Shit quotes

“- Louie Kritski: I need to use your bathroom.
- Eleanor: No!
- Louie Kritski: What am I supposed to do, shit outside?
- Eleanor: Lincoln did.”
Joe Pesci - Louie Kritski
Carol Jean Lewis - Eleanor

Evidentally he's tasted everything that's come out of his body except shit and he says he'll probably taste that one day too. And then he reads a poem about "shit" so I'm thinking, "Okay, this guy really likes shit" right? And then he keeps reading and he reads 17 poems all about shit. 17! I'm not kidding.

Tori Spelling - Katherine

Bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods. And the bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Excuse me, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?". And the rabbit says, "No". So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.
Eddie Murphy - Eddie Murphy

“- Phil: All he does is cry and poop.
- Tommy Pickles: So do you!
- Phil: I don't cry that much.
- Tommy Pickles: Well, you poop an awful lot!
- Phil: Look who's talking, Mr. Chocolate Pants!”

Kath Soucie - Philip Deville
Elizabeth Daily - Tommy Pickles

“- Harvey Holroyd: Why the plastic turd?
- Stokely: It's my homework. He says my mind is not in touch with my body, so I'm supposed to learn my body's beautiful. Starting with shit.”
Martin Mull - Harvey
Anthony Battaglia - Stokely

“- Sherman Klump: Buddy Love, I am sick and tired, of your S-H...
- Dean Richmond: I.
- Sherman Klump: Thank you. T-E!
- Buddy Love: Oh, ho-ho-ho. My shite?”
Eddie Murphy - Sherman Klump
Larry Miller - Dean Richmond
Eddie Murphy - Buddy Love

“I met a man who loved everything, and he died in a flood of shit.”
Sam Neill - Mark

“- 1st Scientist: Of all the people we surveyed the results were just about uniform.
- F. Ross Johnson: Uh huh.
- Edward A. Horrigan Jr.: They all said they tasted like shit.
- F. Ross Johnson: Like shit?
- 2nd Scientist: Shit was the consensus, yes sir.”

Dean Norris - 1st Scientist
James Garner - F. Ross Johnson
Matt Clark - Edward A. Horrigan Jr.
Eric Poppick - 2nd Scientist

“- Reporter #1: Sir, how often should one evacuate one's bowels?
- Dr. John Harvey Kellogg: One should never, ever, interrupt one's desire to defecate. I have inquired at the Bronx and London Zoos as to the daily bowel evacuations of primates. It is not once, twice, or three times, sir, but four. At the end of an average day, their cages are...” (continue)(continue reading)
Rich Valliere - Reporter #1
Philip Anthony Hopkins - Dr. John Harvey Kellogg

“A man can only take so much shit, before he has to start throwing some of it back.”
Joe Don Baker - Dick Harbinger

“- Gort, Giant: I'd sooner eat cowdung.
- Soldier: That can be arranged, and you can wash it down with your own blood if need be.”
Bernard Bresslaw - Gort, Giant
John J. Carney - Soldier

“Life is a shitstorm, and when it's raining shit the best umbrella is art.”
Peter Falk - Pedro Carmichael

“It's the Second Law of Thermodynamics: sooner or later everything turns to shit. That's my phrasing, not the Encyclopedia Britannica.”
Judy Davis - Sally

“- Stroker Ace: What are you doin' now, Dad?
- Dad Seegle: Oh, I make jewelry.
- Stroker Ace: Oh, that's real pretty, isn't it? What do you make it out of?
- Dad Seegle: Organic matter? Manure.
- Stroker Ace: Kinda makes you the Cartier of ca-ca.”
Burt Reynolds - Stroker Ace
Frank O. Hill - Dad Seegle

“- Ace Ventura: Mmm, this fruit paste is delicious. And the pottery is lovely.
- Ouda: It's made from guano.
- Ace Ventura: Guano! Why's that sounding so familiar?
[Ace Ventura starts licking the remains of the fruit paste from the bottom of the bowl]
- Fulton Greenwall: Bat droppings.”
Jim Carrey - Ace Venura
Maynard Eziashi - Ouda

“I'll probably shit blood tonight.”

Kevin Spacey - Verbal

“- Reg: I ain't saying shit!
- Tommy O'Shea: Ah, now, Reggie, you know damn well if you don't say shit you'll lose ninety percent of your vocabulary.”
Michael Dunston - Reg
Michael Parks - Tommy O'Shea