Jack Lemmon movie quotes

“I'd have a lovely breakfast: Sweet rolls and tea. Then a good swim. I'd ask my friends for lunch, a great lunch. You know, but... A salad or something simple. And then we'd take a walk in a park... with trees, so we could watch the birds. And we'd talk about how much we meant to each other. And for dinner, I'd take 'em to a place that had great...” (continue)(continue reading)

Jack Lemmon - Morrie Schwartz

- Chief of Police: If I see you two back in here under arrest again, then I seriously will charge you with disturbing the law!
- Felix Ungar: Don't you mean "disturbing the peace"?
- Chief of Police: No, it's only the law you're disturbing.

Richard Riehle - Chief of Police
Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar

“- Felix Ungar: Oscar, of all the fights that we've ever had, of all the arguments that we've ever had...
- Oscar Madison: We can continue talking because he's going to be on this for a half-hour.”
Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison

“When it comes time for a rest, there's no place like Cleveland.”
Jack Lemmon - President Russell P. Kramer

“- Jack Godell: What makes you think they're looking for a scapegoat?
- Ted Spindler: Tradition.”
Jack Lemmon - Jack Godell
Wilford Brimley - Ted Spindler

Another wave says to him, "Why do you look so sad?". And the little waves says, "Because we're gonna crash. All us waves are gonna be nothin', don't ya understand?". And the other wave says, "You don't understand. You're not a wave. You're part of the ocean".

Jack Lemmon - Morrie Schwartz

“- Clooney: Have you ever been married, Mr. Trabucco?
- Trabucco: Once but I got rid of her. Now I just lease.”
Jack Lemmon - Victor Clooney
Walter Matthau - Trabucco

- Kate Newman: What we need to know is, can they order an American to "disappear" without consulting the Americans first?
- Paris: No, they wouldn't dare.
- Ed Horman: How can I verify that?
- Paris: You can't.
Janice Rule - Kate Newman
Martin LaSalle - Paris
Jack Lemmon - Ed Horman

“- Celia Clooney: Do you know a woman has 89 erogenous zones on her body.
- Clooney: Who says that?”
Paula Prentiss - Celia Clooney
Jack Lemmon - Victor Clooney

“- Charlie Gordon: Why are you sterilizing your trousers?
- Herb Sullivan: I'm steaming them.
- Charlie Gordon: Oh, then what are you gonna' do, eat 'em with garlic butter?
- Herb Sullivan: It takes the wrinkles out, you imbecile!
- Charlie Gordon: Huh! When a man is steaming his pants at midnight, it generally means there's a broad.”
Walter Matthau - Charlie Gordon
Jack Lemmon - Herb Sullivan

“- Oscar Madison: If you didn't have the brains to pee back at the airport, how could you possibly read that sign?
- Felix Ungar: Reading and peeing are two different things!
- Oscar Madison: At your age you're lucky you can do either one.”
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison
Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar

“- Clooney: We've been together 12 years.
- Celia Clooney: 12 years - as long as that!
- Clooney: Well maybe they weren't great years but there were good weeks here and there.”
Jack Lemmon - Victor Clooney
Paula Prentiss - Celia Clooney

“Well, as usual, the Republican comes up with a plan while the Democrat just aimlessly wanders in the woods.”
Jack Lemmon - President Russell P. Kramer

“- Oscar Madison: I think I figured out where we are.
- Felix Ungar: Where?
- Oscar Madison: In a Clint Eastwood movie.”

Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison
Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar

“Stay humble. Always answer your phone - no matter who else is in the car.”
Jack Lemmon

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.”
Jack Lemmon - Morrie Schwartz

“You do not know your job. That's what I'm saying. A man is his job and you are fucked at yours.”

Jack Lemmon - Shelley Levene

“- John Gustafson: Nobody slept with anybody.
- Grandpa Gustafson: Speak for yourself.”
Jack Lemmon - John Gustafson
Burgess Meredith - Grandpa Gustafson

“- Oscar Madison: OK, Felix, make out a timetable: when you're gonna eat, when you're gonna pee, when you're gonna fart, when you're gonna cry, and when you're gonna sleep, because that's the last time I'm pulling off the freeway, ya hear?
- Felix Ungar: Oh, and I suppose you never have to pee, huh?
- Oscar Madison: I do it for a half hour in the...” (continue)(continue reading)
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison
Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar

“- Sugar Kane Kowalczyk: I met one of them.
- Joe: One of whom?
- Sugar Kane Kowalczyk: Shell Oil Junior. He's got millions, he's got glasses, he's got a yacht!
- Joe: You don't say.
- Jerry: He's not only got a yacht, he's got a bicycle!”
Marilyn Monroe - Sugar Kane Kowalczyk
Tony Curtis - Joe
Jack Lemmon - Jerry

“Never count me out until the fat lady divorces me!”
Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar

“When you learn how to die, you learn how to live.”
Jack Lemmon - Morrie Schwartz

“Look how she moves! That's just like Jell-O on springs.”

Jack Lemmon - Jerry

“- Ed Horman: I feel very guilty.
- Beth Horman: Charlie always says guilt is like fear. It's given to us for survival, not destruction.
- Ed Horman: Beth, for what it's worth, I think you are one of the most courageous people I have ever met.”
Jack Lemmon - Ed Horman
Sissy Spacek - Beth Horman

“- Joe: What are you worried about? This job is going to last a long time.
- Jerry: Well, suppose it doesn't?
- Joe: Jerry, boy, why do you have to paint everything so black? Suppose you got hit by a truck. Suppose the stock market crashes. Suppose Mary Pickford divorces Douglas Fairbanks. Suppose the Dodgers leave Brooklyn!”
Tony Curtis - Joe
Jack Lemmon - Jerry