Alan Alda movie quotes

“Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in awhile, or the light won't come in.”
Alan Alda

“It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich.”
Alan Alda

“Getting divorced with a kid is one of the hardest things to do. It's like a death without a body.”
Alan Alda - Bert Spitz

“- President of the United States: You sold control of American missiles to a foreign country?
- R.J. Hacker: If you can call Canada foreign.
- Stu Smiley: … or a country.”
Alan Alda - President of the United States
G.D. Spradlin - R. J. Hacker
Kevin Pollak - Stu Smiley

“Comedy is tragedy plus time!”
Alan Alda - Lester

“- Bob: Frieda, this pasta doesn't have any sauce.
- Frieda: It's Bavarian pasta, it doesn't need sauce. The Italians need sauce. The Italians were weak!”
Alan Alda - Bob
Trude Klein - Frieda

“- Bill Warren: If you respect Jenny as a person, you respect her right to make a free choice.
- Hannah Warren: You get her for the summers, that's enough. It takes me the other ten months of the year to get the seaweed out of her brains.”
Alan Alda - Bill Warren
Jane Seymour Fonda - Hannah Warren

“I'm fine! As long as I don't move my eyeballs.”
Alan Alda - Bob

“- Michael Burgess: I'm trying to get used to how different you look. You know, you're two different people!
- Faith Healy: Oh, well, if all I could be is two different people, I'd be out of business!”

Alan Alda - Michael Burgess
Michelle Pfeiffer - Faith Healy

“- Jordan: A study at Harvard determined a person's longevity by the first thing they read in the paper.
- Detective Regis: I'm an obituary man.
- Jordan: Start with the comics; you'll live longer.”
Alan Alda - Jordan
Wesley Snipes - Detective Regis

“- Richard Schlichting: You know the stuff they tell you about, you know, chromosome damage and all that stuff?
- Mel Coplin: Yeah, I do!
- Richard Schlichting: That's government propaganda.”

Alan Alda - Richard Schlichting
Ben Stiller - Mel Coplin

- George Peters: I can't remember the name of your favorite perfume; I've racked my brain and I can't remember it.
- Doris: That's funny, it's "My Sin".
Alan Alda - George Peters
Ellen Burstyn - Doris

“New York is not the center of the god damn universe. Grant you, it's exciting, vibrant, stimulating, fabulous city; but, it is not Mecca. It just smells like it.”
Alan Alda - Bill Warren

“- Michael Burgess: The script is, uh... very interesting. There are only a couple of things I have a problem with.
- Bo Hodges: Oh, yeah? What are they?
- Michael Burgess: The story and the dialogue.”
Alan Alda - Michael Burgess
Saul Rubinek - Bo Hodges

“- George Peters: Did you know we've made love 113 times?
- Doris: What?
- George Peters: I figured that out on my Bowmar calculator.”
Alan Alda - George Peters
Ellen Burstyn - Doris

“When people are laughing, they're generally not killing each other.”
Alan Alda

“- Doris: Oh, good, he didn't ask about the girdle.
- George Peters: What?
- Doris: The girdle!
- George Peters: Oh, great! Now he probably thinks I'm a homo!”

Ellen Burstyn - Doris
Alan Alda - George Peters

“- George Peters: First time I had sex I was 18 years old. We were in the back seat of a parked 1938 Dodge Sedan. Right in the middle of it, we were rear-ended.
- Doris: Oh, and you didn't have any insurance?
- George Peters: No. That's not exactly what I mean. I mean, look... take last night. Do you know what the radio was playing while we were...” (continue)(continue reading)
Alan Alda - George Peters
Ellen Burstyn - Doris

“- George Peters: When It comes to life, I've got a brown thumb.
- Doris: What do you mean?
- George Peters: I mean that nothing I ever do turns out right.”
Alan Alda - George Peters
Ellen Burstyn - Doris

“I'll be honest. You're not my first choice.”
Alan Alda - Lester

“- Doris: You know, I can really talk to you. It's just amazing. I find myself saying things to you that I didn't even know I thought. I noticed that yesterday right after we met in the restaurant.
- George Peters: We had instant rapport. Did you notice that too?
- Doris: No. But I know we really hit it off.”
Ellen Burstyn - Doris
Alan Alda - George Peters

“- Doris: I got pregnant when I was just 18. So I've never really had any time to just think. You know, I mean about... well, what I think about. Never mind. I don't know what I am trying to say. Some times I think I am crazy.
- George Peters: Why?
-Doris: Well, Ok, like take my life. Now, We live in a 2-bedroom duplex in downtown Oakland and we...” (continue)(continue reading)
Ellen Burstyn - Doris
Alan Alda - George Peters

“- Michael Burgess: Mom, why do you always put your groceries on the TV?
- Cecelia Burgess: I always put them there and keep them there for a week. The radiation kills the poison that they put in them.”
Alan Alda - Michael Burgess
Lillian Gish - Cecelia Burgess

“- Hannah Warren: Your tan, of course, is perfect. I always wondered how you got the back of your ears so dark.
- Bill Warren: You put the top of your car down and drive away from the sun.”
Jane Seymour Fonda - Hannah Warren
Alan Alda - Bill Warren

“- George Peters: Why do you have to look so luminous? I mean, it'd make things so much easier if you woke up with puffy eyes and blotchy skin like everyone else.
- Doris: Guess God thought chubby thighs were enough.”
Alan Alda - George Peters
Ellen Burstyn - Doris