Prison quotes

“I'm not going to an English prison. With my feathery blond hair and Chon's athletic build, they'll try to make us the bell of the ball.”
Owen Wilson - Roy O'Bannon

“Damn, they're closing down military left and right and putting up jails like 7-Eleven stores!”
LaTanya Richardson Jackson - Priscilla Worth

“Well you can probably get away with stealing sometimes, but sooner or later you're gonna get caught. Is that the way you want to lead your life?”

Fionnula Flanagan - Evelyn Mercer

“Spit on the sidewalk and you'll die in jail!”

William Traylor - Sackett

- Matron Mama Morton: You'll be staying on E-block. "Murderess Row" we like to call it.
- Roxie Hart: Oh... is that nicer?

Queen Latifah - Matron Mama Morton
Renee Zellweger - Roxie Hart

“A hundred and twenty five years... Oh God, Oh God... I'll be a hundred and sixty one when I get out.”

Richard Pryor - Harry Monroe

“To think that for merely murdering a man I was incarcerated for six whole weeks in a filthy prison cell.”

George Zucco - Professor Moriarty

“- Reese Bobby: Now, there's nothing like driving to avoid jail. Nothing hones your mind and your instincts like necessity. So I taped a kilo of cocaine underneath the car and called the boys in blue. Now, the way I figure it, you got about two minutes before they show up and you do 5 to 10. So, what's it going to be? Fear or prison?
- Ricky...” (continue)(continue reading)
Gary Cole - Reese Bobby
Will Ferrell - Ricky Bobby

“- Manny Ribera: Hey, come on, man, it ain't that bad.
- Tony Montana: Hey, what the fuck you talkin', man?
- Manny Ribera: The jails in this country are like hotels, man.
- Tony Montana: You fuckin' kiddin' me, man? Are you fuckin' high, man?”

Steven Bauer - Manny Ribera
Al Pacino - Tony Montana

“- Kermit the Frog: I'm your attorney, that's the only way they'd let me in here.
- Miss Piggy: Oh, right! Oh, I've missed you so... Rosenthal. It's been an eternity.
- Kermit the Frog: It's been forty-five minutes.
- Miss Piggy: Time goes slow in the cooler.”
Jim Henson - Kermit the Frog
Frank Oz - Miss Piggy

“Well, I guess you can't break out of prison and into society in the same week.”
John Wayne - The Ringo Kid

“Hope you like prison food... and penis.”
Damon Wayans Jr. - Fosse

“- Peter: The worst they would ever do is they would put you for a couple of months into a white-collar, minimum-security resort! Shit, we should be so lucky! Do you know, they have conjugal visits there?
- Samir: Really?
- Peter: Yes.
- Michael Bolton: Shit. I'm a free man and I haven't had a conjugal visit in six months.”

Ron Livingston - Peter
Ajay Naidu - Samir
David Herman - Michael Bolton

“- Prison Officer Rabies Pendel: I suppose you think you got the better of us there. But just remember, kidder, you're in for ten years.
- Terry Stokes: Yeah, that's right, Mr. Pendel. But you're in for life, ain't you?”
Tony Haygarth - Prison Officer Rabies Pendel
Brian Hall - Terry Stokes

“- Mr Sands: Name and number?
- Angel: 4736, Angel, sir.
- Mr Sands: Louder!
- Angel: 4736, Angel, sir.
- Mr Sands: Straight out the banana trees, eh? Well, you take it from me, nig-nog, you go steal white man's motor cars and you get white man's stick, right?
- Angel: Yes, sir.”
John Judd - Mr Sands
Alrick Riley - Angel

“- Jack: There's only two times when that kind of thing's okay: in prison where it's a substitute and guys in space.
- Mike: Guys in space?
- Jack: Well, not on purpose. They just float into each other.”

Shawn Hatosy - Jack
Zak Orth - Mike

“This is going to sound real stupid coming from a man in prison. But for the first time in my life, I'm free.”
Denzel Washington - Whip Whitaker

- Delores "Jacks" Jackson: You're gonna need me.
- Nico Toscani: Need you? For what?
- Delores "Jacks" Jackson: To get your ass outta jail.
- Nico Toscani: You think you can afford my bail?
Pam Grier - Delores "Jacks" Jackson
Steven Seagal - Nico Toscani

“- J.C. Wiatt: I need your sister's name in Wiesbaden - in case of an emergency - and her prison record, if any.
- Helga Von Haupt: Excuse me??
- J.C. Wiatt: Uh, oh, silly! I mean her address, if you have it.”
Diane Keaton - J.C. Wiatt
Carol Gillies - Helga Von Haupt

“You sit there with a mass murderer. Your heart rate is jacked, and your hand steady. That's one thing I figured out about myself in prison. My hand does not shake ever.”
Alec Baldwin - Billy

“Before you ladies get pregnant and you gentlemen murder one another you'll learn the joy of reading. This way, you have something to do in your ninth month or in your jail cell.”
Francesca P. Roberts - Miss Higgins

“I understand, I'm not your type, too many tattoos. Thing is, there isn't much to do in prison except desecrate your flesh.”
Robert De Niro - Max Cady

“- Fat Ass: You don't understand! I'm not supposed to be here!
- Inmates: Me neither! They run this place like a fucking prison!”

Frank Medrano - Fat Ass

“- Kumar Patel: Are all the guards in Guantanamo Bay gay?
- Big Bob: Fuck no! There ain't nothing gay about getting your dick sucked! You're the ones that're gay for sucking my dick!”
Kal Penn - Kumar Patel
Randal Reeder - Big Bob

“I don't know what's worse, church or jail?”
Mary Stuart Masterson - Idgie Threadgoode