Jack Black movie quotes

“- Jen: In the five years I've known you, every woman, I should say girl, you've gone after has been completely out of your league.
- Hal: What's that supposed to mean?
- Artie: Oh, she doesn't mean anything by it. She's just saying you're not that good looking.
- Hal: Oh! I thought she was implying something really mean.”
Laura Kightlinger - Jen
Jack Black - Hal
Kyle Gass - Artie

“- Mr. Ping: We all have our place in this world. Mine is here, and yours is...
- Po: I know. Here.
- Mr. Ping: No, it's at tables two, five, seven and twelve. Service with a smile!”
James Hong - Mr. Ping
Jack Black - Po

“- Kevin Sandusky - Hot LZ: Hey Jeff what are you doin?
- Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ: Fuckin' nothing, man. I'm eating jelly beans.
- Kevin Sandusky - Hot LZ: Whoa jelly beans can I have...
- Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ: No you can't have any fuckin' jelly beans! You think you're the only one who gets sick when he doesn't get his jelly beans? Boundaries man...”

Jay Baruchel - Kevin Sandusky - Hot LZ
Jack Black - Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ

“- Ned Schneebly: Why don't you sell one of your guitars or something?
- Dewey Finn: What? Would you tell Picasso to sell his guitars?”
Mike White - Ned Schneebly
Jack Black - Dewey Finn

“- Wayne: You're not gay... you're just confused.
- J.D.: Yes, I am gay. Oh hey! Do you wanna be gay with me?”
Steve Zahn - Wayne
Jack Black - J.D.

“- Marlak: Stay away from my woman.
- Zed: Not gonna be possible, Marlak. She's not your woman. You can't own people. Except for the guy who bought all of us. Apparently, he can.”
Matthew Willig - Marlak
Jack Black - Zed

“Beneath the clothes, we find a man... and beneath the man we find his... nucleus.”
Jack Black - Nacho

“C'est la vie, as the Romans say.”
Jack Black - Nick Vanderpark

“- Nacho: I'm not listening to you! You only believe in science. That's probably why we never win!
- Esqueleto: We never win because you are fat!”

Jack Black - Nacho
Héctor Jiménez - Esqueleto

“- Hal: Does she take the cake, or what?
- Mauricio: She takes the whole bakery, Hal.”

Jack Black - Hal
Jason Alexander - Mauricio

“- Carl Denham: Ann, I'm not that kind of person.
- Ann Darrow: Oh really, then what kind of person are you Mr. Denham?
- Carl Denham: I'm someone you can trust, I'm a movie producer.”
Naomi Watts - Ann Darrow
Jack Black - Carl Denham

“Chancho. When you are a man, sometimes you wear stretchy pants in your room. It's for fun.”
Jack Black - Nacho

“- Hal: I'm going for the one in the middle. You can have your pick of the other two.
- Mauricio: So you get the hyena, and I have to choose between the hippo and the giraffe?”

Jack Black - Hal
Jason Alexander - Mauricio

“- Walt: I just sold my company to Microsoft!
- Hal: Yeah, you cleaned up?
- Walt: Let's just say if I had an ass, I'd wipe it with twenties.”
Rene Kirby - Walt
Jack Black - Hal

“- Mitchell Goosen: [to Jack] Chill Bra.
- Augie: Did he just call you a piece of underwear?”
Shane McDermott - Mitchell Goosen
Jack Black - Augie

“I have been touched by your kids... and I'm pretty sure that I've touched them.”

Jack Black - Dewey Finn

“- Shaun: Lance, I want you to stay in your room.
- Lance: Why?
- Shaun: Because you're an embarrassment.”
Colin Hanks - Shaun Brumder
Jack Black - Lance Brumder

“- Billy: You're gonna talk to me about style? You can't even dress yourself... look at that bow tie.
- Dewey Finn: Don't you be talkin' about my bow tie.”
Brian Falduto - Billy
Jack Black - Dewey Finn

“- Judith: Have you ever fantasized about having sex with any man, any man at all?
- J.D.: Does that include celebrities?”
Amanda Peet - Judith
Jack Black - J.D.

“- Coach: You ate her?
- Wayne: Yeah, we ate her.
- J.D.: Alive.
- Coach: My hat goes off to you. You boys are smart; that's the perfect crime.”
R. Lee Ermey - Coach
Steve Zahn - Wayne
Jack Black - J.D.

“I'm a teacher. All I need are minds for molding.”
Jack Black - Dewey Finn

“- Mauricio: Who's Vicki?
- Hal: Vicki. Vicki, with the short brown hair.
- Mauricio: Vicki? I thought that was a guy! I was calling her Vic!”
Jason Alexander - Mauricio
Jack Black - Hal

“- Tomika: Why don't you go on a diet?
- Dewey Finn: Because I like to eat! Is that such a crime?”
Maryam Hassan - Tomika
Jack Black - Dewey Finn

“- Jill: Hal... I'm not attracted to you.
- Hal: So what? What, you think that everyone who goes out are always attracted to each other? Get real!”
Susan Ward - Jill
Jack Black - Hal

“- Hal: There's Rosemary.
- Mauricio: Where?
- Hal: Right there!
- Mauricio: Is she behind the rhino?”

Jack Black - Hal
Jason Alexander - Mauricio