Awkwardness quotes

“Please don't tell my kids I died taking a shit.”
Daniel Stern - Phil Berquist

“- Jeff: Hi, I’m Jeff... I have a bush too. It's not grey.
- Alex: Hey!
- Jeff: What?
- Alex: My bush isn't really grey.
- Jeff: Well, not according to my mom.”
Nick Swardson - Jeff
Allen Covert - Alex

“I'm not taking my clothes off. No way! I once took my clothes off at the drive-in for Eddie Hansen. He went to get popcorn and he never came back. I'm never taking my clothes off again in front of anybody. Not even my husband, unless he's Burt Reynolds. Maybe Richard Gere.”
Lauri Hendler - Nadine

“- Helen Sinclair: Make love to me.
- David Shayne: Here? Now?
- Helen Sinclair: I see no reason to wait.
- David Shayne: Jerome Kern is on the other side of the door.
- Helen Sinclair: Yes, he's a wonderful composer. You'll have to meet him. Now hang up your pants.”
Dianne Wiest - Helen Sinclair
John Cusack - David Shayne

“That was the most pussified attempt I have ever seen.”

Bam Margera - Valo

“I suppose an angel just passed, a very clumsy one.”

Samuel West - Bertie

“- Peter Pevensie: High King Peter the Magnificent.
- Susan Pevensie: You probably could have left off the last bit.
- Trumpkin: Probably.”
William Moseley - Peter Pevensie
Anna Popplewell - Susan Pevensie
Peter Dinklage - Trumpkin

“- Commander Kate Bowman: Could you pass me the towel, please?
- Gallagher: Sure. Sorry.
- Commander Kate Bowman: Just pretend I'm your sister.
- Gallagher: I have two sisters. They don't look like you.”

Carrie-Anne Moss - Bowman
Val Kilmer - Gallagher

“- Ian Wallace: Looking for me?
- Daphne Reynolds: Oh, no. I was just looking for the loo!
- Ian Wallace: Outside? On the terrace?”
Oliver James - Ian Wallace
Amanda Bynes - Daphne Reynolds

“I've never been alone with a man before, even with my dress on. With my dress off it's most unusual.”
Audrey Hepburn - Princess Ann

“- Female Highway Patrol Officer: Looks like we found something.
- Big John: What's that?
- Female Highway Patrol Officer: A concealed weapon.”

Leilani Sarelle - Female Highway Patrol Officer
Fred Thompson - Big John

“- Pacha: We're on our honeymoon.
- Waitress: Bless you for coming out in public..”

John Goodman - Patcha
Patti Deutsch - Waitress

“It was, quite simply, the worst night of my life, my embarrassment compounded by the fact that Victor had now slept with two out of the three members of my family.”
Sir Michael Caine - Matthew Hollis

“A lot of strange things happen in this world. Things you don't know about in Grand Rapids. Things you don't want to know about. Doors that shouldn't be opened.”
Peter Boyle - Andy Mast

“We end up looking like a monkey fucking a football out there.”
Randy Quaid - Tim Daland

“- Muddy Grimmes: What are your names?
- Butt-head: Butt-head.
- Beavis: I'm Beavis.
- Muddy Grimmes: Well, that's all right. I'd rather not know your real names, anyway. Mine's Muddy.”

Bruce Willis - Muddy Grimes
Mike Judge - Butt-Head
Mike Judge - Beavis

“Honestly, darling, I'm so embarrassed. I mean to serve salmon with botulism at a dinner party is social death.”
Eric Idle - Angela

“- Larry Wilson: Rich, if she finds out you live with your folks, you're gonna embarrass yourself.
- Richard Parker: Yeah. Yeah, I know. But I can't do that to you, Larry.
- Larry Wilson: It's the coackroaches isn't it?
- Richard Parker: Well...
- Larry Wilson: They scatter when the light goes on.”

Andrew McCarthy - Larry Wilson
Jonathan Silverman - Richard Parker

“- Seth: Hello Maggie! It's nice to see you again.
- Dr. Maggie Rice: It's weird to see you again.
- Seth: Weird is nice.”
Nicolas Cage - Seth

“- Enchanted Princess: My dear prince, you have rescued me, you have caught me in your arms.
- Calvin: Actually you landed on my balls!”

Nicole Parker - Enchanted Princess
Gary 'G. Thang' Johnson - Calvin

“- Caroline: When did you get here?
- Adam: Ten.
- Caroline: Ten? That was almost two hours ago. You'd rather be out here with my cat than inside with... than inside with a room full of strangers and relatives.”
Marisa Tomei - Caroline
Christian Slater - Adam

“- Gordon Cooper: Yeah, but... nurse, how am I supposed to...
- Nurse Murch: The best results seem to be obtained through fantasization, accompanied by masturbation, followed by ejaculation.
- Gordon Cooper: Well, that sounds easy enough.”

Dennis Quaid - Gordon Cooper
Jane Dornacker - Nurse Murch

“You don't know the power you have over me. One word from you, one look, and I'm four years old again.”

Tamlyn Tomita - Waverly

“So, Laney, I was wondering if you wanted to…
[Laney walks away]
...embarrass me horribly in front of all these people.”
Freddie Prinze Jr. - Zack Siler

“- Rozalin Focker: Well you know, honey, many unplanned pregnancies happen because the man is such a sexual dynamo, and the woman craves his sperm on an unconscious but very powerful level.
- Greg Focker: Mom, I'm truly not comfortable having this conversation with you. I've been telling you that since I was eleven.”
Barbra Streisand - Rozalin Focker
Ben Stiller - Greg Focker