“Two and a Half Men” quotes
(2003)
Chuck Lorre
created this TV Series
in 2003
Title Two and a Half Men
Year 2003
Creators Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre
Genre Comedy
Year 2003
Creators Lee Aronsohn, Chuck Lorre
Genre Comedy
Plot – Two and a Half Men is an American television sitcom about a hedonistic jingle writer, Charlie Harper, his uptight divorced brother, Alan, and Alan's mischievous son, Jake. The Harper brothers Charlie and Alan are almost opposites. Alan is a compulsively neat chiropractor and control-freak. Charlie is a freelance jingle composer and Cassanova who lives in a luxurious beach-house and rarely gets up before noon. Now Charlie is forced to change his lifestyle when Alan and his son come to live with him. The sitcom revolves around their conflicting lifestyles and raising Jake together.
All actors – Jon Cryer, Angus T. Jones, Conchata Ferrell, Charlie Sheen, Holland Taylor, Ashton Kutcher, Marin Hinkle, Melanie Lynskey, Courtney Thorne-Smith
show all“Two and a Half Men” Quotes 63 quotes
“You spent all that money on an ex-wife and an ex-wife's house and you're not allowed inside either one of them.”
“We all want the shining red apple, but sometimes we got to settle for what's on the lower branch, or in some cases we take what's lying on the ground.”
“An awards ceremony is like a Thai massage. If you don't know that there's gonna be a happy ending, there's no point in lying down.”
“No woman ever came home from a date complaining that all she did was talk about herself.”
“The day you start accepting limitations is the day you start dying, and I am not dying, my friend. I am living life to the fullest. ”
“I just think variety is the spice of life. And as far as spices go, some people like salt, some people like pepper, some like salt and pepper. Me, I like women!”
“If you can't afford dog food, don't get a dog.”
“I once handed a date my Visa so she could pump gas for me, and on my next statement, there were charges for a boob job and a PlayStation 3. And I never got to play with either one of them.”
“Girls don't generally respond to desperation.”
“Alcohol is for people who can afford to lose some brain cells.”
“A lot of great discoveries were accidents, like Thomas Edison and the telephone.”
“For every gorgeous woman out there's a guy tired of banging her.”
“Begging never gets you anywhere. I say this having spent more time on my knees than any straight man in America.”
“The only reason to wear a hat on a date is to cover a bald spot. ”
“Zoey-I slept like a baby.
Lyndsey Mackelroy-Hope you did not wet the bed.
”“If I insisted on women saying I love you, I would not have had a girlfriend, a wife or even a mother.”
“Alan Harper-You gotta be excited about having your girlfriend back. What has been like a month?
Walden Schmidt-Three weeks.
Alan Harper-Still that is like a decade in penis years.
”“Berta-You can just keep staring at your laptop all day.
Walden Schmidt-I made a billion dollars doing this.
Berta-Well, carry on.
”“Alan Harper-Lyndsey has been pushing me to make a commitment because some other guy asked her out.
Walden Schmidt-Who asked her out?
Alan Harper-Her gynecologist.
Walden Schmidt-At least he knows what he is getting into.
”“Walden Schmidt-So, Japan, huh? I am excited for you.
Jake harper-Yeah, my only worry is that they have not found Godzilla.
”
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