Janeane Garofalo movie quotes

“- Abby: If I was a guy, I think women would, like, line up to go out with me. I'm smart. I have a good sense of humor. I make a great living.
- Noelle: I'd fuck you.
- Abby: Thank you, honey. I know you would.”
Janeane Garofalo - Abby
Uma Thurman - Noelle

“OK, now I'm going back to graduate school. That was the agreement.”

Janeane Garofalo - Bowler

- Medieval Times Waitress: There were no utensils in Medieval times, hence there are no utensils at "Medieval Times". Now, would you like a refill on that Pepsi?
- Steven M. Kovacs: There were no utensils, but there was Pepsi?
- Medieval Times Waitress: Dude, I've got a lot of tables.

Janeane Garofalo - Medieval Times Waitress
Matthew Broderick - Steven M. Kovacs

“- Disco Cabbie: You need to find yourself a man who's secure enough to appreciate you for the superior woman that you are. I like a strong woman.
- Ellie: Oh... yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Disco Cabbie: And you are a strong woman. If I was you, I would pull over with me and celebrate our strength together. What do you think about that, baby?
- Ellie: This...” (continue)(continue reading)

Janeane Garofalo - Ellie
Dave Chappelle - Disco Cabbie

“- Mr. Furious: Seems there was a little controversy there regarding your father's death.
- The Bowler: Yes, the police said he fell down an elevator shaft. Onto some bullets.
- The Blue Raja: You know, I've alwas suspected a bit of foul play there.
- The Bowler: As have I.”

Ben Stiller - Furious
Janeane Garofalo - Bowler
Hank Azaria - Blue Raja

- I'm Only Creative When I Smoke Smoker: Would you like to hear some of my poetry?
- Thurgood Jenkins: Not really, no.
- I'm Only Creative When I Smoke Smoker: You really should. "I have killed. I have helped kill. I have killed part of myself. I cannot change this. I... I must seek Buddha. I must seek Christ".
- Thurgood Jenkins: You must seek... (continue)(continue reading)
Janeane Garofalo - I'm Only Creative When I Smoke Smoker
Dave Chappelle - Thurgood Jenkins

“- Cosmo Reif: But, I thought, you were like my girlfriend.
- Honey: Cosmo, I like you. Of all the people that pay to have sex with me, I like you the best.”
Jason Priestley - Cosmo Reif
Janeane Garofalo - Honey

“Are you part of the problem or are you the solution?”
Janeane Garofalo - Beth

“- Colette: What are you doing?
- Linguini: Uh, I'm cutting vegetables. I'm cutting the... vegetables?
- Colette: No! You waste energy and time! You think cooking is a cute job, eh?”
Janeane Garofalo - Colette
Lou Romano - Linguini

“- Marcy Tizard: What do you think, tending bar in a tasteless shirt is a more profound and valid way to spend your time?
- Sean Kelly: Yes, I do think that tending bar in a tasteless shirt is a more profound and valid use of my time, yes I do, that's why I do it.”
Janeane Garofalo - Marcy Tizard
David O'Hara - Sean Kelly

“- Virus: You laughin' at me, huh? Huh? You laughin' at me? What am I, a clown? Do I amuse you? I'm what, I'm funny now? Huh? You must be laughin' at me; I don't see anybody else around here!
- Patty: You're mixing your movies, dipshit.”

Mitch Rouse - Virus
Janeane Garofalo - Patty

“Well guys, we've made it to the end of the summer in one piece, except for a few campers who are lepers. ”
Janeane Garofalo - Beth

“- Marcy Tizard: Go back to your wife!
- Sean Kelly: My ex-wife. We're going through with the divorce.
- Marcy Tizard: They don't have divorce in Ireland.
- Sean Kelly: They do. It just got in.”
Janeane Garofalo - Marcy Tizard
David O'Hara - Sean Kelly

“- Gail: I hope you like shrimp cocktail, because I want you to be guests of honor at our wedding next week!
- Beth: Well, I hope it's not jumbo shrimp, because I'm allergic to oxymorons! ”
Molly Shannon - Gail
Janeane Garofalo - Beth

“- The Blue Raja: Am I to understand you've inserted your father's skull inside of that ball for bowling?
- The Bowler: No, the guy at the pro shop did it.”
Hank Azaria - Blue Raja
Janeane Garofalo - Bowler

“I would have to say loneliness is next to uncleanliness.”
Janeane Garofalo

“I don't really have funny things to say about politics. I wish I did, but I don't.”
Janeane Garofalo

“Men are allowed to age. Men are allowed to gain weight. Men are allowed to be quirky looking.”
Janeane Garofalo

My parents have been married for 26 years. They're like brother and sister at this point. She goes to the bathroom with the door open. That would be "A". And "B" that's disgusting.
Janeane Garofalo - Vickie Miner

“- Vic Damico: This isn't your first time in a restaurant, is it?
- Lucille: No, my ex-husband used to like to eat out, may he rest in peace.
- Vic Damico: So he passed away?
- Lucille: Not yet.”
Randy Quaid - Vic Damico
Janeane Garofalo - Lucille

“- Noelle: Disappointment doesn't kill.
- Abby: Right... rejection kills. Disappointment only maims.”
Uma Thurman - Noelle
Janeane Garofalo - Abby

“- Lelaina Pierce: Quick, Vicky, whats your social security?
- Vickie Miner: Uhm... 851-25-9357.
- Troy Dyer: Very impressive.
- Vickie Miner: Thats the only thing I really learned in college.”
Winona Ryder - Lelaina Pierce
Janeane Garofalo - Vickie Miner
Ethan Hawke - Troy Dyer

“- Marcy Tizard: Is being an idiot like being high all the time?
- Sean Kelly: No, it's like being constantly right.”
Janeane Garofalo - Marcy Tizard
David O'Hara - Sean Kelly

“- Abby: Say something.
- Brian: I want to make love to you.
- Abby: Never on the first phone call.”

Janeane Garofalo - Abby
Ben Chaplin - Brian

“- Cowboy: You were right, I was a brain dead redneck asshole. Though I never screwed a sheep or my sister.
- Heather Mooney: Why not, couldn't catch 'em?”
Justin Theroux - Cowboy
Janeane Garofalo - Heather Mooney