Jews quotes

“- Tom: Look, it's all completely chicken soup.
- Nick the Greek: It's what?
- Tom: It's kosher. As Christmas.
- Nick the Greek: The Jews don't celebrate Christmas, Tom.”
Jason Flemyng - Tom
Stephen Marcus - Nick The Greek

“- Gertie Michaels: Maybe we're dead and this is Heaven.
- Vicki Summers: This can't be Heaven. Max is here and she's Jewish.”
Alia Shawkat - Gertie Michaels
Nina Dobrev - Vicki Summers

“When you're Jewish you either learn to fight, or you take a lotta shit. I don't like to take shit.”
Scott Colomby - Brian Schwartz

“They started out poor and angry and everybody looked down on them. Until one man decided to give them some pride, an identity... and somebody to blame. You take over neighborhoods? That's nothing compared to them. They took over countries. You want to know how? They just wiped out everybody else.”

Hilary Swank - Erin Gruwell

“- Avner: You people have nothing to bargain with. You'll never get the land back. You'll die old men in refugee camps waiting for Palestine.
- Ali: We have a lot of children. They'll have children. So we can wait forever. And if we need to, we can make the whole planet unsafe for Jews.”
Eric Bana - Avner
Omar Metwally - Ali

“Jews can't serve on juries because they insist they're guilty.”
Cathy Ladman

“What a tremendously hostile world that a rat must endure. Yet not only does he survive, he thrives. Because our little foe has an instinct for survival and preservation second to none... And that, Monsieur, is what a Jew shares with a rat.”
Christoph Waltz - Col. Hans Landa

“- Avram: Tommy, I'm not a rabbi.
- Tommy: Don't say that! You are a rabbi. I'm a bank robber. I'm a card player and a whoremonger. That's what I am. You are a rabbi. You can fall in the mud, you can slip on your ass, you can travel in the wrong direction. But even on your ass, even in the mud, even if you go in the wrong direction for a little...” (continue)(continue reading)
Gene Wilder - Avram
Harrison Ford - Tommy

“Six hundred years ago, when elsewhere they were footing the blame for the Black Death, Casimir the Great - so called - told the Jews they could come to Krakow. They came. They trundled their belongings into the city. They settled. They took hold. They prospered in business, science, education, the arts. They came with nothing. And they...” (continue)(continue reading)
Ralph Fiennes - Amon Goeth

“- Anna Von Hagen: We put them in cattle cars and shipped them east. Always east.
- Charlie Maguire: To the Ukraine, you mean? To the resettlement camps?
- Anna Von Hagen: Ja, we resettle them. In the air.”

Jean Marsh - Anna Von Hagen
Miranda Richardson - Charlie Maguire

“What do you want me to do? Flagellate myself? Jews don't do that, we plant trees.”
Ben Stiller - Rabbi Jake Schram

“- Deputy Mayor Kevin Calhoun: You keep looking at that thing as if it weren't kosher.
- Abe Goodman: A cut of meat is kosher. A piece of fish, savory foods, and all kinds of dang things are kosher, but a probation report is not kosher. A probation report is merely a probation report.”
John Cusack - Deputy Mayor Kevin Calhoun
David Paymer - Abe Goodman

“The only advantage I have found in being Jewish is that I can be openly anti-Semitic.”
Kirk Douglas

“- Avner: You kill Jews and the world feels bad for them and thinks you animals.
- Ali: Yes. But then the world will see how they've made us into animals.”
Eric Bana - Avner
Omar Metwally - Ali

“This chick, man, without the benefit of dying herself, has broken down the process of dying into five stages: anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Sounds like a Jewish law firm. 'Good morning 'Anger denial bargaining depression acceptance!'.”
Cliff Gorman - Davis Newman

“- Tommy: What do you call this in Jewish?
- Avram: A tuchas.
- Tommy: Well, you keep your eyes on this took-iss, and don't take them off 'till I tell you!”

Harrison Ford - Tommy
Gene Wilder - Avram

Hitler goes to a fortune-teller and asks, "When will I die?" and the fortune-teller replies, "On a Jewish holiday". Hitler then asks, "How do you know that?" and she replies, "Any day you die will be a Jewish holiday".
Robin Williams - Jakob

“- Liesel Meminger: [about Jewish neighbor] I don't understand. What did he do so wrong?
- Max Vandenburg: He reminded people of their humanity.
- Liesel Meminger: Can't he apologize?
- Max Vandenburg: To who? Hitler?”
Sophie Nélisse - Liesel Meminger
Ben Schnetzer - Max Vandenburg

“We give you a Jewish girl at five marks a day, Oskar. You should kiss us, not them. God forbid you ever get a real taste for Jewish skirt, there's no future in it. They don't have a future. That's not just good old fashioned Jew hating talk. It's policy now.”

Andrzej Seweryn - Julian Scherner

“- Taggart: I got it! I know how we can run everyone out of Rock Ridge.
- Hedley Lamarr: How?
- Taggart: We'll kill the first born male child in every household.
- Hedley Lamarr: [after some consideration] Too Jewish.”
Slim Pickens - Taggart
Harvey Korman - Hedley Lamarr

I'm a Catholic, which is the best of all the religions, really, because we have the most rules. And the best clothes. But among us, there is also a Buddhist, agnostic, we have a Baptist, and we have a "I don't know", which seems to be the fastest growing religion in the world. And now, we have "I think I'm Jewish", which is a new one for the... (continue)(continue reading)
Chris O'Dowd - Brother Geraghty

“Immigrant Jews. I spoke with an accent. I didn't speak English even - I spoke French and Yiddish mostly.”
Saul Rubinek

“I believe we are the chosen people... but I wish the Almighty had chosen somebody else.”
Robin Williams - Jakob

“I've heard they're a different race... Jews. You and I take Communion. They don't even believe in sin. They'll betray you, just like they betrayed Jesus H. Christ Himself.”

Sir Michael Gambon - Don Faranzano

“Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. Why do Jewish guys die before their wives? They want to.”
Henny Youngman - Henny Youngman