Parker - Joe Young
Robyn Lynne Raab - Lisa

“- Stan Marsh: Hey, guys. Do you know where I can find the clitoris?
- Kyle Broflovski: The what?
- Eric Cartman: What, is that like finding Jesus or something?”
Trey Parker - Stan Marsh
Matt Stone - Kyle Broflovski
Trey Parker - Eric Cartman

“- Mr. Herbert Garrison: How would you like to go see the school counselor?
- Eric Cartman: How would you like to suck my balls?
- Mr. Herbert Garrison: What did you say?
- Eric Cartman: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Actually, what I said was... how would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Garrison?”

Trey Parker - Mr. Herbert Garrison
Trey Parker - Eric Cartman

“- Dave the Lighting Guy: Dude, I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think you got a hot ass!
- Joe Young: Thanks.”
Matt Stone - Dave the Lighting Guy
Trey Parker - Joe Young

“- Satan: How come you always want to make love to me from behind? Is it because you want to pretend I'm somebody else?
- Saddam Hussein: Satan, your ass is gigantic and red. Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli?”
Trey Parker - Satan
Matt Stone - Saddam Hussein

“- Doug Remer: That's a dude.
- Squeak Scolari: No way, you're just saying that because you want her for yourself.
- Doug Remer: No dude, I'm saying that because she's a guy.
- Squeak Scolari: That's impossible. Just look at her. She's got the cutest little upturned nose, the softest lips. The sweetest Adam's apple.”
Trey Parker - Doug Remer
Dian Bachar - Squeak Scolari

“- Lisa: I hope you're happy in the life you've chosen.
- Joe Young: Don't quote Dickens in my apartment!”
Robyn Lynne Raab - Lisa
Trey Parker - Joe Young

“- Kyle Broflovski: Let me have some candy, Cartman.
- Eric Cartman: Let's see, hmm, nope, I don't have any Jewish candy.
- Kyle Broflovski: Fine! Like you really need all that chocolate, fat boy!”
Matt Stone - Kyle Broflovski
Trey Parker - Eric Cartman

“[Gary sees the limo] Oh, I get it. I'm supposed to get inside your limo and let you put your finger inside me. And if I go down on you, I get a movie part.”
Trey Parker - Gary Johnston

“- Chef: Haven't you heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?
- Army General: I don't listen to hip-hop.”

Isaac Hayes - Chef
Trey Parker - Army General

“I can't wait to take leave so I can get me some fucking poontang.”

Trey Parker - Mr. Herbert Garrison

“- Old Lady: You two boys can just fuck right off.
- Joe Young: Ma'am?
- Old Lady: You heard me. Take that book of Mormons and shove it so far up your righteous asses that you choke, you soul soliciting pigfuckers.”

Louise Rapport - Old Lady
Trey Parker - Joe Young

“- Gary Johnston: Jesus, this is a nice limo.
- Spottswoode: Yes, it is. Now suck my cock! Just kidding.”
Trey Parker - Gary Johnston
Daran Norris - Spottswoode

- Eric Cartman: Mom? If you were in a German "scheisse" video, you... you'd tell me, right?
- Liane Cartman: Sure, hon.

Trey Parker - Eric Cartman
Mary Kay Bergman - Liane Cartman

“- Doug Remer: We win, and they get the chicks. That sucks, dude.
- Joe Cooper: I'm telling you, it's jobs. We gotta get jobs. Then we get the khakis. Then we get the chicks.”
Matt Stone - Doug Remer
Trey Parker - Joe Cooper

“- Doug Remer: Your bed is over here.
[indicates a dog bed]
- Squeak Scolari: Dude, that is so fuckin' weak! How am I supposed to get a chick in that?
- Joe Cooper: Oh, don't worry, dude. You couldn't get a chick if you had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your zipper.”
Matt Stone - Doug Remer
Dian Bachar - Squeak Scolari
Trey Parker - Joe Cooper

“- Maxxx Orbison: They're the Assfuck Twins.
- Joe Young: Couldn't I call them the Naughty Twins or something?
- Maxxx Orbison: No, you couldn't just call them the Naughty Twins. They're the Assfuck Twins. Why would you call them The Naughty Twins when they get fucked in the ass all the time?”

Michael Dean Jacobs - Maxxx Orbison
Trey Parker - Joe Young

“Your eyes, your smile, made my little life worthwhile. The sky was a lot more blue when I was on top of you.”

Trey Parker - Alferd Packer

“- Doug Remer: Hey kid, think fast!
[throws the ball, knocking the kid out cold]
- Doug Remer: He's a little slow on the hands.
- Jenna Reed: He's blind, Doug.”
Trey Parker - Doug Remer
Yasmine Bleeth - Jenna Reed

“- Satan: Is sex the only thing that matters to you?
- Saddam Hussein: I love you.”
Trey Parker - Satan
Matt Stone - Saddam Hussein