Jack Black movie quotes

“- Jewel Stern: You got Bobby Rayburn on the line yet? Who the fuck does this guy think he is?
- Broadcast Technician: Three time National League MVP?
- Jewel Stern: And that gives him the right to fuck up my show?”

Ellen Barkin - Jewel Stern
Jack Black - Broadcast Technician

“I feel like ever since I lost my phone... my other senses have kind of heightened.”

Jack Black - Bethany

“- Zed: You could be my right-hand man.
- Oh: I've seen what you do with your right hand. No, thank you.”
Jack Black - Zed
Michael Cera - Oh

“- Po: There's no way I can stop him!
- Li: Unless you had an army of your own.
- Po: You don't even know kung fu!
- Li: Then you will teach us.”
Jack Black - Po
Javier Bardem - Li

“Those that can't do, teach, and those that can't teach, teach gym.”
Jack Black - Dewey Finn

“- Carl Denham: Ann, I'm telling you, you're perfect. Look at you. You're the saddest girl I've ever met. You're gonna make them weep, Ann. You're gonna break their hearts.
- Ann Darrow: See, that's where you're wrong, Mr. Denham. I make people laugh, that's what I do. Good luck with your picture.”
Jack Black - Carl Denham
Naomi Watts - Ann Darrow

“- Zed: Can I see you later?
- Maya: I think I have to wash my hair.
- Zed: You washed your hair last year.”
Jack Black - Zed
June Diane Raphael - Maya

“- Tigress: I hope this turns out better than your plan to cook rice in your stomach by eating it raw and then drinking boiling water.
- Po: This is nothing like that plan.
- Tigress: How?
- Po: Because this one is gonna work.”
Angelina Jolie - Tigress
Jack Black - Po

“Justice is about to be served! [at his dad's cafe] We'll have two Justice platters, please.”
Jack Black - Po

“I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. All my brain blood was in my boner.”
Jack Black - Zed

What do you want, "Non-Rocker"? This line is reserved for "Rockers Only", so I can't really talk to you right now!

Jack Black - JB

“- Kai: You must be the Dragon Warrior.
- Po: And you must be Kai. Beast of vengeance, Maker of widows.
- Kai: Yes! Finally thank you. Almost makes me want to spare your life.
- Po: Oh you want to spare me huh? How about you spare me the chit-chat alright let's do this.
- Kai: I'm going to take your chi then the chi of every panda in the...
- Po:...” (continue)(continue reading)
J. K. Simmons - Kai
Jack Black - Po

“- Hal: I bet on horses sometimes, but I don't really care about the money.
- Rosemary: I never read that book.
- Hal: What book?
- Rosemary: Things losers say.”
Jack Black - Hal
Gwyneth Paltrow - Rosemary

“- Zed: Look, I want you to know that I blame myself for everything that's happened.
- Maya: Yeah, so does everybody else.”
Jack Black - Zed
June Diane Raphael - Maya

“I feel bad for people who count calories. It's no way to live!”
Jack Black - Hal

“- Champ: What was that?
- R.L. Stine: It's the Invisible Boy.
- Champ: [getting slapped by Brent the Invisible Boy] Ow!
- R.L. Stine: Ah, he's such a crack up.”
Ryan Lee - Champ
Jack Black - Stine

“- Oh: I'm a virgin by choice.
- Zed: Ha! Not your choice!”
Michael Cera - Oh
Jack Black - Zed

“- Wayne: 'Know what? She's kinda like Mother Teresa.
- J.D.: Yeah, but with way better tits.”
Steve Zahn - Wayne
Jack Black - J.D.

- Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ: So, what's the plan, man? You gonna talk Vietnamese to those dudes?
- Kirk Lazarus: No, no. Mandarin Chinese. What I can tell, it's what they're speaking down there.
- Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ: How the hell do you know Chinese?
- Kirk Lazarus: "Land of Silk and Money" with Gong Li. Second Globe, third Oscar. I prepped for... (continue)(continue reading)
Jack Black - Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ
Robert Downey Jr. - Kirk Lazarus

“- Hal: What are you doing?
- Mauricio: I am rescuing you.
- Hal: From what?
- Mauricio: From what? From a pack of stampeding buffalo, that's what!”

Jack Black - Hal
Jason Alexander - Mauricio

“It's all my fault, kinda, not really, but still…”
Jack Black - Lenny

“I just remember the early days of Tenacious D. There was no talk or thought about doing a TV show or a movie.”
Jack Black

“You must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.”
Jack Black

You know what? Just go to Stanford anyway. Go there and take the classes. Don't take "no" for an answer. Just say "I'm goin' here. Kiss my ass".

Jack Black - Lance Brumder

“God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick ass. We are your humble servants. Please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name we pray, Amen.”
Jack Black - Dewey Finn