Vampire quotes

“You will not eat Stu and you will not eat the camera guy... Maybe one camera guy.”
Jemaine Clement - Vladislav

“I know nothing of God, or the Devil. I have never seen a vision nor learned a secret that will damn or save my soul. And as far as I know, after four hundred years, I am the oldest living vampire in the world.”
Antonio Banderas - Armand

“- Rachel Jansen: Why Dracula?
- Peter Bretter: Because he's a man like anyone else. He just wants to be loved. And every time he gets close to a human woman, he ends up smothering and killing her, which is a feeling I am familiar with.”

Mila Kunis - Rachel Jansen
Jason Segel - Peter Bretter

“- Deacon: I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool.
- Vladislav: I think of it like this. If you are going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it.”
Jonny Brugh - Deacon
Jemaine Clement - Vladislav

“- Jacob Fuller: Has anybody here read a real book about vampires, or are we just remembering what a movie said? I mean a real book.
- Sex Machine: You mean like a Time-Life book?”
Harvey Keitel - Jacob Fuller
Tom Savini - Sex Machine

“We're vampires, we don't put down towels.”
Jemaine Clement - Vladislav

“- Ben Mears: You're a vampire hunter now.
- Dr. James Cody: We'll be home by midnight?
- Ben Mears: No, that's Cinderella.”
Rob Lowe - Ben Mears
Robert Mammone - Dr. James Cody

“I mean, in a sense we're all vampires. We drain energy from other life forms. The difference is one of degree. That girl was no girl. She's totally alien to this planet and our life form... and totally dangerous.”
Frank Finlay - Dr. Hans Fallada

“- Edward Cullen: What did you expect, coffins and dungeons and moats?
- Bella Swan: No, not the moats.
- Edward Cullen: Not the moats.”
Robert Pattinson - Edward Cullen
Kristen Stewart - Bella Swan

“- Karen: You're one of them, aren't you?
- Blade: No, I'm something else.”

N'Bushe Wright - Karen
Wesley Snipes - Blade

“- Edward Cullen: I'm gonna take you to my place tomorrow.
- Bella Swan: Wait, like with your family?
- Edward Cullen: Yeah.
- Bella Swan: What if they don't like me?
- Edward Cullen: So you're worried, not because you'll be in a house full of vampires, but because you think they won't approve of you?”
Robert Pattinson - Edward Cullen
Kristen Stewart - Bella Swan

“- Edgar Frog: You think you really know what's happening here, don't you? Well, I'll tell you something, you don't know shit, buddy.
- Alan Frog: Yeah? You think we just work at a comic book store for our folks, huh?
- Sam Emerson: Actually, I thought it was a bakery.
- Edgar Frog: This is just a cover; we're dedicated to a higher purpose. We're...” (continue)(continue reading)
Corey Feldman - Edgar Frog
Jamison Newlander - Alan Frog
Corey Haim - Sam

“- Dr. Seward: I don't understand it! he's covered in blood and there's not a drop on you!
- Professor Van Helsing: I have been to many stakings- you have to know where to stand! You know, everything in life is location, location, location...”

Harvey Korman - Dr. Seward
Mel Brooks - Abraham Van Helsing

“- Joe: You lost a lot of blood. Are you sure you don't need more?
- Marie: Don't worry. You're not my type.”

Anthony LaPaglia - Joe Gennaro
Anne Parillaud - Marie

“- Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg: Where is he?
- Cindy Soundheim: He'll be here.
- Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg: Another fly by night character.”

Richard Benjamin - Dr. Jeffery Rosenberg
Susan Saint James - Cindy Sondheim

“- Karen: Why do you hunt them?
- Whistler: I had a family once - wife, two daughters. Then a drifter came calling one evening, a vampire. He toyed with them first. Tried to make me decide which order they'd die in.”
N'Bushe Wright - Karen
Kris Kristofferson - Whistler

“I'm going out for a bite to drink.”
George Hamilton - Dracula

“Look at your reflection in the mirror. You're a creature of the night Michael, just like out of a comic book! You're a vampire Michael! My own brother, a goddamn, shit-sucking vampire. You wait 'till mom finds out, buddy.”
Corey Haim - Sam

“Vampire Anatomy 101, crosses and holy water don't do dick so forget what you've seen in the movies. You use a wooden stake, silver or sunlight to kill them.”

Wesley Snipes - Blade

“- Villager: He killed a vampire!
- Carl: Isn't that a good thing?
- Top Hat: The Vampires only take what they need to survive. Maybe two or three a month... but now they will kill for revenge!”
Marek Vasut - Villager
David Wenham - Carl
Tom Fisher - Top Hat

- Professor Van Helsing: Count Dracula. Hmm, curious. Are you descended from Vlad Tepes? The first Dracula?
- Dr. Seward: Tepes?
- Professor Van Helsing: Ya. It means "the impaler". He was a blood-thirsty butchah. He inflicted unspeakable tortures on the peasants: cutting off their hands and feet, gouging out their eyes and then impaling them on... (continue)(continue reading)

Mel Brooks - Abraham Van Helsing
Harvey Korman - Dr. Seward

“- Ned Gold: Are you now or have you ever been a Norse God, Vampire, or Time Traveling Cyborg?
- Mike O' Donnell: I have know you since what, first grade? I think that maybe I would have told you!
- Ned Gold: Vampire wouldn't tell, Cyborg wouldn't know.”
Thomas Lennon - Ned Gold
Zac Efron - Mike O'Donnell

“- Martin: When I see people together, they don't talk. Not really. They don't say what they mean.
- Barry - Radio Talk Show Host: Right.
- Martin: Then they, they have the other... the sexy stuff. Whenever they want. I've been much too shy to ever do the sexy stuff. I mean, do it with someone who's awake. Someday maybe I'll get to do it - awake...” (continue)(continue reading)
John Amplas - Martin
Michael Gornick - Barry - Radio Talk Show Host

“Garlic is for vampires! Just ask Buffy! Doesn't anyone in this school watch television?”
Sarah Chalke - Sarah Zoltanne

“- Sam Emerson: I bet you hate garlic, dontcha!
- Max: No, I like garlic! It's just a little much! It's raw garlic.”
Corey Haim - Sam
Edward Herrmann - Max