Jack Lemmon movie quotes

“- Felix Ungar: They've probably got poisonous spiders out here.
- Oscar Madison: Get out of here, what are they gonna live on? You think they're waiting around for two schmucks like us to show up?”
Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison

“- Osgood Fielding III: I am Osgood Fielding the Third.
- Daphne: I'm Cinderella the second.”
Joe E. Brown - Osgood Fielding III
Jack Lemmon - Daphne

“When we're infants, we need others to survive. When we're dying, we need others to survive. But here's the secret. In between, we need others even more.”
Jack Lemmon - Morrie Schwartz

Sometimes I see myself dancing, and I think... "Wow! Oh, boy! I don't have ALS after all. It's a big mistake. It's all part of a lovely fantasy". But just for a minute.
Jack Lemmon - Morrie Schwartz

“- John Gustafson: You're supposed to be smoking filter cigarettes.
- Grandpa Gustafson: I'm 94 years old. What the hell do I care?”
Jack Lemmon - John Gustafson
Burgess Meredith - Grandpa Gustafson

“- Sweet Sue: Didn't you girls say you went to a conservatory?
- Daphne: Yes. For a whole year.
- Sweet Sue: I thought you said three years.
- Josephine: We got time off, for good behavior.”
Joan Shawlee - Sweet Sue
Jack Lemmon - Daphne
Tony Curtis - Josephine

“- John Gustafson: This milk has chunks in it.
- Max Goldman: What's your point?”
Jack Lemmon - John Gustafson
Walter Matthau - Max Goldman

“I have lived for 71 years, I've fought a war, I've buried my wife and I've survived 48 white sales at Gimble's. So if you think a little fop like you is gonna stop me, you've got another think coming!”

Jack Lemmon - Herb Sullivan

“I'm about to share my coffee with the Washington Love Machine. No dice. You could spit in a Petri dish and start a whole new civilization.”
Jack Lemmon - President Russell P. Kramer

“- President Russell P. Kramer: When you were in the White House, who was the person you were most excited to meet?
- President Matt Douglas: Nelson Mandela.
- President Russell P. Kramer: I'm not a reporter.
- President Matt Douglas: Ella Fitzgerald.
- President Russell P. Kramer: Ah.
- President Matt Douglas: Mandela was a great man, but he...” (continue)(continue reading)
Jack Lemmon - President Russell P. Kramer
James Garner - President Matt Douglas

“Death ends a life, not a relationship.”
Jack Lemmon - Morrie Schwartz

“- John Gustafson: You won't even know I'm here.
- Max Goldman: That's because you won't be here.”
Jack Lemmon - John Gustafson
Walter Matthau - Max Goldman

“- Felix Ungar: Look, we have to have a plan, agreed?
- Oscar Madison: Agreed.
- Felix Ungar: Okay. What do you think the plan should be?
- Oscar Madison: I don't care. I agreed. I did my part.”
Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison

“- President Russell P. Kramer: I was Time Magazine's Man of the Year.
- President Matt Douglas: So was Hitler.
- President Russell P. Kramer: Not twice.”
Jack Lemmon - President Russell P. Kramer
James Garner - President Matt Douglas

“- Felix Ungar: You got a lawyer?
- Oscar Madison: Yeah, in Florida. He's 92. It takes him six hours to walk to the telephone. Case will be over.”
Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison

“- Clooney: What else did you tell him? That I cheat on crossword puzzles? I steal sugar in restaurants? That I wet my bed 'til I was eleven?
- Celia Clooney: No, Victor, believe me, I never mentioned that.”
Jack Lemmon - Victor Clooney
Paula Prentiss - Celia Clooney

“- President Matt Douglas: Well, I don't think you had anything to do with Charlie's death, but I'm pretty sure you're involved in this mess somehow.
- President Russell P. Kramer: I'm involved? But, what about you? You were the one sittin' in the car next to a dead man.
- President Matt Douglas: Well, now you know. I enjoy spending time with...” (continue)(continue reading)
James Garner - President Matt Douglas
Jack Lemmon - President Russell P. Kramer

“If we accept the fact that we can die at anytime we lead our lives differently.”
Jack Lemmon - Morrie Schwartz

The "voice of the people"? There is no such thing! You've got 240 million voices all yellin' for something different. The only thing you all seem to agree on is you don't want higher taxes. "The voice of the people" my fanny!
Jack Lemmon - President Russell P. Kramer

“You know anything about this disease that I've got here? This Lou Gehrig's disease? It melts ya like a candle, you know? In my case, from the bottom up.”
Jack Lemmon - Morrie Schwartz

“- Clooney: I'm not against a little cleavage, if it's done in good taste, but nipples are a definite no-no.
- Trabucco: What's the matter, everyone's got them.
- Clooney: Not in primetime.”
Jack Lemmon - Victor Clooney
Walter Matthau - Trabucco

“- Oscar Madison: Okay what do you wanna talk to me about?
- Felix Ungar: Wait until the seat belt light is off.
- Oscar Madison: You can't talk with your seat belt on? Is that some new federal law?”
Walter Matthau - Oscar Madison
Jack Lemmon - Felix Ungar

- Herb Sullivan: No broad!
- Charlie Gordon: Well, that's too bad, 'cause I got one lined up: rich... "Texas rich". With an ass so beautiful, it's a shame she has to sit down on it.
Jack Lemmon - Herb Sullivan
Walter Matthau - Charlie Gordon

“If you can't think on your feet, you oughta keep your mouth closed.”

Jack Lemmon - Shelley Levene