Chris Rock movie quotes

“I can't believe nobody's even scared of a black guy anymore! Damn you, Obama!”
Chris Rock - Kurt McKenzie

“- Detective Lee Butters: License. Registration. Urine Sample.
- Leo Getz: German Jews didn't have it any easier when we were kids, so don't think you're the only one, okay? Okay? Besides, I was just kiddin' with ya. I can smell a cop a mile away.
- Detective Lee Butters: I smell bad, what'chu trying to say?”

Chris Rock - Detective Lee Butters
Joe Pesci - Leo Getz

“You don't need no gun control. You know what you need? We need some bullet control.”
Chris Rock - Himself

“- Jake Hayes: So you're leaving me and going back to Ken, that's what I asked you...
- Julie: The Ken part is just business.
- Jake Hayes: Then what's the leaving me part, pleasure?
- Julie: Pain.”
Chris Rock - Jake Hayes
Kerry Washington - Julie

“- Bethany: Having beliefs isn't good?
- Rufus: I think it's better to have ideas. You can change an idea. Changing a belief is trickier...”
Linda Fiorentino - Bethany
Chris Rock - Rufus

“- Bethany: Jesus didn't have any brothers or sisters. Mary was a virgin.
- Rufus: Mary gave birth to Christ without having known a man's touch, that's true. But she did have a husband. And do you really think he'd have stayed married to her all those years if he wasn't getting laid? The nature of God and the Virgin birth, those are leaps of...” (continue)(continue reading)
Linda Fiorentino - Bethany
Chris Rock - Rufus

“- Jake Hayes: Even if they don't shoot you, they take your life.
- Officer Oaks: I know it sounds hokey, but I honestly believe that our work is about something bigger than ourselves. We're offering you the chance to become part of that, find a purpose.
- Jake Hayes: You ain't offering me nothing but a chance to get a bullet in my ass. I don't...” (continue)(continue reading)
Chris Rock - Jake Hayes
Philip Anthony Hopkins - Officer Oakes

“I work in a neighborhood so bad, you can get shot while you're gettin' shot.”
Chris Rock - Mays Gilliam

“- Charlie: People who get the calls are good. Not flashy, good. They get in, they get out, nobody knows a goddamn thing. You understand? Boom, boom, boom. Three in the head, you know they're dead.
- Wesley: You know, that's kind of catchy.
- Charlie: Yeah? Well I'll make you a fucking bumper sticker.”
Morgan Freeman - Charlie
Chris Rock - Wesley

“- Jake Hayes: Is this shit dangerous?
- Officer Oaks: Yes there's some risk.
- Jake Hayes: What kind of risk, you talkin' bank credit risk, or bullet-in-ass risk?”
Chris Rock - Jake Hayes
Philip Anthony Hopkins - Officer Oakes

“We're goin' in there. If you can walk, let's walk. If you can't walk, it's time to roll. If you have crutches, then crutch your ass in there!”
Chris Rock - Lance Barton

“I know how you white boys always deal with that depression. I don't understand what you white boys are all depressed about. Hey, you're white! Smile!”
Chris Rock - Caretaker

“You have the right to remain silent, so shut the fuck up, okay? You have the right to an attorney. If you can't afford an attorney, we'll provide you with the dumbest fucking lawyer on earth. If you get Johnny Cochrane, I'll kill ya!”
Chris Rock - Detective Lee Butters

“You show up to get your pension, they give you a pen. They give you a damn pen! Now, what the hell am I supposed to do with a pen? I should just stab you in the neck with this pen, Mister Pension-Taker!”
Chris Rock - Mays Gilliam

“I don't speak terrorist.”
Chris Rock - Jake Hayes

You see this foot? It's from a little town called "Rich Man's Ass" and it's getting' homesick!
Chris Rock - Lance Barton

“- Marty: Aw a thermometer! Thanks!I love it Melman, I love it!
- Melman: I really wanted to give you a personal present. Do you know that was my first rectal thermometer?”

Chris Rock - Marty
David Schwimmer - Melman

“- Marty: You guys look hungry. How would you like some of nature's goodness?
- Gloria: You have food?
- Marty: One Fun Side special, coming up. Seaweed on a stick.
- Alex: Seaweed?
- Marty: On a stick. Don't love it 'till you try it.”
Chris Rock - Marty
Jada Pinkett Smith - Gloria

- Deanne McKenzie: How about I take you out for a date night every Thursday?
- Kurt McKenzie: Well, Thursday night is "Grey's Anatomy", but any other night would be great.
Maya Rudolph - Deanne McKenzie
Chris Rock - Kurt McKenzie

“I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.”
Chris Rock

“- Deanne McKenzie: Since when did you learn to speak Chinese?
- Kurt McKenzie: Just a little something I picked up watching a Chinese cooking show.
- Deanne McKenzie: That's great. Maybe you should focus a little less on the talking, and a little more on the cooking.”
Maya Rudolph - Deanne McKenzie
Chris Rock - Kurt McKenzie

“- Osmosis Jones: We were so poor, we lived off peanut butter and cellulite sandwiches! You ever try to blow-dry your hair with a fart?
- Drix: OK, I get it. You were poor.
- Osmosis Jones: You bet I was! You ever try to make a snowman out of toilet paper cling-ons? Now that's poor!
- Drix: OK, please, you're going to make me vomit!
- Osmosis...” (continue)(continue reading)
Chris Rock - Osmosis Jones
David Hyde Pierce - Drix

My father's so cheap... that when we went to bed, he'd unplug the alarm clocks. "You can't tell time when you are asleep".
Chris Rock - Lance Barton

“If you're good looking, you're gonna succeed through life. If you're ugly, you better pick up a book. Boy, you better pick up two books, and a computer while you're at it!”
Chris Rock - Lance Barton

“- Drix: Special Agent Drixobenzometaphedrimine... Drixenol! The brand that eases your coughs and sneezes. Warning - do not exceed recommended dosage. If symptoms persist, consult a physician. May cause drowsiness. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery. Pregnant women should not handle broken tablets.
- Osmosis Jones: Wow! I'm feeling better...” (continue)(continue reading)
David Hyde Pierce - Drix
Chris Rock - Osmosis Jones