Jack Black movie quotes

“I ate some bugs, I ate some grass, I used my hand, to wipe my tears.”

Jack Black - Nacho

“- Dewey Finn: 8:15 to 10, rock history. 10 to 11, rock appreciation in theory. And then band practice till the end of the day.
- Frankie: What about math?
- Dewey Finn: No, not important.”
Jack Black - Dewey Finn
Angelo Massagli - Frankie

“- Zed: I might know everything. Ask me something!
- Oh: Where does the sun go at night?
- Zed: Pass. Next question.
- Oh: Where do babies come from?
- Zed: Pass. Next question.
- Oh: There's a snake on my foot.
- Zed: In the form of a question!
- Oh: There's a snake on my foot?
- Zed: Correct!”

Jack Black - Zed
Michael Cera - Oh

“- Hal: Let me ask you something. Who is the all-time love of your life?
- Mauricio: [ponders] Wonder Woman.
- Hal: Okay... let's say Wonder Woman falls in love with you. And everyone else in the world didn't find her attractive.
- Mauricio: It wouldn't matter. Because I know they'd be wrong.”
Jack Black - Hal
Jason Alexander - Mauricio

“- Dewey Finn: The first thing you do when you start a band is talk about your influences. That's how you figure out what kind of band you want to be. So who do you like? Blondie?
- Marta: Christina Aguilera.
- Dewey Finn: Who? No. Come on. What? You, Shortstop.
- Leonard: Puff Daddy.
- Dewey Finn: Wrong. Billy?
- Billy: Liza Minnelli?”
Jack Black - Dewey Finn
Caitlin Hale - Marta
Cole Hawkins - Leonard
Brian Falduto - Billy

“- Chancho: You've never wrestled?
- Nacho: Me? No. Come on. Don't be crazy. I know the wrestlers get all the fancy ladies, and the clothes, and the fancy creams and lotions. But my life is good! Really good! I get to wake up every morning, at 5AM, and make some soup! It's the best. I love it. I get to lay in a bed, all by myself, all of my life!...” (continue)(continue reading)
Darius Rose - Chancho
Jack Black - Nacho

“- Wayne: She didn't like the way his ass looked, so she made him get butt cheek implants.
- J.D.: I thought his ass looked tighter!”

Steve Zahn - Wayne
Jack Black - J.D.

“- Shen: The only reason you are still alive is that I find your stupidity mildly amusing.
- Po: Well thank you, but I find your evilness extremely annoying.”
Gary Leonard Oldman - Shen
Jack Black - Po

“- KG: Sex is a crucial component to the Kyle Gass Project. Now drop and give me one cock push-up.
- JB: What's a cock push-up?
- KG: What's a cock push-up? A cock push-up my friend, is when you lay on your stomach, and lift yourself of the ground with nothing but your boner.”
Kyle Gass - KG
Jack Black - JB

“- J.D.: I'm a mime! I'm a mime! Ha ha ha!
- Wayne: Dude, mimes don't talk.
- J.D.: They do when they're off duty.”

Jack Black - J.D.
Steve Zahn - Wayne

“- Po: It's just plain old noodle soup? You don't add some kind of special sauce or something?
- Mr. Ping: Don't have to. To make something special you just have to believe it's special.”
Jack Black - Po
James Hong - Mr. Ping

“- Shaun: Listen to me, I need Bob's pain pills!
- Lance: Bob doesn't have any pain pills.
- Shaun: Yes he does!
- Lance: Not anymore, I sold them.”
Colin Hanks - Shaun Brumder
Jack Black - Lance Brumder

“- J.D.: Do you want a drink?
- Judith: Scotch on the rocks.
- J.D.: No problem. You want ice with that?”
Jack Black - J.D.
Amanda Peet - Judith

“- Po: Maybe I should just quit and go back to making noodles.
- Oogway: Quit, don't quit... Noodles, don't noodles... You are too concerned about what was and what will be. There is a saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.”

Jack Black - Po
Randall Duk Kim - Oogway

“- Anthony Robbins: Ok Hal, hypothetical situation: which do you prefer, a girlfriend missing one breast or half a brain?
- Hal: Hmmm, toughie. What about the remaining breast? Is it big?”
Anthony Robbins - Himself
Jack Black - Hal

“- Summer Hathaway: You want me to be a groupie?
- Dewey Finn: Well, groupie is an important job.
- Summer Hathaway: I researched groupies on the Internet. They sleep with the band!”
Miranda Cosgrove - Summer Hathaway
Jack Black - Dewey Finn

“- Hal: Jesus Christ! What the hell's wrong with this chair? What's this shit made out of, anyway?
- Restaurant Manager: Uhh... steel.”

Jack Black - Hal
Kevin Hooks - Restaurant Manager

“- Coach: What is it that I always said?
- J.D., Wayne: If you can dream it, you can do it.”
R. Lee Ermey - Coach
Jack Black - J.D.

“Dude, I never went to college and check me out. I'm kick ass!”

Jack Black - Lance Brumder

“- Shen: Are you willing to die to find the truth?
- Po: You bet I am. Although, I'd prefer not to.”
Gary Leonard Oldman - Shen
Jack Black - Po

“- Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ: Alpa, if you untie me, I will literally suck your dick, right now.
- Alpa Chino: Man, I told you for the last time, I love tha pussy!
- Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ: I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipe, and swallow the gravy. Get it over here, buddy. Let's do this.”

Jack Black - Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ
Brandon T. Jackson - Alpa Chino - Hot LZ

“- J.D.: Well, you didn't know a lot of things. You didn't know I was gay.
- Wayne: Is there anything else you wanna tell me?
- J.D.: I got three balls.
- Wayne: Shut up! God!”
Jack Black - J.D.
Steve Zahn - Wayne

“- Alpa Chino - Hot LZ: Yeah... but those dudes was trained soldiers.
- Kirk Lazarus: [cocks unloaded pistol] Yeah! And we trained actors, mothafucka! Time to man up. And I ain't gonna sugarcoat. Some of us might not even make it back.
- Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ: What do you mean? Like, not on the same flight?”
Brandon T. Jackson - Alpa Chino - Hot LZ
Robert Downey Jr. - Kirk Lazarus
Jack Black - Jeff Portnoy - Hot LZ

“- Carl Denham: I keep telling you, Jack, there's no money in theater. That's why you should stick with film.
- Jack Driscoll: No Carl, it's not about the money. I love theater.
- Carl Denham: No you don't. If you really loved it, you would've jumped.”

Jack Black - Carl Denham
Adrien Brody - Jack Driscoll

“- Oh: I just want to lay with her so badly.
- Zed: I don't see it. I mean she's cute, but I don't think I'd lay with her.
- Oh: She's your sister. I mean, it would be like laying with your mother.
- Zed: Which was a big mistake, I see that now.”

Michael Cera - Oh
Jack Black - Zed