Shit quotes

“- Anita: Lighten up, Demon, you'll feel a lot better after you shit.
- Demon: I'll feel a lot better when I'm out of here. This shitbox is gross.
- Anita: You better watch out for the snake that's going to crawl up that crapper and bite your ass.”
Jere Fields - Anita
Miguel A. Núñez Jr. - Demon

“When you're shoveling manure you really find out which way the wind is blowing.”
George Segal - Walter Whitney

“- Austin: Cor! This coffee smells like shit!
- Basil: It is shit, Austin.
- Austin: Oh, good. Then it's not just me.
- Austin: It's a bit nutty.”

Mike Myers - Austin Powers
Michael York - Basil Exposition

“You can want in one hand and shit in the other, and see which one fills first.”
Robert De Niro - Dwight

“This big fat crow lands on a billboard. Biggest, fattest crow I ever saw in my life. And I fix on him, and he dropped dead - boom, in the sand. Damndest thing I ever saw. Kind of made me sick. In fact, it made me poop. It made me poop my pants. It was about a four-inch, bell-shaped fece, very hard, very firm. Things haven't been going too good...” (continue)(continue reading)
Marshall Bell - Larry

“The world is full of shit indeed.”
Thomas Jay Ryan - Henry Fool

“- Paul: Oh, shit. He's taking a shit in the house.
- Jimmy: What kind of guy takes a shit in the same house that he's robbing?
- Paul: I don't know. What kind of guy takes a shit in a high-pressure situation like this? I'm not shitting no where except for my house.”
Tracy Morgan - Paul
Bruce Willis - Jimmy

“- Gny. Sgt. Hartman: How tall are you, private?
- Pvt. Cowboy: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir.
- Gny. Sgt. Hartman: Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high!”
R. Lee Ermey - Gny. Sgt. Hartman
Arliss Howard - Pvt. Cowboy

“No one's heard nothing? That just isn't natural. It's like one of them silent, deadly farts. No clue, and then pow, you go cross-eyed.”
Bob Hoskins - Harold

“- Terry Hoitz: Your farts aren't manly.
- Allen Gamble: Are you serious?
- Terry Hoitz: They sound like a baby blowing out birthday candles.”
Mark Wahlberg - Terry Hoitz
Will Ferrell - Allen Gamble

“- Jonathan Cabot: Shit.
- Mackle: This is a real shame, Cabot.”

Kurt Thomas - Jonathan Cabot
Zlatko Pokupec - Mackle

“That son of a bitch got away with everything that I had. And I was so scared that I shit my pants.”
Rob Lowe - Skip

“- Danny: My partner's got a really good idea for making dolls. His name's Presuming Ed. His sister give him the idea. She got a doll on Christmas that pisses itself. Then you gotta change its diapers for it. It's horrible really but they like that, the little girls. So we're gonna make one that shits itself as well.
- Withnail: Shits itself?
-...” (continue)(continue reading)
Ralph Brown - Danny
Richard R. Grant - Withnail

“- Aurora De La Hoya: He took the broom and went out the back door. He didn't say what he was going to clean up.
- Glenda Gardenia Parks: Oh, shit.
- Aurora De La Hoya: Well, maybe it was.”
Yvonne Wilder - Aurora De La Hoya
Goldie Hawn - Glenda Parks

“You think I don't appreciate art? You think I don't understand fashion? You think I'm not hip? You think I'm pathetic? A nerd? A lard-ass fat-so? You think I'm shit? Well, you're wrong, 'cause I'm champagne, and you're shit.”
Jon Lovitz - Andy Kornbluth

“- Raphael: Did you hear what he called me, Leo?
- Leonardo: Yeah, an ugly lump of dung.
- Raphael: That was an insult, Leo.
- Donatello: Not necessarily, Raph. Did you know that in some countries dung is used as a fuel source?”
Tim Kelleher - Raphael
Brian Tochi - Leonardo
Corey Feldman - Donatello

“Last time we did this I didn't shit right for a month.”

Lou Diamond Phillips - Yerzy Penalosa

- Betsy Jobs: Checkers pooped.
- Rose Mary Woods: Girls, the President's dog doesn't "poop". He "does his business".
Kirsten Dunst - Betsy Jobs
Ana Gasteyer - Rose Mary Woods

“- Old Woman on Plane and Bus: I'm sorry. You have to speak up, son. I have this ringing in my ears. My doctor says it could be related to my heart palpitations.
- Beavis: Really? I poop too much.
- Old Woman on Plane and Bus: Maybe you're lactose intolerant.
- Beavis: I mean... No, no. I poop too much! And then I get tired.”
Cloris Leachman - Old Woman on Plane and Bus
Mike Judge - Beavis

“- Sandy Lyle: Reuben, I'm in a situation here. We have to leave now.
- Reuben Feffer: No. Can we stay a couple more minutes?
- Sandy Lyle: Dude, no. This is serious. I just sharted.
- Reuben Feffer: I don't know what that means.
- Sandy Lyle: I tried to fart and a little shit came out. I just sharted. Now let's go.”
Philip Seymour Hoffman - Sandy Lyle
Ben Stiller - Reuben Feffer

“My own stools, Sir, are gigantic and have no more odor than a hot biscuit.”
Philip Anthony Hopkins - Dr. John Harvey Kellogg

“I am eating this very good meats and vegetables in a very fine sauce... I will shit easy tomorrow.”

Christian Clavier - Andre

“- Spy Swatter: When one of those bullets almost hit me, I thought I was gonna crap!
- His Hairdresser: I heard you fart.”

My mother ran in the bathroom, see my big brother sitting in the bathroom with a piece of shit in his hand in the tub, I was laying in the bottom of the water with blood gushing out my eye, G.I. Joe up my ass. My mother's like, "What the fuck going on in here?".
Eddie Murphy - Eddie Murphy

“- God: Stinking motherfucking bitch.
- Jeff Cole: What's up with the little man?
- God: Smells like he messed up his diaper.”
LL Cool J - God
Omar Epps - Jeff Cole