Jesse Eisenberg movie quotes

“Hey Phoebe. I just wanted to say that I love you and that everything is going to be okay. I mean, not perfect, obviously, but better. Like, we'll probably have to get a new house. and also cars. But I'm coming to get you and this will all be over. Soon-ish.”

Jesse Eisenberg - Mike Howell

“- Mike Howell: Wait, why do you think it's dangerous?
- Phoebe: Yeah?
- Rose: Like I said to you before, because of the monkeys. The monkeys!”
Jesse Eisenberg - Mike Howell
Kristen Stewart - Phoebe Larson
John Leguizamo - Rose

“- Joel: Oh my God, look at the shape of her ass. It's a platonic ideal. That ass is a higher truth. Look, look at that little portal of light, just below her crotch, right where the thigh meets the pudendum.
- James Brennan: The pudendum? Are you pre-med?
- Joel: I'm telling you, man, I've had dreams about that diamond-shape portal.”
Martin Starr - Joel
Jesse Eisenberg - James Brennan

“- Blu: Not all birds fly! There are ostriches...
- Jewel: You are not an ostrich!
- Blu: Well... not technically.”
Jesse Eisenberg - Blu
Anne Hathaway - Jewel

“If people are going to start thinking anyway... Killing all the salmon just so you can run your fucking iPod every second of your life. And that's what's gonna happen. People are gonna start thinking. They have to.”
Jesse Eisenberg - Josh

“- Jewel: Is there anything else I need to know?
- Blu: Yes. I can't fly, I pick my beak, and once in a while I pee in the birdbath! Happy?!”
Anne Hathaway - Jewel
Jesse Eisenberg - Blu

“- James Brennan: Jesus Fucking Christ! They play this song like 20 times a day!
- Joel: Fucking sadists. Fucking sadists!”

Jesse Eisenberg - James Brennan
Martin Starr - Joel

“- Victoria Lasseter: Cherry Progressive, listen. Mandelbrot set is in motion. Echo Choir has been breached.
- Mike Howell: Is that a lyric from something?”
Connie Britton - Victoria Lasseter
Jesse Eisenberg - Mike Howell

“- Jewel: Hey. Thank you for doing this. I really appreciate it.
- Blu: I would do anything for you. You know that, right?
- Jewel: Of course I do.”
Anne Hathaway - Jewel
Jesse Eisenberg - Blu

“- William Hundert: Follow the path, Mr. Masoudi. Walk where the great men before you have walked.
- Louis Masoudi: Yes, sir. It’s… it's better for the grass.
- William Hundert: It's better for you.”
Kevin Kline - William Hundert
Jesse Eisenberg - Louis Masoudi

“Oh God. Look at this fucking clown. Of course…it had to be a clown! No, wait. It had to be a clown.”

Jesse Eisenberg - Columbus

“I tend to be pessimistic about everything.”
Jesse Eisenberg

“I get very homesick, but otherwise it's a great privilege to get to travel for work.”
Jesse Eisenberg

“Everyone's a geek in some way or other. Everyone's an outsider.”
Jesse Eisenberg

“- Tallahassee: Wow, these fellas really let themselves go.
- Columbus: And they're so fat.”

Woody Harrelson - Tallahassee
Jesse Eisenberg - Columbus

“This is the life. The perfect marshmallow-to-cocoa ratio.”
Jesse Eisenberg - Blu

“- Blu: I am going to the Amazon.
- Pedro: Like the website?”
Jesse Eisenberg - Blu

“The truth is she has a nice face. I need to do something to take my mind off her.”
Jesse Eisenberg - Mark Zuckerberg

“- Jewel: Incredible! You would rather be with a... a... a human than with your own kind!
- Blu: Well, that human has given me love and affection for the past fifteen years, whereas my own kind tries to strangle me after fifteen seconds.”
Anne Hathaway - Jewel
Jesse Eisenberg - Blu

“When the zombie outbreak first hit, the first to go, for obvious reasons... were the fatties.”
Jesse Eisenberg - Columbus

“- Jewel: You look like me!
- Blu: Oh, hi. Hi. My name is Blu. You know, like the cheese with the mold on it, that smells really bad.”
Anne Hathaway - Jewel
Jesse Eisenberg - Blu

“- Blu: You see, who needs flying?
- Jewel: Birds! Birds need flying. Flying is... err... freedom, and, and not having to rely on anyone. Don't you want that?
- Blu: Hmm, I don't know. Sounds a little lonely.”
Jesse Eisenberg - Blu
Anne Hathaway - Jewel

“Fasten your seat belts. This is going to be a bumpy ride.”
Jesse Eisenberg - Columbus

- Marylin Delpy: You must really hate the Winklevosses.
- Mark Zuckerberg: I don't hate anybody. The "Winklevii" aren't suing me for intellectual property theft. They're suing me because for the first time in their lives, things didn't go exactly the way they were supposed to for them.

Rashida Jones - Marylin Delpy
Jesse Eisenberg - Mark Zuckerberg

“I've come to realize that you can't have a country without people.”
Jesse Eisenberg - Columbus