Hotel quotes

“- Christopher Marshall: How long are you in town for?
- Marisa Ventura: I'm not sure.
- Christopher Marshall: You always stay at the Beresford?
- Marisa Ventura: Sometimes I feel like I live there.”
Ralph Fiennes - Christopher Marshall
Jennifer Lopez - Marisa Ventura

“If you guys ever thought about brightening this place up, like, you know, a few plants, some flowers, you'd attract a better class of criminal. And man, if I can say one other thing, the room service sucks, and so do some of the customers.”
Dennis Hopper - Huey Walker

“I must leave. Zis Hotel is deteriorating rapidly.”

Peter Sellers - Clouseau

- Charlotte Bartlett: This is not at all what we were led to expect.
- Lucy Honeychurch: I thought we were going to see the Arno.
- Charlotte Bartlett: The signora distinctly wrote "South rooms, with a view and close together", instead of which she has given us North rooms without a view and a long way apart.
Maggie Smith - Charlotte Bartlett, a Chaperon
Helena Bonham Carter - Lucy Honeychurch, Miss Bartlett's cousin and charge

“Hello, and welcome to Amsterdam's finest and most luxurious youth hostel. We feature one medium sized room containing 70 beds which can sleep up to 375 bodies a night. There is no bathroom. Nor is there one nearby.”

Joanna Lumley - Hostel Clerk

“- Desk Clerk: Can I help you?
- Kevin McCallister: A reservation for McCallister?
- Desk Clerk: A reservation for yourself?
- Kevin McCallister: Ma'am, my feet are hardly touching the ground. I'm barely able to look over the counter. How can I make a reservation for a hotel room? Think about it. A kid coming into a hotel, making a reservation? I...” (continue)(continue reading)

Dana Ivey - Desk Clerk
Macaulay Culkin - Kevin McCallister

“You're the smartest man here. You got them all eating out of your hands. You could own this frigging hotel, except for one thing. You're black.”

Nick Nolte - Colonel Oliver

“Honey, it was my idea. Ah, you know how it is at the hotel, all the reporters and the fans all the time, this is great. Oh it's just me, Roger, and Cerv. Hey, you look kind of sexy in that. No, there ain't no girls here, it's Roger! He wearing a stupid little girlie apron, cooking up some bacon.”

Thomas Jane - Mickey Mantle

“- Comrade Iranoff: The service in this hotel is terrible! See! Nobody comes...nobody pays any attention. That's freedom.
- Comrade Buljanoff: That's bad management.”
Sig Ruman - Comrade Iranoff
Felix Bressart - Comrade Buljanoff

“I own the hotel, and I live there. My life is very much like Monopoly.”
Hugh Grant - George Wade

“If there's no room at the Hotel Genius, I'll take a room at the Hotel Imbecile.”
Roberto Benigni - Driver - Rome

What's this? "For prompt service, blow me". That's an interesting touch.

John Candy - Chet Ripley

“- Tom Cody: Maybe some other time, huh?
- McCoy: I doubt it, but anything's possible. Hey, look... About the spare bed: I'm just passin' through this district, I don't know anybody. I'm between jobs and last time I heard hotels cost money.”
Michael Paré - Tom Cody
Amy Madigan - McCoy

- Kermit the Frog: We were wondering if you could recommend a nice hotel. Actually, a cheap hotel.
- British Gentleman: How cheap?
- Fozzie Bear: Free.
- British Gentleman: Well, that narrows the field a bit. Let's see. "Places where you can park your carcasses". Bus terminals... river banks... The Happiness Hotel...

Jim Henson - Kermit the Frog
Robert Morley - British Gentleman
Frank Oz - Fozzie Bear

“- Ricky: You live here, at a hotel?
- Harriet: My mom got it as a divorce present.”
Kevin Bacon - Ricky Schroth
Evan Rachel Wood - Harriet Frankovitz

This is not a motel called "Cemetery". This is a cemetery called "Motel".
Ezio Greggio - Antonio Motel

“I want a room with water which is sometimes hot. If there's a bath to put it in, I wouldn't mind.”

Sir Sean Connery - Major Robert Dapes

“- Capt. Harris: Not exactly a four star hotel, is it?
- Lt. Talinsky: Well, we spend our police budget on fighting criminals, not on pampering out of town visitors.
- Capt. Harris: It was your government that brought us here!
- Lt. Talinsky: They also bring in monkeys for zoo, but we don't put them in four star hotel either!”
G.W. Bailey - Capt. Harris
Gregg Berger - Lt. Talinsky

“- Lily: Ms. Lily St. Regis. I was named after the hotel.
- Miss Hannigan: Which floor?”

Kristin Chenoweth - Lily St. Regis
Kathy Bates - Miss Agatha Hannigan

“- Reverend Keach: Here? Where here?
- Birkin: What about the belfry?
- Reverend Keach: The belfry? I can't say that appeals to me, having somebody stay in the belfry. Shouldn't you take lodgings? A room in the Shepherd's Arms?”

Patrick Malahide - Reverend Keach
Colin Firth - Birkin

“Don't let people lie to you: hostels are for the ugly.”

Kip Pardue - Victor

“- Frank Galvin: I changed my life today, what did you do?
- Laura Fischer: I changed my room at the hotel.
- Frank Galvin: Why did you do that?
- Laura Fischer: TV didn't work.”
Paul Newman - Frank Galvin
Charlotte Rampling - Laura Fischer

- Richard D'Oyly Carte: The Savoy Hotel.
- Arthur Sullivan: With its seventy bathrooms.
- Richard D'Oyly Carte: The builder was much bemused. "What's the point of having a bathroom to every bedroom? Who's going to be staying there, amphibians?".
Ron Cook - Richard D'Oyly Carte
Allan Corduner - Arthur Sullivan

- Sleazy Lawyer: This is entrapment! My client was visiting close personal friends in that motel.
- Sergeant Warren Reed: Hey, buddy, your client's "close personal friends" were a non-union video crew and a German shepherd!
Marc Gowan - Sleazy Lawyer
Robert DoQui - Sergeant Warren Reed

“- Sgt. Taggart: Nah, that's alright. You keep it as a souvenir.
- Axel Foley: I already have three of 'em in my bag.”

John Ashton - Sgt. Taggart
Eddie Murphy - Axel Foley